Welcome to my Newsletter 1/16/08

"Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you."

~ Wally Famous' Amos ~

Want a quick way to measure how you feel about yourself and what type of attitude you have? Answer this question: how do you see the world around you today?If you see the world as scary, worrisome, negative or stressful--odds are you are holding these feelings within. Likewise, if you see the world as hopeful, optimistic and joy-filled, you likely embrace those feelings within.We can't capture the invisible. If we desire a life of peace, contentment and happiness but cannot feel it internally, we won't be able to find it externally.

Your Turn:

How we perceive the external is a reflection of how we feel internally. If you took a picture of the external world today, what would it reveal about you? Use this technique to keep your attitude healthy and strong. Treat yourself well--remember that how you feel will be reflected into the world and to all of those around you.

Your affirmation:

Today, I create a stronger "self" by treating myself with care, love and respect!

~

Life Improvement

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Cut Stress out before it even happens

~

You often see articles on ways to unwind and relax after a stressful day, which I always find useful, but for me the most important advice would be to get to the source of the problem, and cut stress out before it even happens. By careful editing of your life, and changing certain habits, you can eliminate most (not all) sources of stress in your life. I don't believe that a stress-free life is possible. Stress is a response to challenges in life, and a life without challenges is too boring to contemplate. However, I do believe that most of the stress in our lives is unnecessary, and that it can be eliminated by taking some simple (and some not-so-simple) steps.

It can't be accomplished overnight - I've been eliminating stressors in my life for awhile now, and I'm still not done. But I think it's a worthwhile goal. Let's first take a look at an example - it's a little extreme, but it exemplifies the typical stressors in people's lives. Let's say Fred gets up in the morning, waking up late, and now has to rush to get ready. He's so rushed that he spills his coffee on his shirt and has to change, a nicks himself shaving. He heads out the door and then has to go back in the house because he forgot his wallet. He gets in the car and realizes he forgot his keys. Now he's on the way in to work and is in the middle of rush-hour traffic - and his temper starts to flare after someone cuts him off. He's honking at people, cursing, and arrives to work late and in a bad mood. He snaps at someone and is surly all morning. His desk is covered in piles of paper, and he can't find that report he needs to work on. His inbox is overflowing and his email notification is going off, and he sees he has 36 messages to respond to. He knows he's late on two projects and his boss isn't happy. He's got to finish 5 tasks before the 11 a.m. meeting, and he's got meetings all afternoon. You get the idea. His day does not go well, and he hits rush-hour traffic on the way home. He gets home late, exhausted, completely stressed, his mind still on his late and as-yet uncompleted projects, his still-full inbox and email inbox, and all the stuff piling up that he has to work on tomorrow. The house is a mess and he snaps at his family. His kids have not put things away exactly where he told them to put them away, so he begins to yell at them. He has a quick, greasy dinner in front of the TV and zones out before falling asleep late. Again, this is a bit extreme, but you can see through this illustration some of the things that stress people out. There are many more, of course, and I won't cover all of them here. But these sources of stress can be eliminated with a little thought.

Here's how:

Identify Stressors - This is the most important step of all, as identifying the things that stress you out in your life is the first step towards eliminating them. Take 10 minutes to think about what stresses you out during the day. What weekly occurrences stress you out? What people, activities, things cause stress in your life? Make a Top 10 list, and see which of them can be eliminated, and start to weed them out. For those that can't, find ways to make them less stressful.

Eliminate Unnecessary Commitments - I did a post on editing your commitments before - apply those concepts here. We all have many commitments in our life, starting with work but also including commitments related to kids, our spouses, things to do at home, other family, civic, side work, religious, hobbies, online activities and more. Consider each of them, the amount of stress they provide, and the value you get out of them. Edit brutally, and take steps today to remove the ones that stress you out the most.

Procrastination - We all do this, of course. But allowing stuff to pile up will stress us out. Find ways to take care of stuff now (form a Do It Now habit) and keep your inbox and desk clear.

See 20 Procrastination Hacks for more ideas.

Disorganization - We're all disorganized to some extent. Even if we've organized something, and created a great system for keeping it that way, things tend to move towards chaos over time. But disorganization stresses us out, in terms of visual clutter, and in making it difficult to find stuff we need. Take time to get things in your life organized, starting with your desk and the papers in your home, and moving on to other areas.

Being Late - Being late always stresses us out. We have to rush to get ready, rush to get there, and stress out the whole time about looking bad and being late. Learn the habit of being early, and this stress disappears. Make a conscious effort to start getting ready earlier, and to leave earlier. This also makes driving less stressful. Time yourself to see how long it actually takes to get ready, and how long it actually takes to get somewhere. You've probably been underestimating these times. Once you know these times, you can plan backwards so that you show up 10 minutes early each time. It's a good feeling.

