Welcome to my Newsletter 12/19/07

Newsletter 12/19/07

Today is a very special day for me! At 9:30am EST, I am taking my Citizenship Oath at the Courthouse in Richmond, VA to become a US Citizen!

I am filled with pride, happiness and gratitude! A life-long dream becomes reality!

God Bless America!



"Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."

~ Oscar Wilde ~

As many of us make our last minute Christmas preparations, tying ribbons and bows, I thought this Oscar Wilde quote a nice reminder about "real riches." While we give gifts and save gift receipts, let us remember that the best gift we can give doesn't fit in a box ... and it certainly doesn't need a gift receipt. It isn't the opening of the presents or the surprises inside that bring true and lasting joy. It's the moments around the edges, the laughter, the winks, the touch of one person to another. Both sadly and ironically, it is often easier to see what really matters -- when it isn't there to see. Ask a family that has lost someone this past year - and they know for certain what is missing, and they know for certain what matters, and they know for certain it isn't under the tree or tucked carefully in a package wrapped with gold ribbon. We have to learn to see love, and touch love, and make it just as visible as any other icon of the season. Perhaps if it was tangible, if we could see how fragile moments really are, we would be more careful not to drop them.

I always feel that when we lose something, we stand to gain something. Life is balance. In my search to gain, I did something new this year. Instead of opening doors on an advent calendar each day and anticipating a piece of chocolate inside, I opened my eyes to a magical moment each day. It was much more rewarding, and each day brought more than one moment. Of course, I had to open my eyes and choose to see them. Otherwise--I would have only seen another pound on the scale from some chocolates.

Your Turn:

What can you do today, and every day, to make love visible in your life? Imagine your love carefully contained within a fragile, heirloom glass ornament; imagine love from others in the same way. Handle love carefully, give it freely and treat it for what it is--the greatest gift we will ever have the power to give or receive.

Your affirmation:

Today, I make my love for others visible, realizing it is the only gift that truly matters.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you' to my Darling Husband James who wanted to share these tips with my Readers!

How to Make Small Talk-Naturally

Have you ever lingered in your car or lurked in the ladies' room or stared intently at the crudités platter - anything rather than (scary music here) talk to people you don't know at a party? Sparkling repartee doesn't come easily to all of us, and the fear of seeming fake or being labeled a bore makes it even harder to click into banter mode.

Or maybe you hate the thought of getting stuck with some blowhard whose conversational agenda boils down to "Hi! Are you as interesting as I am? Nah, I didn't think so." But the thing is, making chitchat lets us create connections of all kinds - it's how we open doors that change our lives. And it's a way to give and receive a little dose of human warmth. Read on for the smart (and angst-free) way to get the words flowing.

STEP 1: Make the first move.

"Initiating the conversation gets your adrenaline pumping, which helps erase your anxiety," explains Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.

. Choose a person who seems approachable; someone standing by themselves is a good bet, Fine says. Then just look her in the eye, smile, and say, "Hi, I'm Kathy. What's your name?" (That very slight emphasis on "your" will engage her.)As soon as she gives her name, repeat it: "Nice to meet you, Jill." This helps lock her name into your memory - and, just as important, it also creates a bond between you two. If you later find that you've forgotten what to call her, fess up immediately, as in, "Gosh, I'm sorry, can you remind me of your name?" It won't be nearly as tough as you think, and remember: The longer you pretend to know, the more embarrassing it gets to admit you don't.

STEP 2: Start off with what you share.

Your simplest gambit is to inquire about the person's connection to the event. "Something as easy as 'How do you know Mike and Beth?' is a great conversation starter because it's an open-ended question - it can't be answered with one word," notes Fine.Or, try an observation followed by a question: "This restaurant sure does great birthday parties. Ever been here before?" And since flattery usually does get you somewhere, you could give a compliment followed by a question: "The baby carrier you gave Marla is cool. Where'd you find it?"

STEP 3: Play detective.

Let's say you opened with, "How are you doing with all this rain?" To move from this surface chitchat to a deeper dialogue, listen for any word in the other person's reply that might suggest a conversational direction, advises Leil Lowndes, author of Goodbye to Shy. A few examples:HER: "Oh, I don't mind the rain. It's good for the plants."YOU: "Are you a gardener?"HER: "If I wanted this much rain, I'd live in Seattle!"YOU: "Have you been to Seattle?"HER: "I haven't been able to take the dog on a decent walk in a week."YOU: "I have a miniature dachshund named Beau. Tell me about your dog."

STEP 4: Open up - within limits.

Don't keep firing out questions, says Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room; people will feel like they're being interrogated. Rather, reveal some information about yourself while respecting the comfort level of a new acquaintance. "I'm fine - considering that my husband walked out on me last week" is probably a little too much information. Ditto for "No drink for me. I'm on antibiotics for a yeast infection." Health (yours or theirs), money, religion, and politics are all bad bets.On the other hand, just about anything you find curious or interesting probably will work to keep things rolling. Fine was on her way to a large dinner when she heard a radio story about a survey that asked people to choose between two superpowers: Would they rather fly or have the power to turn invisible? "I brought it up during the first awkward silence at my table," she recalls, "and just as in the study, men preferred flight, women invisibility. But the main thing was, all my tablemates started chattering like magpies."

STEP 5: Listen out loud.

