Welcome to Helena Nyman's Newsletter 3/19/08

"Do more than exist: live.
Do more than touch: feel
Do more than look: observe
Do more than hear: listen
Do more than listen: understand
Do more than think: reflect
Do more that just talk: say something!"

~Author unknown~

What wonderful guidelines this quote offers for truly living our life! What else can I add?




Your turn:




Read this quote several times. Which lines "speak" to you most? Make a concerted effort to practice at least two of these philosophies today.




Your affirmation:


Choose whichever lines speak to you most and write them as an affirmation. Example: I reflect and speak with meaning. I listen intently. I look beyond the obvious and observe life.





Life Improvement Tips

Overwhelmed? How to Regain Your Balance



"Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, 'I'm going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snowshoes, that's tough. I am going to snow anyway.' - Maya Angelou

Once in a while, life or career changes will just pull the rug right out from underneath you, even when you think you are glued down and wrapped up tightly. How do you find peace when life pulls a fast one?

You may be contemplating a huge career move, facing empty nest or divorce, or you may simply be overwhelmed by all of the things you wish you could do but can't because there is only one of you. I have a few suggestions for you:

First, take a deep breath. Literally, inhale deeply, then exhale deeply, right now. Do it as many times slowly as you need until you feel your heart rate slow down and your muscles begin to relax.

Accept that what is, is. Trying to deny circumstances only increases your anxiety. By facing what is really going on, you can begin to take steps to correct it. I once saw a victim of Hurricane Katrina on a television news program who said he had cried for two days about his loss and was all cried out. Now, he said, he was going to move forward and make decisions about today. So take a lesson from him; mourn your loss in the way that will help you release it, then look to the future and take action to make it brighter.

Talk. Enlist the help of friends, trusted colleagues, a coach, family, or whoever will listen and support you. Sometimes when you're confronting a tough change, the last thing you want to do is talk. But talking can be one of the most healing things you can do. Find someone you trust and tell them, "I'm going through a tough time right now and would like to talk with someone for a little while. I'm not looking for advice or a quick fix for the situation, just an objective listener. Would you mind being that person?"

Let nature refresh you. One of the things I enjoy most and that gives me the most immediate peace is to be outside feeling the wind blow. The windier, the better! Nature doesn't always provide that, but being outdoors, away from phones, handheld devices, and television and absorbing sunshine, clouds, fresh air, and whatever else nature provides that day will unfailingly get your mind off of whatever troubles may be with you, at least in that moment. Go for a walk, run through a field, ride a bike, or just sit in a lawn chair. The change in environment will shift your perspective and let you see things more objectively.

Laugh! It may seem like the last thing you can make yourself do, but laughing has been proven to offer all kinds of physical benefits. Spend time with a friend who always has a great sense of humor, rent a funny movie, or just see some humor in your circumstances. I remember when my grandfather was in a nursing home near the end of his life. It was not a bright situation, but what did he do? He made up humorous nicknames for the staff and the other residents (none were disrespectful). I was a child at the time, but to this day I remember some of those names and still laugh out loud, thinking of my sweet grandfather making the best of a hard situation.

Work with your hands. If your hands are busy, your mind won't have to be. It can be anything -- cooking, building something, painting, sewing, repairing something, etc. Occupying your hands will free your mind of its clutter, if even for a little while. Over time these mini mind-breaks will allow your energy to rebuild!

Remember that if you are overwhelmed, don't just wait it out and hope it will get better. The most important things you can do are to practice good self-care and get help where you need it.


~Gwen Jewett ~

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Career Tips 101

Create Your Professional Success Stories - Part Two

Now its time for you to develop your success stories. At this point, you may be thinking: "But I don't have any success stories." To that I say: Hogwash! I know you do!

Every woman I coach through this process has feelings of self-doubt in the beginning. Each and every time, I help them develop strong, powerful stories that truly exemplify their greatest strengths and talents. If you are feeling some anxiety right now that is ok - your emotions are valid. Just remember, you are a legitimate professional with lots to offer and a track record of success to prove it.

Most women get stuck when its time to develop their success stories because they aren't sure what compelling contributions they've made. The main reason for this is because women tend to devalue their own contributions. For many, this is due to a combination of not wanting to brag and simply not knowing (or not owning) their gifts and talents.