Controlling - We are not the Master of this Universe. I know we sometimes wish we were, but acting as if we are is a sure way to get stressed out. Trying to control situations and people cannot work, and only serves to increase our anxiety when it doesn't work. Learn to let go, and accept the way that other people do things, and accept what happens in different situations. The only thing you can control is yourself - work on that before you consider trying to control the world. Also learn to separate yourself from tasks and to delegate them. Learning to let go of our need to control others and the situations around us is a major step towards eliminating stress.

Multitasking - Having multiple tasks going on at the same time might seem productive, but in actuality it slows us down from actually focusing on a task and completing it - and it stresses us out in the meantime. Learn to single-task.

Eliminate Energy Drains - If you've analyzed your life (in Step 1) and found things that stress you out, you might have also noticed things that drain your energy. Certain things in our life just cause us to be more exhausted than others, with less value. Identify them, and cut them out. You'll have much more energy and much less stress. Happiness ensues.

Avoid Difficult People - You know who they are. If you take a minute to think about it, you can identify all the people in your life - bosses, coworkers, customers, friends, family, etc. - who make your life more difficult. Now, you could confront them and do battle with them, but that will most certainly be difficult. Just cut them out of your life.

Simplify Life - Simplifying, of course, is a major theme of Zen Habits. Simplify your routines, your commitments, your information intake, your cluttered rooms, the mass of stuff going on in your life - and have less stress as a result. Start with Edit Your Life and then look through the other simplicity articles.

Unschedule - Create more open periods of time in your life. It's not necessary to schedule every minute of our lives. Learn to avoid meetings, keep wide open blocks of time where we either work on our important tasks or batch process the smaller ones. When someone asks to schedule a meeting, first try to get it done through email or phone - if that doesn't work, avoid having it scheduled. Ask them to call you and see if you're free at that time. You will love having an open schedule.

Slow Down - Instead of rushing through life, learn to take things slow. Enjoy your food, enjoy the people around you, enjoy nature. This step alone can save tons of stress.

Help Others - It may sound contradictory to add more tasks to your life by trying to help other people (you've got enough to do), but if you were to add anything to your life, this should be it. Helping others, whether volunteering for a charity organization or just making an effort to be compassionate towards people you meet, not only gives you a very good feeling, it somehow lowers your stress level. Of course, this doesn't work if you try to control others, or help others in a very rushed and frenetic way - learn to take it easy, enjoy yourself, and let things happen, as you work to make the lives of others better.

Relax Throughout The Day - It's important to take mini-breaks during your work day. Stop what you're doing, massage your shoulders and neck and head and hands and arms, get up and stretch, walk around, drink some water. Go outside and appreciate the fresh air and the beautiful sky. Talk to someone you like. Life doesn't have to be all about productivity. You should also avoid using online activity too much as your de-stressing activity - get away from the computer to relax.

Quit Work - This one's drastic, and probably too drastic for most. But in most likelihood, your work is your absolute biggest stressor. Getting out of your 9-to-5, automating your income, and finding something you truly love to do, that you're passionate about, will create a positive life and much less stressful one at that. Give it a little thought before dismissing it - there might be possibilities here you haven't considered.

Simplify Your To-do List - I've written about this before, but attempting to do everything on your long to-do list will definitely stress you out. Learn to simplify your to-do list down to the few essential tasks, and you will enjoy the process much more.

Exercise -This is common advice for stress relief, and that's because it works - but it's also a stress prevention method. Exercising helps relieve the stress buildup, it gives you some quiet time to contemplate and relax, and just as importantly, it makes you more fit. A fitter person is better equipped to handle stress. Another important factor: being unhealthy can be a major stressor (especially once you have to go to the hospital), and exercise can help prevent that.

Eat Healthy - This goes hand-in-hand with exercise as a stress prevention method, of course. Become healthier and a major source of stress will disappear. Also, I've found that greasy food, for me, puts me in a worse mood and can contribute to stress levels immediately.

Be Grateful - This might not be as obvious as some of the others, but developing an attitude of gratitude (I sound like a preacher with that rhyme!) is a way of thinking positive, eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thereby reducing stress. Learn to be grateful for what you have, for the people in your life, and see it as a gift. With this sort of outlook on life, stress will go down and happiness will go up.

That's a winning formula.

Zen-like Environment - Take time to declutter your desk (as mentioned above) and even once you do that, continually edit your desk and working space, and the things in your home, until you've created a simple, peaceful, Zen-like environment. It will be much less stressful to work in an environment like that than a more cluttered and distracting one.

