Welcome to Helena Nyman's Newsletter

Newsletter 12/12/07

"Every action that you perform is recorded in you, the soul. These imprints ultimately mold your character and destiny. When you understand this principle, you will pay more attention to bringing your best to everything you do."

~ Dadi Janki ~

Imagine that your life were one big movie that you could replay on your VCR. Then imagine you were the editor of this movie and had to create two volumes of scenes. One volume would contain clips of your "greatest hits." The other volume would be your "outtakes or bloopers." Take a moment to think about at least five scenes that would be on each tape. After doing so, write down five lessons you learned from this exercise. When I did this myself, I learned many things including: my "greatest hits" often weren't huge endeavors or undertakings, but simple acts of kindness from one soul to another. My "bloopers" were when I lost sight of my vision and steered from my core values.

Your Turn:
Take some time to reflect on and complete this exercise throughout the day.

Your affirmation:

I am a willing student of my past, and take my lesson toward the future.


Life Improvement Tips

Self-Confidence Secrets: Measure Your Success

Would you like to be confident in the things you do? Most people would. The problem is that many people aren't sure how. They think it is some mystical trait that some people seem to have and others don't. Actually, being confident in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is a skill that can be learned.Let's say you've decided to move forward in your efforts to achieve your goals and have taken action.

Congratulations for reaching this point! Along the way you will certainly experience many victories. Yet there will also be challenges. To keep yourself going, you are going to need lots of support from one very important person: Yourself! This support comes in the form of setting achievable goals, supportive self-talk, self-monitoring to acknowledge success, and plenty of rewards along the way.

Today's theme is the crucial importance of acknowledging success. To balance the scale of triumphs and challenges, the skill needed is learning to recognize and feel good about all the little steps you take each day, and the efforts you put forth toward achieving your goal. Building on every little victory acts like fuel to your confidence. Achieving any new goal isn't easy. It takes decision, hard work, effort, and dedication. But that is what this life is about - setting new goals for ourselves and accomplishing those goals. Learning to feel good along the path to something new is what makes life a grand adventure.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
- Albert Schweitzer

WHY ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS?

For many, the journey toward reaching the overall goal is often a long road. It's frequently so full of experiences and opportunities (okay, challenges) that we often don't notice the gradual change that is occurring. We don't recognize the progress we have made. This error of self-acknowledgment can be devastating and stop us dead in our tracks.One surefire way of putting out your own fire is to dismiss your success. Let's imagine you've been binging on food for quite a few days. Through much effort and determination, you manage to stay binge-free for three days. Following these three days, you binge again. What are you most likely to do with this situation?* Do you count those three days as success?

* Do you dismiss those three days as proof that since they didn't last, you are not good enough to have what you want -- now falling into helplessness or hopelessness?
* Do you use those three days (and subsequent relapse) as an occasion to self-condemn and shame yourself?
* Do those three days count for anything wonderful in your book?


WHEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS

One day, I decided I wanted to increase the amount of water I was drinking each day. I thought this goal through and decided that the best way to achieve success would be to drink one bottle of water each morning as I was getting ready for my day. After a few weeks had gone by, I pondered my goal. I realized that almost every morning I had drunk one full bottle of water. Had I achieved success with my goal? How long must a goal be achieved before I could call myself successful?Contemplating, I became aware of my own particularly nasty habit. I set goals for myself. With enough time, my goals became habits. But I had no mental criteria established for when I could call myself successful. There was no endpoint of "How do I know I've achieved my goal?" And since there was no endpoint, there was no feeling good at the end of my goal. I was running my own life story of not being good enough for myself, and having to earn my own love but never succeeding. I sat there amazed at my own self-realization. I asked, "How long must I maintain a behavior before I can call myself successful?" The answer came immediately: "The very first time the behavior is achieved, you are successful." Wow! This about blew me away. I successfully achieved my goal the first day I followed through with my intention. No wonder I never felt enough. I was completely failing to recognize, acknowledge, or celebrate my strengths, efforts, and my achievements.Many of the people I work with also have no internal criteria established for knowing when they are successful. Oh, sure, they may say when they lose 40 pounds, then they will be successful. Or when they stop binging, then they will be happy. But what happens when they lose those 40 pounds or stop binging for several days? Success is never measured, never celebrated, never acknowledged. Eventually a few pounds creep back on or a relapse in binge behavior occurs. Wouldn't you know it? This gets acknowledged! Lots of negative self-talk, huge emotion, beastly feelings of self-reproach... now there is evidence that success cannot be achieved. Without being conscious of it, the criteria were that if the weight was maintained forever, or a binge never occurred again, then success would be achieved. The problem with this strategy? Success can't be measured until forever occurs, meaning success never occurs.