Everyone has areas in which they excel. Too often, women overlook or devalue their greatest strengths. Since certain skills come to them so naturally, they assume everyone possesses these same gifts. The fact that a certain assignment may feel effortless to you does not negate the fact that it is a valuable skill. This exercise will help you identify your unique skill sets.
Step-by-Step Instructions

Develop conversational stories that paint a vivid word picture of your accomplishments. They should be short and concise and clearly highlight your role in the outcome.

To start, brainstorm a list of topics for your stories. Review each of your past jobs and write down your top accomplishments from each position. Use the above success story examples as inspiration.

You can also get ideas from:

Feedback you've received from clients, managers, colleagues, etc.

Praise you've received in your past performance reviews

Comments from audience members from your public speaking presentations

Information in your "Success File" - You do keep a Success File, right? (If not, see my book Thrive in Your Job for detailed instructions on how to keep a Success File.)

Each vignette should be a "before and after" story. Clearly show the cause and effect. Describe the original set of circumstances and how you contributed to improving the situation.

This week, gather information for your success stories. Next week, I'll show you how to start writing them!

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Relationships 101



101 Relationship Tips (Part 2)

11. Communicate

When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop. It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad. When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start. This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk. Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine. However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution. This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.

12. A Night Of Passion

Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy. Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way. When relationships are troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other. However, this is a part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward in the beginning, it is crucial. Make your intimate time together special. Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.

13. Dinner Party

Start a new tradition of hosting a dinner party every other month or two and inviting several of you and your mate's friends. Set up board games that everyone will enjoy, have some light and lively music playing, and plan to have a blast. Spending time with friends in this kind of setting is a great way to reduce stress. When stress is low, couples get along better. This is a wonderful way to interact with each other's friends as a couple.

14. Happy Birthday

As people grow older, in general, birthdays become less celebrated. Gifts are quickly given, meals eaten, and it is over. For your mate's next birthday, take some time to plan something very special. Make this a true celebration of their life as a way of showing your love and appreciation. Every person, even adults, like attention and love to be appreciated. Whether a surprise party or not, your mate will be impressed that you went to all the effort just for them.

15. Secret Getaway

Plan a nice weekend getaway to some place off the beaten track where you can enjoy some privacy. A quaint cottage or charming bed and breakfast would be ideal choices. Scout out the area ahead of time and choose a few things that the two of you would like to do in the area but just be sure to leave plenty of time for you to enjoy some alone time. Order a nice bottle of wine or some hot cappuccino and relax in front of the fire! Make this a romantic weekend where you can rekindle your love.

16. Special Greeting

If your mate has to work late and you know he had a bad day, surprise him with a late-night gourmet meal. When you hear him arrive home, greet him in new, sexy lingerie, a warm kiss, and wonderful hot meal. After he picks himself up off the floor, he will fall in love with you all over again for this wonderful greeting. If reversed and the woman is coming home, after giving her a lingering kiss, have her join you in the dining room where the table is set with soft glowing candles and a wonderful meal. Have an envelope lying by her plate that when opened, she will read, "This certificate is good for one thirty-minute massage after dinner." This is how you keep romance alive!

17. Just Because

Give your mate gifts "just because." These do not have to be expensive whatsoever. For example, one woman had a miniature dish collection in her kitchen. Her husband came home and told her that he had a gift for her. Holding out her hand, he gently placed in her hand a miniature porcelain cup with her name neatly written in blue ink. She knew that this cup probably cost no more than $2.00 but the thought that he would take the time to find something she enjoyed, was worth $1 million. The small gifts packed with thought are far more cherished.

18. Say It With Words

Surprise your mate with little notes found in unexpected places. If your mate travels for work, place a loving note somewhere in their suitcase. Perhaps they have a long commute to work. If so, slip a note saying, "I love you," in their CD case where you know they will find it. Another recommendation is sticking a note on the bathroom mirror so this will be the first thing seen in the morning. Be creative and have some fun with this.

19. Cuddle Time

When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence. However, as the relationship progresses or after children enter the picture, the cuddling stops. Take some time just to cuddle. If your mate is sitting on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed reading, scoot close and tell them that you just want to cuddle. This makes both people feel secure and loved.

20. Breakfast In Bed

When was the last time you or your mate were served breakfast in bed? Never? On a Saturday or Sunday, when nothing special is planned, get up a little early and fix their favorite breakfast. Include the morning newspaper as an added bonus. Although they may be shocked, you can be guaranteed that this gesture of love will be appreciated.

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Quote of the Week

"Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness."

~ George Santayana, 1863-1952, Spanish-born American Philosopher~