Visual cues that you're listening, such as eye contact and nodding, are not enough to communicate enthusiasm. Use verbal cues ("Uh-huh, mmm-hmm," or "Oh, you're kidding! She didn't!") to let the person know you're paying attention. The more positive feedback you give, the more others will enjoy speaking to you. Put your heart into it, and you'll be amazed at how a little "small talk" can quickly lead to a big connection.
4 Ways to Ditch a Windbag

Ever hesitate to begin a conversation because you fear you'll never be able to end it? Motivational speaker Debra Fine suggests these graceful ways to get the heck out of Dodge:Give Warning

"I want to hear about your cruise, but I also want to be sure to talk to Jenna before she leaves."If the conversation shows no sign of winding down, let the person know your time is running out.Show Appreciation

"I'm so glad to have heard about your trip - you've inspired me to plan my next vacation. Nice talking to you."You'll feel less guilty about closing the conversation if you say something positive. And the chatterbox will be more gracious about letting you go if you pave the way with some flattery.Explain Your Next Move

"I need to go to the ladies' room/call my babysitter/catch Jenna."Just make sure you do what you say, warns Fine. Don't let the person see you were just making an excuse!Play Host

"Come with me - I'd like to introduce you to Jenna/hit the bar/meet the guest of honor."Whether your conversational partner agrees to join you or not, this tactic makes her feel included - even as you're giving her the slip.


For more in depth tips, dowload your FREE E-Book
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Life Improvement Tips

Success is Like Riding a Bicycle

Okay, a show of hands, please!How many of you learned to ride a bicycle as a child?Hey, that's quite a lot of you.Now, close your eyes and remember what it felt like to ride a bicycle for the first time. Maybe yours had training wheels that helped to balance the bike as you gained confidence riding on the sidewalk in front of your house. As your confidence expanded, and also from observing the older children in the neighborhood riding without any assistance, you then graduated to your first test without training wheels. It was scary!At the beginning came the wobbling of the tires and excited, hurried pedaling as you struggled to break free of your parent's or older sibling's guiding hand for balance. And, perhaps there were one or two falls along the way! However, through your determination, willpower, desire, and continued practice, you soon sped forward on your own.As you grew in size and age, you moved up to bigger and more complex bicycles and mastered them all. Some of you even learned to ride without holding onto the handlebars or perhaps did "daredevil" tricks jumping over ramps like Evel Knievel.And, I'll bet now that even if you haven't ridden a bicycle in years, you could still do it.Now, let's take a look at success. For many people, success or being successful is just as scary as the first time they rode a bicycle. Naturally, many people want to be successful. However, there are few that truly have the motivation to put forward the needed effort and action and make the necessary sacrifices to get what they want. Here are four of my success strategies. Make them part of your "quest for success."1) Just as you did when you learned to ride a bicycle, here is only one way to accomplish anything today -- set your mind to concentrate on doing it and let nothing interfere with your progress. Obstacles, whether they be training wheels on a bike or lack of resources (money, time, lack of skill, etc.), are quickly overcome by the person who sets out to accomplish their heart's desire. Those who have the desire, "the fire in the belly" so to speak, will outdistance and outperform those who do not.2) No matter what anyone says, "Size does matter." When you first learned to ride a bike, you were a child. As you grew to adulthood, of course, you were faced with greater and more challenging situations. On your road to success, remember this quote from my Success System book, "The Power of Concentration: How to Take Control of Your Life"..."The 'bigger' you are, the smaller the obstacle appears. The 'smaller' you are, the greater the obstacle appears."Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you the needed "size" and courage for the conquest -- now and in the future. 3) Do not expect that you will always have a smooth road, free of potholes, speed bumps, and detours. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. The way you navigate the bad roads shows exactly what you are made of. Keep on with your journey and view with delight the smooth roads that are in front of you.4) Do not let a setback stop you. Just like when you skinned your knees and elbows learning to ride, think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal. Learn from it and use the lesson to move ahead.Success IS like riding a bicycle. Learn my strategies of success outlined above, and you will ALWAYS be up to the challenge -- regardless of the size.

~ K.Shaw~

Career Tips

Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Three)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.

Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many clients get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.

The clients who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.

When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, people really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. My 12-part program-"Discover Your Authentic Career Fit"-breaks the process down into simply organized and manageable action steps. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.Know What You Don't Want
To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover the people with whom you work. Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What don't I enjoy about the people at my current workplace?
· What didn't I like about the people at past places of employment?
· In what way(s) would I like the people to be different at my next place of work? For example, am I looking for a group of people who are:

o Friendlier?
o More professional and dedicated?
o More family-oriented?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list. Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want in your next job: Your individual work style.

I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~

Relationships 101

5 Strategies For Surviving The Holidays For Singles

It's now December and the holidays are currently upon us. All you see are Christmas decorations in the stores and holiday commercials of happy families celebrating mostly Christmas and New Years Eve. Because you are single and not even in a significant relationship, this can be a tough time of year for you, especially if you desire to be a part of a couple and have a family of your own. The feelings that come up range from loneliness to dread to jealousy of your friends and family who seem to have it all!

What's a single guy or gal to do? Today's dating advice for women and men includes the results of a survey I conducted with my friends and clients, where I found five different strategies that make the holiday season a happy and productive time of year. The first strategy includes:

1. Take a trip and get out of town!

My girlfriend takes a cruise in the Caribbean during Christmas week through New Years Day. There are also singles ski trips, Club Med and such. Another option is to find a buddy and go away to the destination of your choosing. Not only are you taking a vacation, but you never know who you will meet on your adventure!

