Welcome to my Newsletter 1/23/08

"Never forget that the first step in getting help is asking for it."
~ Brook ~

We are not Super Woman - she had a cape. Most super-heroes even have sidekicks, Batman has Robin, Super Man can count on Lois Lane, Luke Skywalker has Yoda and Obi-One. I don't know why so many women feel the need to be Super Woman or "do it all on their own." While it might seem that makes us more "independent," or "strong," it doesn't make a lot of sense if you step back a minute and think about it. How many people in this world operate completely independent, capable of doing it all themselves? I can't think of a successful CEO who isn't backed by talented executives. I am unaware of a politician that isn't helped by aides or campaign managers. Schools and churches have boards for guidance. So why do we think that we can, or should, "do it all?"Instead of striving to "do it all" or "beating yourself up" when you can't do it all--switch to a "team spirit" mentality. Find supportive players to be a part of your team and ask for help when you need it. Doing everything ourselves doesn't makes us "stronger," it makes us lonelier and needlessly stressed.

Your Turn:

How have you tried to "do it all" in your life? What were the results? Who can be a part of your support team? Who can you ask for help?

Your affirmation:

Today I let go of trying to "do it all" and focus on building a network of support and encouragement.

Additional note from Helena: "This is a little reminder for me, too!"



Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to I.Brennen from Richmond, VA!
She sent me recently an Example Test of the New US Citizenship Test as a little reminder of my wonderful memories of becomeing an US Citizen on December 19th, 2007!

Would you pass the test?

To take a sample test, visit:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21019797/from/ET/



Life Improvement Tips

Are You Afraid To Try Something New?

"When you have come to the edge of all that you know and are about to step off into the darkness, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly." - Richard Bach

It's pretty normal for all of us to feel hesitant when we want to try something new. The underlying fear of failure is crippling. There are some who even fear getting what they want and finding out that it's not really as great as they dreamed it to be.

The first fear is totally understandable but there are some ways to go about it. Focus on trying something that's simple and realistic first. It can be a new recipe; the new computer software or even the basics of a new language. The object of the game is to learn something to stimulate your senses and if you master it, think of the energy boost you'll get! Slowly, you'll start getting the courage to try something else - it could be another simple thing or a bit more complicated. A few more of these and you'll be confident enough to try whatever goals you want to accomplish.
The second fear can be re-worded as the fear of disappointment and is altogether as real as the fear of failure is. Some unfortunate thing probably happened after you achieved a dream that scared you to try something else. Your psyche associated the terrible outcome - a divorce, a disaster or a death - in the family with the achievement. Or it could be a dozen other different reasons. Whatever it was, you got trapped in the status quo. A psychological counselor can help those who've reached the point that this fear becomes a phobia but to those who can still recognize that they want to change, there's still hope. Again, if there's a will to change however slight it may be, there will be a way to do it. A single baby step toward a new goal is great - nobody expects a power walk at the first try anyway.

Whatever fear you have, challenge yourself to face the obstacles. Problems are always there and so are their solutions.

One thing easy to do that can help a lot is to have some sort of a mantra or an affirmation like: "I want to ____ and I choose to do ____ to achieve this."

It verbalizes your thoughts and helps you focus on the correct way to pull it off. There will be times when you'll encounter some setbacks but take it slow, cut yourself some slack and try again. Eventually, you'll get it.

~ Jeff ~

Career Tips


How To Ask Your Boss for a Raise

Feeling overworked and underpaid? If you're starting to feel like you deserve a raise, here are eight DO's and DON'Ts to build your confidence and tact (and what to avoid!) in asking for the salary you feel you deserve.

DO:

1. Devise a "Plan of Action".

First and foremost, get a strategy together. Make a note of the specific projects you've undertaken and the results you've accomplished. List all of your job skills and the features that make you an asset to this company. Find out what a typical raise is for someone with your experience in your area of occupation. Know the facts and be realistic in your request.

2. Ask for an amount that's slightly higher than one you would be happy with.

If you would be happy with a 5% raise, ask for one a couple of points above it. That way, if your boss starts to negotiate, you won't feel as if your worth has been diluted any by getting less than what you feel you deserve.

3. Remember, your boss shouldn't be the only one negotiating.

If your company is going through a slow period or the economy is down, try to be flexible and know how to respond if your boss suggests a lower amount than what you may have been expecting. Consider other ways of getting a raise too, such as additional vacation time, employee perks or more time off. All of these can be just as good (if not better!) than an actual amount of money.