~ Leo ~

Relationship 101

7 Keys To Better Relationships

Would you like to enhance the quality of your life and increase your personal happiness? If you answered "yes," the information in this article could change your life!

Isn't it easy to get stuck in the everydayness of life? We can get so busy making a living and getting ahead financially that the really important things fall through the cracks!

That can happen to all of us. However, when people come to the end of their lives, they don't wish they had spent more time making money. When all is said and done, we want our family and friends to be with us then!

So let's try to focus on developing better relationships instead of acquiring more things. Think of your circle of family and friends as a lovely garden to water and cultivate. The book of Proverbs teaches this crucial truth: "A man that has friends must show himself friendly" (Proverbs 18:24).

Here are 7 keys that will help your relationships to bloom:

1. Spend time with your friends and loved ones.

Although this is obvious, we need to intentionally set aside time in our schedules for them no matter how busy we think we are. Put appointments with friends and family into your daytimer or palm pilot. If you don't do this, you may forget and months and even years can go by without seeing these special people. The sad fact is that those relationships can dry up and wither away from neglect.
Many marriages fail for just this reason. People are often too busy to spend enough time with each other and one or both of the partners can't take the neglect. If you want your relationships to bloom, you have to water them with quality time. How long would a rose garden be lush and beautiful if no one watered it for days without end?

2. Genuinely appreciate the special people in your life.

Tell them how much they mean to you. Mention their good qualities and how special they are. For example, if you need to correct your children's behavior, be sure to spend twice as much time appreciating their positive qualities than reprimanding their negative ones.

3. Learn to say, "I was wrong. Please forgive me."

This will do wonders for your relationships. Humility is a beautiful quality in any person. Someone who thinks he or she is always right can be impossible to live with. If your habitual attitute is "I'm ALWAYS right," that's a poisonous plant that will spread and ruin your entire garden. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness when we've done something wrong does not degrade us. Instead it shows that we are growing up.

4. Be quick to forgive and don't hold grudges.

Bury the past. Bitterness never helped anyone. It only hurts the bitter person. Don't let the agressive weeds of unforgiveness spoil your garden. Try not to crush tender relationship plants by being harsh and unforgiving.

5. Learn to say "thank you" a lot.

Everyone loves to be appreciated for what he or she has done instead of being taken for granted. You may be thrilled by the vibrant blossoms of encouragement that will result from taking time to say "thank you."

6. Listen more than you talk.

In a game of tennis it would be very strange for one of the players to bounce the ball up and down on his or her side instead of hitting the ball back to the other player. The same could be said for the game of ping pong. These games teach a powerful lesson. If you are always talking and other people don't have a chance to get a word in edgewise, you won't be very popular for long.

7. Go out of your way to help others in practical ways.

If a friend is in the hospital, go visit him. If a neighbor is going through a difficult financial time, bring groceries over to help tide him or her through the crisis.
If you follow these simple but powerful suggestions for nurturing your relationships, you yourself will also reap benefits in the form of increased happiness, pep and vitality. That's because our relationships are far more important to our wellbeing than how much money we make or how well we're doing climbing the corporate ladder.

Why not take a personal inventory of your life today?

Put these suggestions into practice and become more effective in cultivating your special relationships.

Happy gardening!

~ Patricia ~

Quote of the Week

"We may go to the moon, but that's not very far. The greatest distance we have to cover still lies within us."

~ Charles de Gaulle ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 1/9/08

Newsletter 1/9/08

"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you."

~ Anonymous ~

How often do you spend time comparing yourself to others? Perhaps measuring your success, health, will power, determination, wealth, beauty? Let me ask you this - what good can that possibly do? We cannot know the exact circumstances of another. We cannot understand their shoes for we have not walked in them. And at the end of the day, "No one in the entire word can do a better job of being you than you."

Your Turn:

As you find yourself comparing yourself to others, re-read this quote. The world would certainly be boring if we were all clones of one another. Do not relish in other's success or envy their efforts. Instead, relish in who you are and your unique offerings to our world.

Your affirmation:

I do not compare myself to others. There is a beauty and uniqueness that only I can offer the world!

Life Improvement Tips

How To Eliminate Your Self-Doubt

Are these familiar dialogues for you: "I don't have the nerve to try that!" or "that's too risky!" or "I'm not sure I can do that" etc? Are you one of those people who always doubt your own ability? Well, you're not alone. A lot of people do not have confidence in themselves. Every change in the normal way of life gets a ton of introspection and most of the time, self-doubt wins and not trying seems safer. However, safe doesn't always mean best; sooner or later you'll get depressed always being stuck on a rut. You have to reduce these self-doubts in order to move ahead.