"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. Courage is what counts."
- Sir Winston Churchill


SUCCESS EXERCISE

Close your eyes and relax. Think of a success you had today. Maybe it was feeling good, or deciding to drive past the fast food restaurant, or choosing to sit still while envisioning your goal, or laughing instead of feeling heavy. Maybe you overcame an urge, and even though later you didn't overcome the urge, that first "overcoming" was a success. You cannot change the fact of it or deny that it was a success.Remember your goals. Recall your successes of the day. Remember your efforts. Get in touch with your very being. Feel your physical body. Breathe in... breathe out. Acknowledge your successes over and over again in your mind. Say to yourself, "I was truly successful. There is no denying that." Imagine the lightness of your joy is spreading all around, filling your body. It is filling your chest, spreading to your abdominal cavity reaching towards your thighs, legs, and feet. Think of a similar spread to your shoulders, arms, hand, head, neck, and face. Now your whole body is filled with radiant blissful lightness. You are calm and centered and feeling really good. Nourish your goal by looking for more successes. Bring your goal life and light through praise and intention and enthusiasm. Strengthen your goal by feeding it love. Breathe in... breathe out.


DO YOU:

1. Expect the best from yourself?
2. Understand your needs and use this information to create an environment that builds your motivation?
3. Establish standards of excellence that are attainable for yourself?
4. Create an environment where failure isn't fatal?
5. Encourage yourself or nag yourself?
6. Recognize and applaud your efforts?
7. Use a mixture of positive and negative reinforcement (acknowledge without judgment, but with honesty, your failures)?

~ Dr. Annette Colby ~


Career Tips


Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Two)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.


Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many women get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.
The women who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, women really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.

Know What You Don't Want

To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover the culture of your workplace.

Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What don't I enjoy about the culture of my current workplace?
· What didn't I like about the culture at past places of employment?
· In what way(s) would I like the culture to be different at my next job? For example, am I looking for a culture that is:
o Smaller or larger than my current organization?
o Less bureaucratic than my current company?
o Has a more innovative spirit?
o Has a more structured organization?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list.

Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want in your next job: The people with whom you work.
~Maret~


Relationships 101

"3 Important R's In Relationships That Can Help You Survive and Thrive, No Matter What!"

If there's one complaint that we hear over and over about the challenges of relationships, it's this:"How do you find the time and energy to create and keep great relationships?"This is such a great question especially since we all seem to be continually busy and stressedmuch of the time. This is especially true this time of year when there are so many holiday activities to attend, gifts to buy and preparations to make.We just seem to be on the go from morning until night-and if we don't interrupt the pattern, it can take its toll on our bodies, our spirits, our emotions and our relationships.So what's the answer?The answer comes from a surprising source. Athletes. Not just athletes-- but world class athletes who seem to always win over and over.

They have discovered that renewal drives performance.Whether they realize it or not the best of the best athletes figure out ways to take mini-rest and renewal breaks- even during matches or games--that will help them to be at their best when it really counts.Perhaps you've seen the tennis pro switching his/herracquet from hand to hand after a point in an important tennis match on TV. Until it was pointed out to us that this switching allowed the arms of his or herdominant hand and arm to relax, we didn't realize what was going on.We thought it was just "nervous tension" and we didn'trealize that this wasn't just nervous tension but actually a recovery and renewal break that would allow the pro to play at his/her optimum level throughout the match.At this point, you're probably wondering what this hasto do with your relationships.It's simple.

If you don't allow yourself to take renewal breaks throughout your day or week, no matter how busy you are, you cannot be who you truly are with those you love--let alone those you don't.

That's why the 3 R's (rest, relaxation and renewal) are so important to you, especially as you try to build and maintain great relationships. It's true that we all need some amount of stress to expand and grow but continual stress with no rest, renewal and relaxation time is harmful.When we are under continual stress, we say and do things unconsciously from habit and past experiences and do not consciously choose how we are going to be in our relationships and lives.

When you consciously make choices about your words and actions and are not muddled by stress, you are able to speak and act from a place inside you that is true.This truth creates intimacy, connection and love with the important people in your life.Here are a few tips to encourage you to take rest, recovery and renewal time, no matter what's going on in your life.


1. Breathe deeply

When we get stressed, we forget to breathe.A mini-renewal break can simply be taking a deep breath in and exhaling all of it, emptying your lungs.Write a note to yourself and put it in your car to remind you to take a deep breath as you sit in traffic or deal with the kids who are arguing in the back seat.


2. Take a 15 minute walk outside

We walk around our neighborhood and we've found that even 15 minutes can make a difference in how we feel.


3. Let it go

When something happens that is upsetting to you, don't hold onto it and mull it over. Reliving the painful memory will only keep you from living your life to its fullest and will separate you from the people aroundyou.Let it go as soon as you have said what you needed to say. If agreements need to be created around the issue, then suggest that the two of you talk about how to "do it differently" the next time.

"Worry" also falls in this category. Don't waste your energy and time "worrying" about someone or something. It only creates more stress and agitationinside you.Spend your "thought" time on what makes you happy and your heart sing.If you focus on loving yourself and others, instead of worrying about them or holding onto grudges, wethink you'll see a big difference in your relationships.Renewal, rest and recovery may seem to be the last thing that you think you have time for but we'd urge you to re-think that belief.

These 3 r's are not only absolutely necessary for the health and happiness of your physical body and mental outlook but are also essential to the health and continual growth of your relationships.


Quote of the Week

"You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer ~