"You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand!"
~ Irene C. Kassorla ~
~ Irene C. Kassorla ~
Several years ago, I finally came to the slow realization that the only person I could control was myself. There were many people I wanted to help or influence, but ultimately, I can only put my "best" out there. Each person can then take it or leave it. I am not responsible for others' decisions or actions.
While relinquishing control is difficult, it is also extremely freeing. It's as if a weight lifts off of your shoulders when you truly internalize the fact that you are only accountable for you. The less time you spend trying to control external circumstances, the more time you can spend "giving yourself to the moment."
Your turn:
In what ways are you trying to exert control in your life? How would it feel to relinquish that control?
While relinquishing control is difficult, it is also extremely freeing. It's as if a weight lifts off of your shoulders when you truly internalize the fact that you are only accountable for you. The less time you spend trying to control external circumstances, the more time you can spend "giving yourself to the moment."
Your turn:
In what ways are you trying to exert control in your life? How would it feel to relinquish that control?
Your affirmation:
"I am not responsible for the thoughts and actions of others!"
Life Improvement Tips
Self-Improvement Begins With Self-Acceptance
When you are overwhelmed with doubts, fears, and insecurities, you sometimes exclaim, "I wish I were somebody else!" More often than not, you think and believe that most people are better than you are. In reality, the same people are more scared than you are!
You spot a totally hot girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping a colorful mixed drink. You say to yourself, "She looks so perfectly calm and confident."
If only you could read her mind, you might just be amazed with what she is thinking, "Are people talking about why I am seated here alone? Why don't guys find me attractive? - I don't like my ankles, they look too skinny - I wish I were as smart as my best friend."
You see a young business entrepreneur and say, "Whoa - what else could he ask for?"
The business entrepreneur stares at himself in the mirror and murmurs to himself, "I hate my big eyes - I wonder why my friends won't talk to me - I hope mom and dad can still work things out."
Isn't it funny? You look at other people, envy them for looking outrageously perfect, and wish you could trade places with them. On the other hand, they look at you and think of the same things!
You are insecure of other people who, in turn, are insecure of you. You suffer from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. Consequently, you lose hope in improving yourself because you are enveloped in quiet desperation.
I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. In most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she is saying. Because of this, all our other friends tend to avoid her whenever she is around. The sad part is that my friend does not notice this!
Learn to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. This is part of the self-improvement process. Find an honest and trusted friend whom you can comfortably ask delicate questions, such as: "Do you think I am ill-mannered?" "Do I always sound so argumentative?" "Do I talk too loud?" "Do I ever bore you when were together?" and others.
Listen for comments and criticisms and do not justify by saying, "Don't exaggerate! That's just the way I am!" Open your mind and heart and learn to receive these comments. In return, you may want to help your friend by offering constructive criticisms that will also help him/her improve.
One of Whitney Houston's songs says, "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first for you cannot give what you do not have.
In order to convince people to improve themselves, show them first some results, such as what you have achieved because of self-improvement. Self-improvement makes you a better person and when people see this, it inspires them to follow the same path.
People have insecurities. Nobody is perfect. People always wish they had better things, features, body parts, etc. Life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.
However, self-improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and the best. It starts with accepting and loving yourself. When you begin to improve yourself, then you begin to feel content and happy.
Stop thinking of yourself as a second-rate being. Quit thinking "If only - " thoughts. Accept your true self. This is the first step to self-improvement. Stop comparing yourself to others!
Aspire to become your best self.
Please share stories of exeptional people (maybe even your own success story) with my Readers! I would love to publish them on my Blog!
http://nymannewsletter.blogspot.com/
"I am not responsible for the thoughts and actions of others!"
Life Improvement Tips
Self-Improvement Begins With Self-Acceptance
When you are overwhelmed with doubts, fears, and insecurities, you sometimes exclaim, "I wish I were somebody else!" More often than not, you think and believe that most people are better than you are. In reality, the same people are more scared than you are!
You spot a totally hot girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping a colorful mixed drink. You say to yourself, "She looks so perfectly calm and confident."
If only you could read her mind, you might just be amazed with what she is thinking, "Are people talking about why I am seated here alone? Why don't guys find me attractive? - I don't like my ankles, they look too skinny - I wish I were as smart as my best friend."
You see a young business entrepreneur and say, "Whoa - what else could he ask for?"
The business entrepreneur stares at himself in the mirror and murmurs to himself, "I hate my big eyes - I wonder why my friends won't talk to me - I hope mom and dad can still work things out."
Isn't it funny? You look at other people, envy them for looking outrageously perfect, and wish you could trade places with them. On the other hand, they look at you and think of the same things!
You are insecure of other people who, in turn, are insecure of you. You suffer from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. Consequently, you lose hope in improving yourself because you are enveloped in quiet desperation.
I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. In most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she is saying. Because of this, all our other friends tend to avoid her whenever she is around. The sad part is that my friend does not notice this!
Learn to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. This is part of the self-improvement process. Find an honest and trusted friend whom you can comfortably ask delicate questions, such as: "Do you think I am ill-mannered?" "Do I always sound so argumentative?" "Do I talk too loud?" "Do I ever bore you when were together?" and others.
Listen for comments and criticisms and do not justify by saying, "Don't exaggerate! That's just the way I am!" Open your mind and heart and learn to receive these comments. In return, you may want to help your friend by offering constructive criticisms that will also help him/her improve.
One of Whitney Houston's songs says, "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first for you cannot give what you do not have.
In order to convince people to improve themselves, show them first some results, such as what you have achieved because of self-improvement. Self-improvement makes you a better person and when people see this, it inspires them to follow the same path.
People have insecurities. Nobody is perfect. People always wish they had better things, features, body parts, etc. Life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.
However, self-improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and the best. It starts with accepting and loving yourself. When you begin to improve yourself, then you begin to feel content and happy.
Stop thinking of yourself as a second-rate being. Quit thinking "If only - " thoughts. Accept your true self. This is the first step to self-improvement. Stop comparing yourself to others!
Aspire to become your best self.
Please share stories of exeptional people (maybe even your own success story) with my Readers! I would love to publish them on my Blog!
http://nymannewsletter.blogspot.com/
1 comment:
Hi, Helena -
I just read your latest newsletter, which included the following: "You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand!" A number of years ago, I volunteered as a telephone crisis counselor for battered/abused women. The office was located in a shelter, so I also had the opportunity to interact with women who were sheltered there. During our volunteer training, we were advised against making decisions for the women - unless they were in immediate danger, even though we might think we knew the best action. We were encouraged to help the women investigate the different avenues available to them in their situations, and tried to give them resources to become fully informed about those alternatives. I thought I understood the reasoning behind the concept during training, but didn't fully understand it until I had worked a few months at the shelter. By then, I had seen the successes and failures of a number of women. I finally understood the training. The lesson was not to be emotionally uninvolved or to have a clear conscience in knowing I did not direct the successes or failures of others. It was that women whose actions had been completely controlled by others should learn that they could control their own lives. The contact that we had with our successes showed that the women had developed goals and were working to meet them, and some of the ones who had returned to their abusers returned to us for another look at what could be. They were learning to control their own lives to reach their own goals.
I think the concept applies to all of us as teachers/mentors, and it reminds me of a saying I once saw in a junk store:
We cannot teach a person anything; we can only help him find it within himself.
MRH
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