2. Seek out singles events and gatherings.

There are many singles parties on New Years Eve in every major City. It's a great time to meet people because everyone is open and festive. No one wants to be alone on New Years Eve. You can also create your own party for friends.
Each year, I organize a mostly singles dinner for my friends on Christmas day. It's sometimes easier not to deal with the couple or family thing - especially if there are married couples with kids. Most of my singles friends yearn to have a family. I also know my single friends are uncomfortable with witnessing the public display of affection sometimes demonstrated by couples. So it's just easier to hang out with other singles.
As you can see, the holidays can be a great time to make the most of being single! From shopping for yourself, earning extra cash, taking a vacation, and more, the holidays can be a great time to treat yourself when others may not be able to!

3. Earn overtime pay by working!

Most people want to take off during the holidays. Who is going to hold down the fort? I have a friend who works in radio. She covers the holiday shift so others can be with their families. I also know someone who helps out in a restaurant once a year to help out a friend who is short-handed. You help others and make some extra pocket change- it's a win-win!
Strategically planning the upcoming holidays helps you feel less lonely and depressed during the holidays and makes this time of year more enjoyable for you!

4. Go out and do the stuff you love!

Another dating tips for men and women include going to the gym- it's usually open part of the day (closes early on Christmas Eve and closed Christmas Day). Also, you can go shopping and take advantage of the sales late Christmas Eve or New Years Day. Buy yourself the items you really wanted for yourself. Go see the movie that you are dying to see. Go to a museum exhibit you haven't been able to visit. You don't have to worry about anyone holding you back. Also, many Churches and Synagogues have volunteer programs on Christmas Day.

5.Stay home and catch up on paperwork!

What a great time to get your taxes in order! You can also spend your time at home searching the internet dating sites for your true love. Besides, it's just another day in the year. It will be over before you know it and you will get a jump on next year!

A word of caution to help prevent tough relationship issues: Starting in November, beware of falling into a false, convenient relationship. Here you find yourself in a precarious relationship that's somewhat comfortable (and clearly not the one) that can carry you through the cold, dark months of winter. This is the hardest time of the year to be single. It seems as though we are sometimes playing musical chairs and that by late November, whomever you were dating, you attach yourself to this person and settle into a relationship for the time being.When I was single, I unconsciously found myself in relationships by late Fall so that I would have someone to be with me during the holidays. And with my birthday in January and subsequently the dreaded Valentine's Day in February, I was then in a position to get the attention and the gifts I truly desired! Funny how by March or April the relationship broke up and I was out in the dating world again as spring blossomed.So you get to choose. How do you want to spend the holidays? Only you know what feels right for you. Perhaps you want to try something new this year. It's time to make your plans now so you are not left out in the cold!

~ Amy ~

Welcome to Helena Nyman's Newsletter

Newsletter 12/12/07

"Every action that you perform is recorded in you, the soul. These imprints ultimately mold your character and destiny. When you understand this principle, you will pay more attention to bringing your best to everything you do."

~ Dadi Janki ~

Imagine that your life were one big movie that you could replay on your VCR. Then imagine you were the editor of this movie and had to create two volumes of scenes. One volume would contain clips of your "greatest hits." The other volume would be your "outtakes or bloopers." Take a moment to think about at least five scenes that would be on each tape. After doing so, write down five lessons you learned from this exercise. When I did this myself, I learned many things including: my "greatest hits" often weren't huge endeavors or undertakings, but simple acts of kindness from one soul to another. My "bloopers" were when I lost sight of my vision and steered from my core values.

Your Turn:
Take some time to reflect on and complete this exercise throughout the day.

Your affirmation:

I am a willing student of my past, and take my lesson toward the future.


Life Improvement Tips

Self-Confidence Secrets: Measure Your Success

Would you like to be confident in the things you do? Most people would. The problem is that many people aren't sure how. They think it is some mystical trait that some people seem to have and others don't. Actually, being confident in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is a skill that can be learned.Let's say you've decided to move forward in your efforts to achieve your goals and have taken action.

Congratulations for reaching this point! Along the way you will certainly experience many victories. Yet there will also be challenges. To keep yourself going, you are going to need lots of support from one very important person: Yourself! This support comes in the form of setting achievable goals, supportive self-talk, self-monitoring to acknowledge success, and plenty of rewards along the way.

Today's theme is the crucial importance of acknowledging success. To balance the scale of triumphs and challenges, the skill needed is learning to recognize and feel good about all the little steps you take each day, and the efforts you put forth toward achieving your goal. Building on every little victory acts like fuel to your confidence. Achieving any new goal isn't easy. It takes decision, hard work, effort, and dedication. But that is what this life is about - setting new goals for ourselves and accomplishing those goals. Learning to feel good along the path to something new is what makes life a grand adventure.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
- Albert Schweitzer

WHY ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS?

For many, the journey toward reaching the overall goal is often a long road. It's frequently so full of experiences and opportunities (okay, challenges) that we often don't notice the gradual change that is occurring. We don't recognize the progress we have made. This error of self-acknowledgment can be devastating and stop us dead in our tracks.One surefire way of putting out your own fire is to dismiss your success. Let's imagine you've been binging on food for quite a few days. Through much effort and determination, you manage to stay binge-free for three days. Following these three days, you binge again. What are you most likely to do with this situation?* Do you count those three days as success?

* Do you dismiss those three days as proof that since they didn't last, you are not good enough to have what you want -- now falling into helplessness or hopelessness?
* Do you use those three days (and subsequent relapse) as an occasion to self-condemn and shame yourself?
* Do those three days count for anything wonderful in your book?


WHEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS

One day, I decided I wanted to increase the amount of water I was drinking each day. I thought this goal through and decided that the best way to achieve success would be to drink one bottle of water each morning as I was getting ready for my day. After a few weeks had gone by, I pondered my goal. I realized that almost every morning I had drunk one full bottle of water. Had I achieved success with my goal? How long must a goal be achieved before I could call myself successful?Contemplating, I became aware of my own particularly nasty habit. I set goals for myself. With enough time, my goals became habits. But I had no mental criteria established for when I could call myself successful. There was no endpoint of "How do I know I've achieved my goal?" And since there was no endpoint, there was no feeling good at the end of my goal. I was running my own life story of not being good enough for myself, and having to earn my own love but never succeeding. I sat there amazed at my own self-realization. I asked, "How long must I maintain a behavior before I can call myself successful?" The answer came immediately: "The very first time the behavior is achieved, you are successful." Wow! This about blew me away. I successfully achieved my goal the first day I followed through with my intention. No wonder I never felt enough. I was completely failing to recognize, acknowledge, or celebrate my strengths, efforts, and my achievements.Many of the people I work with also have no internal criteria established for knowing when they are successful. Oh, sure, they may say when they lose 40 pounds, then they will be successful. Or when they stop binging, then they will be happy. But what happens when they lose those 40 pounds or stop binging for several days? Success is never measured, never celebrated, never acknowledged. Eventually a few pounds creep back on or a relapse in binge behavior occurs. Wouldn't you know it? This gets acknowledged! Lots of negative self-talk, huge emotion, beastly feelings of self-reproach... now there is evidence that success cannot be achieved. Without being conscious of it, the criteria were that if the weight was maintained forever, or a binge never occurred again, then success would be achieved. The problem with this strategy? Success can't be measured until forever occurs, meaning success never occurs.

"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. Courage is what counts."
- Sir Winston Churchill


SUCCESS EXERCISE

Close your eyes and relax. Think of a success you had today. Maybe it was feeling good, or deciding to drive past the fast food restaurant, or choosing to sit still while envisioning your goal, or laughing instead of feeling heavy. Maybe you overcame an urge, and even though later you didn't overcome the urge, that first "overcoming" was a success. You cannot change the fact of it or deny that it was a success.Remember your goals. Recall your successes of the day. Remember your efforts. Get in touch with your very being. Feel your physical body. Breathe in... breathe out. Acknowledge your successes over and over again in your mind. Say to yourself, "I was truly successful. There is no denying that." Imagine the lightness of your joy is spreading all around, filling your body. It is filling your chest, spreading to your abdominal cavity reaching towards your thighs, legs, and feet. Think of a similar spread to your shoulders, arms, hand, head, neck, and face. Now your whole body is filled with radiant blissful lightness. You are calm and centered and feeling really good. Nourish your goal by looking for more successes. Bring your goal life and light through praise and intention and enthusiasm. Strengthen your goal by feeding it love. Breathe in... breathe out.


DO YOU:

1. Expect the best from yourself?
2. Understand your needs and use this information to create an environment that builds your motivation?
3. Establish standards of excellence that are attainable for yourself?
4. Create an environment where failure isn't fatal?
5. Encourage yourself or nag yourself?
6. Recognize and applaud your efforts?
7. Use a mixture of positive and negative reinforcement (acknowledge without judgment, but with honesty, your failures)?

~ Dr. Annette Colby ~


Career Tips


Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Two)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.


Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many women get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.
The women who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, women really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.

Know What You Don't Want

To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover the culture of your workplace.

Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What don't I enjoy about the culture of my current workplace?
· What didn't I like about the culture at past places of employment?
· In what way(s) would I like the culture to be different at my next job? For example, am I looking for a culture that is:
o Smaller or larger than my current organization?
o Less bureaucratic than my current company?
o Has a more innovative spirit?
o Has a more structured organization?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list.

Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want in your next job: The people with whom you work.
~Maret~


Relationships 101

"3 Important R's In Relationships That Can Help You Survive and Thrive, No Matter What!"

If there's one complaint that we hear over and over about the challenges of relationships, it's this:"How do you find the time and energy to create and keep great relationships?"This is such a great question especially since we all seem to be continually busy and stressedmuch of the time. This is especially true this time of year when there are so many holiday activities to attend, gifts to buy and preparations to make.We just seem to be on the go from morning until night-and if we don't interrupt the pattern, it can take its toll on our bodies, our spirits, our emotions and our relationships.So what's the answer?The answer comes from a surprising source. Athletes. Not just athletes-- but world class athletes who seem to always win over and over.

They have discovered that renewal drives performance.Whether they realize it or not the best of the best athletes figure out ways to take mini-rest and renewal breaks- even during matches or games--that will help them to be at their best when it really counts.Perhaps you've seen the tennis pro switching his/herracquet from hand to hand after a point in an important tennis match on TV. Until it was pointed out to us that this switching allowed the arms of his or herdominant hand and arm to relax, we didn't realize what was going on.We thought it was just "nervous tension" and we didn'trealize that this wasn't just nervous tension but actually a recovery and renewal break that would allow the pro to play at his/her optimum level throughout the match.At this point, you're probably wondering what this hasto do with your relationships.It's simple.

If you don't allow yourself to take renewal breaks throughout your day or week, no matter how busy you are, you cannot be who you truly are with those you love--let alone those you don't.