It will help if you can figure out why you feel wimpy all the time. Is it because of a past mistake that crippled you so much? Are you afraid to end up like someone you knew who took too much risk? Were you told often by authority figures - parents, sibling, teachers or officers - that you don't and can't amount to anything? You've probably heard it so often that you believed it as the universal truth all the time.

Deep down you know it's not true, right? Not all risks will result into failure and you can avoid making the same mistake your friend did. Silence the inner critic in you then. You don't have to listen to past criticisms. Nor should you judge all your other abilities based on a single failure. Instead draw on your strengths and keep them in mind. Granted, it's not going to be easy. But you can take baby steps and not leap into anything that you're not ready for.

Start by cataloging your positives. Take out a sheet of paper and list the things that you know you can do. Fill it up from the whimsical - able to juggle four balls in the air, for example - to the downright great ones like a good grasp of grammar. Look back and try to remember how you learned those skills. Some of them were probably inherited or something that you learned instinctively. But the rest were skills that you got only thru experience. Therefore, you must have tried it before and found out that you can do it. That list becomes physical proof that you are someone who can do something and by the same token, can do a lot more if you can just get out of your safety zone and try something new again.

Banish those self-doubts and see how high you can fly.

Right now. I mean it.

Why are you still here?

~ Jeff ~

Career Tips

Don't Lose Your Job After An Argument With Your Boss!

Arthur is known for being a temperamental person. One day, his impulses failed to save him. He got involved in a heated and intense argument with none other than his boss.

The situation was so flaringly intense. Everyone in the office fell mum and shocked. Many opted to pretend that they did not to hear and see anything, although majority of them had their ears glued to the door and heard the exchange of hot and flaming words between a superior and a subordinate.

Situations like these are sometimes unavoidable and come even if people never like these to happen. These incidents do happen, even under all unfavorable and awkward circumstances.
For the subordinate, the next problem now is how to fix the mess. Arguments and strained relationships with the boss are some of the most disturbing yet preventable situations confronting most employees and subordinates.

In the normal and conventional corporate setting, most employees go to the extent of kissing their boss' ass just to earn good favor and ratings from the boss.
When things happen, the usual and logical question to ask himself or herself would be, "How do I get out of this mess?"

Things are really screwed up when you get into an argument or disagreement with your boss. This can put your job at risk.

Understandably, it is hard to lose a job nowadays. The cost of living is always on the rise and you have bills to pay on a regular basis. Yearly, millions of younger and brighter new graduates are competing in the ever declining and narrowing job market.

So, what would be your best move?

When things are screwed between you and your boss, analyze the situation very carefully and try to humbly admit who is on the wrong or erring side.
If you realized that you made the terrible mistake, plan to make amends. Never burn bridges because your boss is the only way in and out of your occupation.
Professionalism would prevent your boss from firing you just because of that one instance or episode. However, the situation still depends on the gravity of your offense and the way you handled the disagreement.

If only heated words were exchanged, there is still a chance. Just make sure that you learn your lesson well. The next time a similar event occurs, make sure you have complete control on your self and never utter profane words to your boss again.

If more than just heated words were exchanged (such as the involvement of physical violence), chances are you already lost your job and you should start looking for a new one!
Making amends and admission of guilt are gestures of humility. Doing so would effectively save your face.

For sure, your boss got angry at your attitude and behavior, but this is already a given. Bosses are human too. They are also prone to impulsive reactions. The difference is that they are tasked with greater and even grave responsibilities.

Make amends by admitting your guilt or saying that you are sorry. Never burn bridges with your boss because as mentioned earlier, your boss decides if you are still in or out of the department. If saying sorry is never enough, try to give him or her little tokens.
If you decide to voluntarily leave the office, it is good to have a good closure by making peace with your boss. He could still help you by giving a referral, which you will need for your next job application, don't you think?

~ Jeff ~

Relationships 101

5 Steps To Improving Communication

"Communication is the lifeline of relationships. The health of any relationship is determined by the quality of the conversations between or among the people involved." S. DeKoven Ph.D

Like the heart in the human body, I believe that communication in relationships connect all the vital elements and sustains the life of relationships. If you don't talk and share your feelings, thoughts, ideas etc, unfortunately we were not born mind readers so we won't know what the other is thinking. Then if we don't know, how can we react properly?
Anyway, here are the 5 steps I promised.