4. Choose a specific day and time to meet with your supervisor about your raise request.

Avoid choosing a Monday or Friday when bosses are at their busiest. Studies have actually shown that people are more receptive on a Tuesday or Wednesday after lunch. That way, they're not thinking about the weekend or their stomachs while you're getting up the nerve to ask about a raise! If you're afraid of being interrupted during your request, ask to speak to your supervisor for a few minutes after hours.

DON'T:

1. Raise your tone of voice if your boss objects to your raise at first.

Remember, he or she is paying you to do a certain job, and you're asking for more money to do the same job. Be professional and polite at all times, and listen more than demand. Chances are, if your supervisor doesn't award you a raise, they might hint at what else could be done to earn it. If they don't, don't be afraid to ask what steps would be necessary to "prove yourself".

2. Threaten with quitting if you don't get the raise or telling your boss you have another job offer unless you actually do.

He may just call your bluff and let you go!

3. Stumble or beat around the bush with your request.

Be straightforward and confident. You are a valuable member of a team and the supervisor hired you because they obviously thought you were the best qualified. If you have "Thank You" notes from customers or letters from the company praising you for a job well done, bring those to your meeting as well, as they'll help to cement your request and remind your supervisor of your role within the company and its progress.

4. Compare yourself to, or talk negatively about your coworkers or others in a position higher than you.

You may think that this will put you in a positive light when it comes to a promotion or a raise, but to your boss, it shows that if you have a poor attitude toward your colleagues, you'll keep the same poor attitude if you are promoted.

Remember, be confident, professional and tactful. If the boss says "no" or wants to "think about it", open his mind to further consideration by volunteering to do more at the office. Stay an extra hour or help another team on a critical project. This demonstrates that you're willing to "tow the mark" rather than giving your boss the impression of "gimme the money first and THEN I'll work".

Good luck!

~ Jeff ~

Relationships 101

Ideas For Fun Things To Do On A Date

Need an idea for what to do on a date? Here's how to go about finding ideas for new and unusual dates that are enjoyable and memorable.

The three most usual choices for what to do on a date are dinner, a movie, and a public event such as a sports game or concert. Those activities often give the couple several hours of time to enjoy each other's company. But relying on those same activities too often leads to a loss of the sense of drama and importance of the time spent together.

Human nature craves the out-of-the-ordinary. A new experience raises awareness and often contributes greatly to our ability to enjoy ourselves. If a couple continues to occasionally find new and unusual choices for what to do, their time together will be more enjoyable.

Probably the best way to find new ideas for what to do for a date is to make a point of being on the lookout for possibilities. You never know when an idea will present itself. You might see something in the newspaper or in a magazine. Someone you know could share an idea they have had. Your own hobbies and interests might suggest something. Something you did, perhaps years ago, could inspire ideas for a new activity. You might remember some idea you had but never got around to doing.

You should also actively search for new and unusual things to do. A great place to look is web sites about things you are interested in. The local visitors' bureau is a possible source. Look in the community events section of your newspaper. Look through the brochures at the Chamber of Commerce. Look in the yellow pages under headings such as canoes, hiking, and art museums. Check the bulletin board at the library. Use your imagination to adapt what you see at those places to your own interests and tastes.

Keep a list of possible activities. Have a place to keep information such as brochures, maps, and visitors' guides. Set up folders in your computer for storing information you have found online. Use Notepad to copy and paste just what is of interest to you.

Be open to any suggestions and preferences your partner has to offer. Try to be sensitive to his/her tastes and interests. Give almost as much importance to his/her enjoyment of the date as your own enjoyment. After all, you probably won't enjoy the date if your partner doesn't.

Try to choose activities that give enough opportunities for communication. Conversation and comments you and your date make to each other are often the most important part of the date.

Couples who are recent acquaintances need to find out each other's values and interests. Couples who have been together a long time need reassurance and the stimulation of each other's ideas.
Pursue your own interests.

Being passionate about something makes you more interesting. Finally, stay informed to stay interesting.

Keep up with current events and issues. Listen to the news and news commentary programs.

One good source I like is the web sites of National Public Radio.

~Alan~

Quote of the Week

"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are."

~ Thomas Dreier ~