That's why the 3 R's (rest, relaxation and renewal) are so important to you, especially as you try to build and maintain great relationships. It's true that we all need some amount of stress to expand and grow but continual stress with no rest, renewal and relaxation time is harmful.When we are under continual stress, we say and do things unconsciously from habit and past experiences and do not consciously choose how we are going to be in our relationships and lives.

When you consciously make choices about your words and actions and are not muddled by stress, you are able to speak and act from a place inside you that is true.This truth creates intimacy, connection and love with the important people in your life.Here are a few tips to encourage you to take rest, recovery and renewal time, no matter what's going on in your life.


1. Breathe deeply

When we get stressed, we forget to breathe.A mini-renewal break can simply be taking a deep breath in and exhaling all of it, emptying your lungs.Write a note to yourself and put it in your car to remind you to take a deep breath as you sit in traffic or deal with the kids who are arguing in the back seat.


2. Take a 15 minute walk outside

We walk around our neighborhood and we've found that even 15 minutes can make a difference in how we feel.


3. Let it go

When something happens that is upsetting to you, don't hold onto it and mull it over. Reliving the painful memory will only keep you from living your life to its fullest and will separate you from the people aroundyou.Let it go as soon as you have said what you needed to say. If agreements need to be created around the issue, then suggest that the two of you talk about how to "do it differently" the next time.

"Worry" also falls in this category. Don't waste your energy and time "worrying" about someone or something. It only creates more stress and agitationinside you.Spend your "thought" time on what makes you happy and your heart sing.If you focus on loving yourself and others, instead of worrying about them or holding onto grudges, wethink you'll see a big difference in your relationships.Renewal, rest and recovery may seem to be the last thing that you think you have time for but we'd urge you to re-think that belief.

These 3 r's are not only absolutely necessary for the health and happiness of your physical body and mental outlook but are also essential to the health and continual growth of your relationships.


Quote of the Week

"You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer ~

Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 12/5/07

"When problems arise, don't get furious, get curious."

~ Anonymous ~

I have always been an advocate of asking questions. My friends will tell you that whenever I meet someone, I ask them so many questions they would likely think I am an attorney. As you know, I am not - but I am a knowledge-seeker. I love to learn about people, about places, about anything. I love to see how other people think, why things exist and how they got there.Today's quote stresses the importance of "questions" in our lives. I think one skill we could all benefit from is that of asking more questions. When something goes wrong, instead of getting upset, we could ask: How did this happen? Why did this happen? Did I contribute to it in any way? Is there something I could do differently? What are other ways this situation could have turned out? The questions are endless and they will be much more productive than anger.

Your Turn:
Today, try to ask 100 questions to yourself or those around you. At the end of the day, evaluate how much you have learned by having a "questioning" attitude versus an "I already know the answer" attitude.

Your affirmation:
Each day I learn something new.




Life Improvement Tips

Celebrate your Life!

My very first coach, Rachelle Disbennett-Lee has two favorite sayings, "My life is perfect and only getting better," and "Today is the best day of my life!" And she's serious about both. It's really fun to be around Rachelle because she radiates this 'best life' point of view. Whenever I try this too, I instantly feel lighter because I've shifted into a lighthearted and playful attitude.
I'm asking you to try this too. Say out loud, "This is the best day of my life!" and mean it. See how great it feels? This simple act will raise your perception to a whole new level. From this vantage point, you'll begin to notice and celebrate all of the positive things around you, putting you in an upward spiral of constructive energy versus a downward spiral of negativity. Even if nothing earth-shattering happens, you'll be in a better mood. And this mood is attractive and appealing to others. If someone overhears you and doesn't quite get it, that's okay! You'll be having a great day, so it's worth a few questioning looks. My favorite personal saying is, "All is well in my world." Whenever I connect with this truth, I really do feel as though I'm having the best day of my life and that it's only getting better.

~ Christen ~



Know What You Want To Get Ahead Step One

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.
Many women get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many women get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.
The women who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, women really just don't know what career will make them happy.
Know What You Don't Want
To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover roles and responsibilities. Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What roles and responsibilities do I not enjoy in my current position?
· What tasks and duties did I dislike in past jobs?
· What roles do I not want to get stuck with again?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list. Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want at work: The Culture.

I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~


Relationships 101


7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 4)

Continuing on the topic of Seven Ways To Succeed In The Sport of Dating, today we're discussing the final tip in our dating tips for men and women in this area that involves having a relationship coach.

7. Suppose you have a great understanding of how the game is played, and you are skilled at the game you play. However, imagine that you have decided you would like to be even better at what you do! In sports, to become better at what you play, you take lessons from a coach or trainer to fine-tune your strokes and/or learn how to play a game more successfully. In dating, a relationship coach can help you improve your approach and strategies in order to be more effective and ultimately, more successful. The coach is standing on the sidelines with you and cheering you on!

By applying the same tried and true formula for success for sports to dating, you will see how easy it is to improve your skills on the dating game field.
Go out there and win at the game of dating!

~Amy~

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter 11/28/07

"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you!"

~ Anonymous ~


I love this quote. How often do you spend time comparing yourself to others? Perhaps measuring your success, health, will power, determination, wealth, beauty? Let me ask you this - what good can that possibly do? We cannot know the exact circumstances of another. We cannot understand their shoes for we have not walked in them. And at the end of the day, "No one in the entire word can do a better job of being you than you."


Your Turn:

As you find yourself comparing yourself to others, re-read this quote. The world would certainly be boring if we were all clones of one another. Do not relish in other's success or envy their efforts. Instead, relish in who you are and your unique offerings to our world.