Start With Desire

Yeah, I know, you're thinking "I already know what you're gonna say" so, I'll say it anyhow.
You will never improve your communication skills or the way you share with your partner if you don't begin with the desire to improve it. For example: If your car is dirty and you are comfortable with how it looks and don't think it needs cleaning, then regardless of what anyone says or how they feel about it, you probably won't do anything to change it.
So, if you are going to ever change or improve the way you talk and share in your relationships, then you must want to improve. Without that desire, nothing else will matter.

Learn To Listen

Do you know how most people listen to each other, especially couples?
Well, they often sit while the other person is talking waiting for a space to jump into the conversation to defend their actions, explain themselves, or explode in anger. Sometimes the problems that arise in relationships is caused by couples that rarely listen to each other.
You should listen actively and emphatically to what your partner is trying to express to you. What is she/he saying by his/her facial expressions, body language? etc. What type of feelings about this subject is he/she trying to convey? Learn to listen to more that just his/her words since we all can't often express what we're really trying to say in words alone.

Don't Assume

We often assume that we understand what our partner is trying to say and our assumptions can be dead wrong. What's worse is when we don't understand and won't ask for clarification but leave the conversation assuming that we know what was said.

Let's look at another example: Mary knocks on James' door and he opens it wearing a colorful t-shirt so she says "Wow, that's an interesting shirt you're wearing." Now James assumes mary doesn't like his shirt and angrily snaps back "I don't need your opinion or approval on what I wear." Mary sees where this is going and quickly says, "I'm sorry James, I didn't mean you shirt was ugly, what I meant was that it's a design I've never seen before and thought it was unique. I only wanted to know where I could get one like it."

Now, see how easily we could get into a fight by assuming we understand what we thought we heard? So,don't assume. Let the speaker clafify what they said if you didn't understand.

Study Words

No, I don't mean go out and buy a dictionary to study, I meant the words your partner uses to explain or relate his/her feelings to you. You're in this relationship with him/her right?, so invest some time learning what he/she means when they say certain things. Remember, the same words can mean different things to different people so it's important that you understand what different words mean to your partner.

For example: A man might say "we're in a casual relationship" and mean I'm not committed to you but just checking my options for a stable partner; To a woman that same thing might mean, we're seeing each other and are committed but are not ready for marriage as yet.
So, this is your partner, take the time to study what he/she means by saying certain things for this will make your sharing experience much more pleasant.

Response Patterns

What the hell are you talking about???
Hold on, just keep your shirt on, I'll explain.
You see it is known that our basic coping patterns is that when certain situations arise we either fight or run; it is known as the fight or flight pattern. Well, there are some subjects that trigger these same reactions in your partner for any number of reason, so, you should be aware of these triggers.

Sometimes in sharing you might bring up topics or feelings that scare your partner and put them into a flight situation where they close-up and evade sharing or it might be something that touches a painful memory and out them into a defensive mode, you need to learn how to either carefully back off or gently probe for answers.

Anyway, learning how your partner responds to certain things while communicating with them will not only cause them to become more comfortable sharing with you, but may also open close door in your relationship.

~ Conrad ~

Quote of the Week

"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility." ~ Oprah Winfrey ~

Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 1/2/08

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter January 2nd, 2008!

Happy New Year!

I hope you spent the beginning of the new exciting Year surrounded of your loved ones! I celebrated my 1st New Year as an American Citizen ( I got my Citizenship on December 19th, 2007!)

I am greatful for my wonderful Family, Friends, Colleagues, Clients and Athletes that add many amazing moments and little miracles to my rich life.

I wanted to thank you all for making a difference in my life!

God Bless America!



"And what are you prepared to do?"

~ Sean Connery, The Untouchables~

Here it is in all its glory - 2008 - 366 days, 8784 hours, waiting for your exploration. There is no denying that the world changes dramatically over 12 months (often it changes dramatically overnight)!

When you stand in this space a year from now, what will you be saying as you reflect on 2008? We have explored ambitions, goals, challenges, dreams and resolutions. Now, at the beginning of January, let's each take a moment to answer this great movie quote:

"What are we prepared to do?"

Let the action begin! 2008 is here, let there be no delay, pursue the life you have imagined with abundance.

Your Turn:

Spend some quiet moments today reflecting on where you will be one year from now. Answer the question of what actions you are committed and willing to take in order to get to that place. Then take a first step. Do not hesitate. Run toward your dreams - they are waiting.

Your affirmation:

I am ready and prepared and greet 2008 with enthusiastic expectations!

Readers share with Readers

Today, I would like to share some of my favorite Holiday Grand-Children Pictures with you. I am a proud Grama of Nick (7), Drew (who celebrates his 4th birthday TODAY!) and Owen (9 months)

Nick (7) and Drew (Happy 4th Birthday!) Bohannan

Owen Collin Shull (9 months)


For more pictures, visit my Blogspot at:

http://nymanmygrandchildren.blogspot.com/



Life Improvement Tips

You Want to Succeed? - Get Uncomfortable.

As an Exercise Scientist and Trainer I have spent much of the last twenty-five years helping people change their body. Smaller, bigger, lighter, leaner, more muscle, more flexibility, speed, power... Athletes, non-athletes, kids, mums, dads.....whatever they were after; that's what I did my best to deliver.Early in my career I discovered that whether or not someone achieved their desired goals had very little to do with what was possible, or their genetic potential, and everything to do with their ability to deal with discomfort.They say that every decision we make in life is in an effort to avoid pain, or gain pleasure.We choose to eat the cake because we associate cake with pleasure.We choose to avoid the dentist because we associate the dentist with pain.We choose to stay in a bad relationship because we associate more pain with getting out of the relationship than staying in it.But the reality is :1) we don't need the cake2) we do need the dentist and3) we should get out of that destructive relationship.If only we would give up the cake, look after our teeth and deal with our relationship (i.e. get uncomfortable) we would discover that the short-term pain/discomfort would make way for a whole new world of possibilities and a whole new level of growth, understanding and achievement.Some personal-power muscles.Lesson 1. Change is usually uncomfortable.If you want an amazing life and you're all about creating positive change, then learn to deal with, if not embrace, discomfort.Sorry Dude.Just how it is.In the science of strength training we talk about a concept called progressive resistance training or progressive overload.In simple terms, the theory is this: If you want to get stronger and continue to grow muscle (hypertrophy) you need to continually manipulate the training variables (weight, sets, reps, recovery time, technique, program design) so as to constantly and progressively 'force' your body to adapt to the ever-changing stress (all exercise is a form of stress).When we talk about changing a body, we're talking about physiological adaptation... and a body will only adapt when it has a reason to. Most people in most gyms train their body in a manner where there is no need for adaptation... that's why they typically look the same, year in, year out.Or worse.Rather than following a program or plan which is progressive in nature (causes them to get uncomfortable on a regular basis) they follow a 'maintenance program'... because it's easy and comfortable.And they love 'comfortable.'They don't want to maintain, or intend to maintain... but that's all they're doing.They will continue on their cycle of frustration and zero results until they give their body a reason to adapt or until they throw in the towel altogether.This adaptation/growth principle of exercise science can be applied to life and to our personal growth.Lesson 2.In general, a person's ability to succeed will be largely dependant on their ability to adapt (deal with discomfort and change).Life, relationships, careers, emotions, business markets, technologies, philosophies, environments are all in a constant state of evolution. This is part of the problem; we are creatures of habit and we like familiarity; we like 'same'.Lesson 3.We like the benefits of change, but we don't like the process. But it's the process, not the results, from where the real benefits come.Whether it's physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, professional, social or financial growth your after.... be prepared to get uncomfortable on a regular basis and you will dramatically improve your chances of creating your best life.By the way, the minute you make that uncomfortable decision, or do that uncomfortable thing you've been avoiding, the change process becomes instantly easier and your chances of success go through the roof ... because you got your head and heart (thinking, attitude, standards, emotions) where they need to be.And you did what you needed to do.Just like we work against resistance in the gym and we get stronger and grow muscle, those of us who work against resistance outside of the gym (problems, challenges, opposition, criticism, self doubt, insecurity, fear) get stronger and grow a different kind of muscle; emotional muscle, psychological muscle, self-control muscle, personal development muscle and spiritual muscle... and more.Now go and get uncomfortable-and grow some muscle!



Career Tips

Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Four)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.

Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many clients get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.

The clients who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, people really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.

Know What You Don't Want

To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.
This week, let's discuss your individual work style. Ask yourself this simple question:
How does my current job not support my individual work style?

For example:

· Do I want more team projects?
· Do I want more independent work assignments?
· Do I want more time for creative thought?
· Do I want more variety or less multi-tasking?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list.
I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~

Relationship 101

25 tips for relationship success

What's the key to successful relationships? Here, I reveal the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget. You could also read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet.

12. If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilise the whole family, your partner included, to share the work.

13. If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your children.

14. Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and then work at bringing the passion back.

15. Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from a one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.

16. Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.

17. Be aware that men generally feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.

18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you. For extra help, read the book, Stop Arguing Start Talking by Susan Quilliam.

19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.

20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward. Read, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher

21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.

22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.

23. Realize that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.

24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.

25. Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.

Quote of the Week

"All of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."

~ Dale Carnegie ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 12/19/07

Newsletter 12/19/07

Today is a very special day for me! At 9:30am EST, I am taking my Citizenship Oath at the Courthouse in Richmond, VA to become a US Citizen!