Your Affirmation:

I do not compare myself to others. There is a beauty and uniqueness that only I can offer the world.

Life Improvement Tips
Clarity about Clutter

I'm an organized person -- just ask anyone who knows me. In spite of my talents at organization, clutter loomed its ugly head during our recent move. You see, I'm committed to making the most from what I have, and I can find a use for practically anything. As a result, I turned our home and my studio and office into an attractive, well-organized landfill. I'm over it.

After vigorously pruning before the move only to find that I had an additional ten boxes of books and magazines (Are you beginning to get the picture?), six more giant sacks of clothes, and six boxes of unclassifiable junk to get rid of, I saw the light. Never again am I going to collect more than I can keep attractively and accessibly in the space I already have. No more will I hold onto odd screws, outdated clothes, and books just because they could conceivably be useful to someone, somewhere, someday. If you, too, have been slowly suffocating under growing piles of indispensable clutter, it's time to take the clutter challenge.

Evaluate how true each of these statements is for you on a scale of 1 to 5. Be honest. Then choose one area in which you fall short and resolve to de-clutter there, this week, without fail.

1. Each season I discard or donate the clothing that I did not wear, whether or not it still fits and regardless of whether or not I made it myself.

2. I buy quality books in hardcover and donate them to the library when I finish them, except only books that I use in the day-to-day operation of my business or that I resort to on an ongoing basis for inspiration and delight. (Note: the test is not whether I might use them, but whether or not I DO use them.)

3. I give away, recycle, or toss anything I have not used for a year. (If I do find I want something like it in the future, I will happily borrow, rent, or buy it, knowing that in the meantime I have not had to pay to store it, clean it, or look for it.)

4. I return -- immediately -- any purchase that does not fit or function.

5. I repair anything within a week of when it breaks or stops working or I discard/donate it.

6. At the end of each year, I discard files that are more than seven years old.

7. I discard, donate, or recycle any souvenir or memento that is not framed and displayed within thirty days of acquisition.

Action tip: Get a clutter buddy and make a commitment to each other that you will put these principles to work. Make a date to go to the recycling center, the dump, and Goodwill together. Help each other say "no" to the clutter in your lives. Phone each other for support and intervention whenever you are tempted to rent a storage unit, buy new shelving or drawers, or build a shed.

Bonus tip: Lose the catalogs. Recycle them immediately and write the Mail Preference Service of the Direct Marketing Association to stop future mailings. You'll prevent clutter from both the catalogs and the umpteen goodies that you don't buy because you'll never know you need them.

~ Molly Gordon ~

Career Tips

Career Values: Part 5

Identify Your Strengths and Talents - Know Your Strengths and Talents

If you haven't done so already, take a moment to complete the exercise I laid out in last week's Newsletter.

Once you have completed this exercise, review your notes and identify the top skills that have emerged. Make a list of all the professional competencies you have identified. Even if they seem unimpressive to you - write them down anyway. This is all vital information to discovering what you are naturally good at.

After you've completed your list, organize it into categories. You'll find that certain skills go together and can be combined under similar headings. Arrange your skills list into these groupings and then distill them into your top five professional competencies. Narrowing it down to your top five is very important because this will tell you the type of work you enjoy the most.
Schedule time in your calendar to complete this exercise in the next seven days. If you haven't finished the previous three exercises I've outlined this month, take the time to do them this week as well.

Working in your career "sweet spot" is about having a profession in which you can truly be yourself. Life is way too short to work in a job that is not a good fit for who you are. As you know, when you're miserable in your career, it darkens your entire world.
However, when you have a position that fits with your life values, work values, passions and skills - you have the makings of a phenomenal career! I wish you much continued professional success as you move towards discovering and working in your career "sweet spot!"

~Maret~



Relationships 101

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 3)

As we continue to learn the Seven Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating, today you'll find out about strengths and weaknesses as well as endurance.

5. In sports, one needs to access your opponent's strengths and weaknesses. In a game, you play to your opponents weaknesses. In dating, you focus on the opposite - your date' strengths. You look at how you can work as a team instead of opponents. Here, you look to work from each other's strengths, and minimize weaknesses.

6. In sports, to improve your performance, it takes practice. You need to get out and hit the ball again and again in order to anticipate and formulate strategies. In dating, the more you go out and meet different people, the easier it gets. When you get out there regularly, you are able to choose more quickly and confidently who is right for you and who is not. This will minimize your relationship issues in the long run.

Focusing on these two tips can help resolve many relationship questions you may be asking yourself right now.

Join us next week, when I'll share the last dating tip for men and women to help you succeed in the sport of dating.

~Amy~

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter

Newsletter 11/21/07

"It matters not what a person is born, but who they choose to be!"

~ Joanne Kathleen Rowling ~

I really enjoyed stumbling across this quote, especially given the author. For those who don't know, Joanne is the author of the Harry Potter series. She is an inspiration and success story, who chose to follow her dreams. A single parent receiving assistance, Joanne pursued her writing dream in every spare moment. And of course, the rest is history as she sets publishing record after publishing record.

Your Turn:

Is there a piece of your life that you feel pre-destined to live out? Did you grow up in a family without money and thus feel that financial security is not within your reach? Did adults around you discourage your dreams until you forgot how to dream them? Take the words of Joanne to heart--choose to be more.

Your Affirmation:

Each day I choose to be all I can be.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you' to Ms. Isabel Brennen for sending me this wonderful Mural Mosaic!