I am filled with pride, happiness and gratitude! A life-long dream becomes reality!

God Bless America!



"Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."

~ Oscar Wilde ~

As many of us make our last minute Christmas preparations, tying ribbons and bows, I thought this Oscar Wilde quote a nice reminder about "real riches." While we give gifts and save gift receipts, let us remember that the best gift we can give doesn't fit in a box ... and it certainly doesn't need a gift receipt. It isn't the opening of the presents or the surprises inside that bring true and lasting joy. It's the moments around the edges, the laughter, the winks, the touch of one person to another. Both sadly and ironically, it is often easier to see what really matters -- when it isn't there to see. Ask a family that has lost someone this past year - and they know for certain what is missing, and they know for certain what matters, and they know for certain it isn't under the tree or tucked carefully in a package wrapped with gold ribbon. We have to learn to see love, and touch love, and make it just as visible as any other icon of the season. Perhaps if it was tangible, if we could see how fragile moments really are, we would be more careful not to drop them.

I always feel that when we lose something, we stand to gain something. Life is balance. In my search to gain, I did something new this year. Instead of opening doors on an advent calendar each day and anticipating a piece of chocolate inside, I opened my eyes to a magical moment each day. It was much more rewarding, and each day brought more than one moment. Of course, I had to open my eyes and choose to see them. Otherwise--I would have only seen another pound on the scale from some chocolates.

Your Turn:

What can you do today, and every day, to make love visible in your life? Imagine your love carefully contained within a fragile, heirloom glass ornament; imagine love from others in the same way. Handle love carefully, give it freely and treat it for what it is--the greatest gift we will ever have the power to give or receive.

Your affirmation:

Today, I make my love for others visible, realizing it is the only gift that truly matters.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you' to my Darling Husband James who wanted to share these tips with my Readers!

How to Make Small Talk-Naturally

Have you ever lingered in your car or lurked in the ladies' room or stared intently at the crudités platter - anything rather than (scary music here) talk to people you don't know at a party? Sparkling repartee doesn't come easily to all of us, and the fear of seeming fake or being labeled a bore makes it even harder to click into banter mode.

Or maybe you hate the thought of getting stuck with some blowhard whose conversational agenda boils down to "Hi! Are you as interesting as I am? Nah, I didn't think so." But the thing is, making chitchat lets us create connections of all kinds - it's how we open doors that change our lives. And it's a way to give and receive a little dose of human warmth. Read on for the smart (and angst-free) way to get the words flowing.

STEP 1: Make the first move.

"Initiating the conversation gets your adrenaline pumping, which helps erase your anxiety," explains Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.

. Choose a person who seems approachable; someone standing by themselves is a good bet, Fine says. Then just look her in the eye, smile, and say, "Hi, I'm Kathy. What's your name?" (That very slight emphasis on "your" will engage her.)As soon as she gives her name, repeat it: "Nice to meet you, Jill." This helps lock her name into your memory - and, just as important, it also creates a bond between you two. If you later find that you've forgotten what to call her, fess up immediately, as in, "Gosh, I'm sorry, can you remind me of your name?" It won't be nearly as tough as you think, and remember: The longer you pretend to know, the more embarrassing it gets to admit you don't.

STEP 2: Start off with what you share.

Your simplest gambit is to inquire about the person's connection to the event. "Something as easy as 'How do you know Mike and Beth?' is a great conversation starter because it's an open-ended question - it can't be answered with one word," notes Fine.Or, try an observation followed by a question: "This restaurant sure does great birthday parties. Ever been here before?" And since flattery usually does get you somewhere, you could give a compliment followed by a question: "The baby carrier you gave Marla is cool. Where'd you find it?"

STEP 3: Play detective.

Let's say you opened with, "How are you doing with all this rain?" To move from this surface chitchat to a deeper dialogue, listen for any word in the other person's reply that might suggest a conversational direction, advises Leil Lowndes, author of Goodbye to Shy. A few examples:HER: "Oh, I don't mind the rain. It's good for the plants."YOU: "Are you a gardener?"HER: "If I wanted this much rain, I'd live in Seattle!"YOU: "Have you been to Seattle?"HER: "I haven't been able to take the dog on a decent walk in a week."YOU: "I have a miniature dachshund named Beau. Tell me about your dog."

STEP 4: Open up - within limits.