This mural was unveiled last week at the Cochrane Ranch House. Each tile is 1 foot square so it is a huge mural.

You can click on the tiles to see them in detail. And then use Your "back" to go to the original. Check out the horse’s eye. You really can't help but check them all out it's amazing!!

To check out the mural and click on the tiles, click here!

If you can’t open the link, type: http://muralmosaicnyman.blogspot.com/

Life Improvement Tips

Finding Motivation: Or What to Do When You Don't Feel Like Doing Anything

"The measure of your success usually comes down to who wins the battle that rages between the two of you. The 'you' who wants to stop, give up, or take it easy, and the 'you' who chooses to beat back that which would stand in the way of your success -- complacency."

~ Chris Widener ~

In all my interactions with people, I've never found anyone, regardless of their level of success, who doesn't sometimes find themselves simply not wanting to do the things that they need and want to do. It is a part of human nature that there will be times that, in spite of all that we need to do, and even desire to, we will find ourselves not wanting to do anything.

And what separates those who will become successful from those who will maintain the status quo, is the ability at those very crucial moments of time when we are making decisions about what we will do, to choose to find the inner motivation that will enable us to conquer our complacency and move on in action.

I find that I confront this issue in my life on a regular basis, so the following success strategies are not merely pie in the sky techniques, but proven ways to get yourself to go even when you don't feel like doing anything.

Honestly evaluate whether or not you need a break.

This is the first thing that I usually do when I find that I don't want to get to a specific action. The fact is that oftentimes we will have been working very hard, and the lethargy we are feeling is really our body and emotions telling us that we simply need a break. And this is where it takes real intellectual honesty because when we don't need a break, our mind is still telling us we need a break! But sometimes we do need a break. I'll give you a good example. I don't particularly like to exercise, but I do almost every day. Sometimes, I find myself before going to the club thinking about how I just didn't feel like going. Most of the time I am just being lazy. However, sometimes I realize that my body needs a break. So from time to time I will take a one- or two-day break from working out. The benefits of this are two-fold: One, my body gets a break to regenerate itself. Two, after a day or two, I begin to miss my workout, and eagerly anticipate a turning to the gym. Other examples: Perhaps you are a salesman who has been phoning clients for a week straight, day and night. You wake up one morning and just don't feel like doing it any more. Well, take a break for the morning. Go to a coffee shop and read the paper. Go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. Take a break and then get back to it!

Start small.

I'm at a point in my workout schedule now where a typical workout day for me consists of 30 to 45 minutes of aerobic exercise, and about 30 minutes of weight lifting. So when I find myself not wanting to get up and go to the gym, I will sometimes make a commitment to go and just do a smaller workout. Instead of deciding not to go, I'll commit to doing 15 to 20 minutes of aerobic exercise and 15 to 30 minutes of weight lifting. This is also good for two reasons. One, I actually get some exercise that day. And two, it keeps me from getting into a cycle of giving up when I don't feel like moving toward action. Other examples: Maybe you are a writer who simply doesn't want to write today. Instead of the long day writing you had planned, decide that you will at least outline a couple of new articles. You will at least get these done, and you may have found that you put yourself into the writing mood after all.

Change your routine.

I have found that what keeps me in the best shape and burns the most calories for me is to do 30 to 45 minutes on the treadmill every day. Now let me be very blunt. I find running on the treadmill to be extremely boring. Usually I can get myself to do it, but sometimes I need to vary my routine. So instead of 30 to 45 minutes on a treadmill, I will break down my aerobic exercise routine into a number of different areas. I will do 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill, 10 to 15 minutes on the reclining cycle, 5 to 10 minutes on the rowing machine, 5 to 10 minutes on the stair stepper, and then back on to the treadmill for five to 10 minutes. I still get my exercise, but I'm bored a lot less. Other examples: Maybe you are in construction and you have been working on the plumbing for a week, and it is getting monotonous. Don't do the plumbing today! Go frame-in the office.

Reward yourself.

One way that I motivate myself to do something when I don't feel like doing it is to tell myself that if I get through the work that I need to, I will give myself a little reward. For instance, I may tell myself if I to get up and go to the club, I can take five to 10 minutes off my treadmill exercise, which will shorten my workout routine, and I'll allow myself to sit in the hot tub for a few extra minutes. Hey, it works! Other examples: Maybe you are a mortgage broker who feels like sleeping in. Tell yourself that after the next three mortgages you close, you will take your kids to the fair or your spouse to the movies. Maybe you'll give yourself a night on the town with old friends.

Reconnect the action with pleasure rather than pain.

Psychologists have long told us that we humans tend to connect every action with either pleasure or pain. Tony Robbins has popularized this even further in the last few years with something he calls Neural Associations. That is, we connect every action with either a pleasure or pain. When we are finding ourselves lacking motivation, what we are probably finding about ourselves is that we are associating the action that we are thinking about with pain, rather than pleasure. For instance, when I'm considering not going to the health club on any given day, I am usually associating going and working out with having no time, the pain of exercising and weight lifting, or the boringness of running on a treadmill for an extended period of time. What I can do to re-associate is to remind myself that by going in and doing my exercise, I will feel better about myself, I will lose weight, and I will live longer. This brings me pleasure. When we begin to run those kinds of tapes through our minds, we find our internal motivating force unleashed and changing our attitude about the action that we are considering. Other examples: Maybe you are a counselor who really doesn't want to spend the day listening to people. Your association may be that it will be boring, or that you will be inside while it is sunny outside. Instead, re-associate yourself to the truth of the matter: Someone will be better off because of your care and concern. Think of your clients and the progression they have been making recently and how you have been a part of that.

Give these ideas a try and see if you don't find yourself pushing through into action!

Career Tips

Career Values: Part 4

Identify Your Strengths and Talents

This week, I am guiding you through the process of defining your career "sweet spot."
Working in your "sweet spot" means your job is in alignment with your values, skills and passions.

The final step is to identify your top professional skills. A big part of working in your "sweet spot" is doing what you are good at. This allows you to be in a job that comes naturally to you, rather than a position in which you have to try way too hard to make things work. (Been there, done that!)

Instead of feeling like heaving a huge boulder up a mountain, working in your "sweet spot" feels like rolling a rock down a mountain with momentum - joy in what you do and the rewards it brings you - easing you along. On a typical workday, if you feel like a square peg being pounded into a round hole, you owe it to yourself to explore other career options either within or outside your current profession.

The following written exercise will help you identify your top skills:

Review all of the jobs you have held, including your current position. Go all the way back to your first job - maybe it was in high school. Take out a separate sheet of paper for each position and write your title at the top of the page. Then, brainstorm what you liked about each job.

Ask yourself questions such as:

- What did I enjoy about this position?

- What assignments did I like working on?

- What elements of this position gave me the most satisfaction?

- What tasks were easy for me to accomplish?

- What types of projects elicited the most compliments from managers and clients?

There are no right or wrong answers in this exercise. Let your brainstorm flow and do not censor yourself. This document is for your eyes only, so there is no risk of judgment. I recommend you work on this a few days in a row for about 15 minutes each day. Give yourself enough time for all ideas and observations to surface.

Schedule time in your calendar to complete this exercise in the next seven days. Next week, I will guide you through the process of analyzing your results.

~Maret~

Relationships 101

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 2)

We've all ready leaned the necessity of compatibility and attitude. We'll continue this week with the importance of focus.

3. In sports, it is best not to dwell on your past bad performance, but rather look forward towards making your next point or shot. In the same way, in dating, you don't want to think about how bad your last date went. You want to focus on having a good experience this time around.

My next piece of dating advice for women and men covers reaching your goals.

4. In sports, it is important to keep your eye on the ball - where it's coming from and where you want it to go. As in dating, you want to keep the focus on your goal of your time together and the end result you desire. Are you looking for a marriage partner? If so, does the person you are dating have that same goal? You want to make sure your reasons for dating are in sync or you will have major relationship issues!

Until the next time, when we'll continue our discussion on the Seven Ways to Succeed In The Sport of Dating.

~Amy~

Welcome to my Newsletter

Newsletter 11/14/07

"Excellence is caring more than others think is wise; risking more than others think is safe; dreaming more than others think is practical; and expecting more than others think is possible!"

~ Author unknown ~

I fell in love with this quote the first time I saw it many years ago. I found it on an inspirational poster with a photo of a soaring eagle while going through a difficult period in my life. It resonated with me, because it matched my core beliefs--even though those core beliefs often required walking up to the precipice of life and taking uncalculated risks. Yet I knew that these were principles I had to live by in order to experience all that life would offer to me. I never wanted to miss a chance, even though that would require falling down and getting many-a-bruise.

Last night, I was reflecting on what a full life means to me. In prior Newsletters, I have shared that I found one key is to "greet each moment with a sense of appreciation instead of expectation."

I believe we pass another milestone when our fears become an inspiration instead of deterrent in achieving our full potential. Learning to take risks, and enjoying that sense of adventure--no matter what the end result is another key. When we can appreciate our own courage, despite the result, we see - and more importantly - take the opportunities life so often presents.

That statement leads me back to a quote I saw on a card when I was only fourteen. I bought the card and have it still. The outside of the card features a small sailboat on an ocean night. Below the photo is states simply, "One cannot discover new lands without losing sight of the shore."

To me, this quote speaks volumes about change. So many of us want to realize change, but we are unwilling to "cast away" the lines that tie us to our old habits. We try to reach the "other side of the ocean" while leaving those ties around us. That is an impossible journey. We must be willing to throw off the ties and set sail toward our dreams.

Your Turn:

Review today's quote and think about what it means to you. How can you practice excellence in your life? And what about change? Are you trying to change, while still holding onto the past? If so, make a concerted effort to cast away the lines and see where the wonderful journey of life will take you.

Your Affirmation:

Each day, I sail toward and realize the great gifts of this life.

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter

Newsletter 11/7/07

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude!"

~ Thomas Jefferson ~

Take a quick attitude "temperature" check.

How is your attitude this morning?

Are you ready to have a great day?

As we work to make our days consistently brighter, we learn the "tools" it takes for us to have a great day. Each of us has triggers that help us to make the most of our day. Our triggers might include getting up on time, having a healthy breakfast, having time to write an affirmation or read a positive book. Think through the tasks you normally do that help get your day off to a good start.

Your Turn:

Think about your "good days," "medium days," and "average days." Which days are most enjoyable and productive for you? Odds are it is the "good days" that help you make progress toward creating the life you desire. The first key ingredient to a "good day" is the right mental attitude. Likewise, the major component in reaching a goal (as today's quote states) is the right mental attitude. Realize that taking the time to "program yourself" for a great day with a great attitude is important. It is never something to be neglected.

Your Affirmation:

I make sure that each day, prior to leaving my home or interacting with others, I have a great mental attitude.