Don't keep firing out questions, says Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room; people will feel like they're being interrogated. Rather, reveal some information about yourself while respecting the comfort level of a new acquaintance. "I'm fine - considering that my husband walked out on me last week" is probably a little too much information. Ditto for "No drink for me. I'm on antibiotics for a yeast infection." Health (yours or theirs), money, religion, and politics are all bad bets.On the other hand, just about anything you find curious or interesting probably will work to keep things rolling. Fine was on her way to a large dinner when she heard a radio story about a survey that asked people to choose between two superpowers: Would they rather fly or have the power to turn invisible? "I brought it up during the first awkward silence at my table," she recalls, "and just as in the study, men preferred flight, women invisibility. But the main thing was, all my tablemates started chattering like magpies."

STEP 5: Listen out loud.

Visual cues that you're listening, such as eye contact and nodding, are not enough to communicate enthusiasm. Use verbal cues ("Uh-huh, mmm-hmm," or "Oh, you're kidding! She didn't!") to let the person know you're paying attention. The more positive feedback you give, the more others will enjoy speaking to you. Put your heart into it, and you'll be amazed at how a little "small talk" can quickly lead to a big connection.
4 Ways to Ditch a Windbag

Ever hesitate to begin a conversation because you fear you'll never be able to end it? Motivational speaker Debra Fine suggests these graceful ways to get the heck out of Dodge:Give Warning

"I want to hear about your cruise, but I also want to be sure to talk to Jenna before she leaves."If the conversation shows no sign of winding down, let the person know your time is running out.Show Appreciation

"I'm so glad to have heard about your trip - you've inspired me to plan my next vacation. Nice talking to you."You'll feel less guilty about closing the conversation if you say something positive. And the chatterbox will be more gracious about letting you go if you pave the way with some flattery.Explain Your Next Move

"I need to go to the ladies' room/call my babysitter/catch Jenna."Just make sure you do what you say, warns Fine. Don't let the person see you were just making an excuse!Play Host

"Come with me - I'd like to introduce you to Jenna/hit the bar/meet the guest of honor."Whether your conversational partner agrees to join you or not, this tactic makes her feel included - even as you're giving her the slip.


For more in depth tips, dowload your FREE E-Book
here:
http://www.lulu.com/content/929137

Life Improvement Tips

Success is Like Riding a Bicycle

Okay, a show of hands, please!How many of you learned to ride a bicycle as a child?Hey, that's quite a lot of you.Now, close your eyes and remember what it felt like to ride a bicycle for the first time. Maybe yours had training wheels that helped to balance the bike as you gained confidence riding on the sidewalk in front of your house. As your confidence expanded, and also from observing the older children in the neighborhood riding without any assistance, you then graduated to your first test without training wheels. It was scary!At the beginning came the wobbling of the tires and excited, hurried pedaling as you struggled to break free of your parent's or older sibling's guiding hand for balance. And, perhaps there were one or two falls along the way! However, through your determination, willpower, desire, and continued practice, you soon sped forward on your own.As you grew in size and age, you moved up to bigger and more complex bicycles and mastered them all. Some of you even learned to ride without holding onto the handlebars or perhaps did "daredevil" tricks jumping over ramps like Evel Knievel.And, I'll bet now that even if you haven't ridden a bicycle in years, you could still do it.Now, let's take a look at success. For many people, success or being successful is just as scary as the first time they rode a bicycle. Naturally, many people want to be successful. However, there are few that truly have the motivation to put forward the needed effort and action and make the necessary sacrifices to get what they want. Here are four of my success strategies. Make them part of your "quest for success."1) Just as you did when you learned to ride a bicycle, here is only one way to accomplish anything today -- set your mind to concentrate on doing it and let nothing interfere with your progress. Obstacles, whether they be training wheels on a bike or lack of resources (money, time, lack of skill, etc.), are quickly overcome by the person who sets out to accomplish their heart's desire. Those who have the desire, "the fire in the belly" so to speak, will outdistance and outperform those who do not.2) No matter what anyone says, "Size does matter." When you first learned to ride a bike, you were a child. As you grew to adulthood, of course, you were faced with greater and more challenging situations. On your road to success, remember this quote from my Success System book, "The Power of Concentration: How to Take Control of Your Life"..."The 'bigger' you are, the smaller the obstacle appears. The 'smaller' you are, the greater the obstacle appears."Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you the needed "size" and courage for the conquest -- now and in the future. 3) Do not expect that you will always have a smooth road, free of potholes, speed bumps, and detours. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. The way you navigate the bad roads shows exactly what you are made of. Keep on with your journey and view with delight the smooth roads that are in front of you.4) Do not let a setback stop you. Just like when you skinned your knees and elbows learning to ride, think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal. Learn from it and use the lesson to move ahead.Success IS like riding a bicycle. Learn my strategies of success outlined above, and you will ALWAYS be up to the challenge -- regardless of the size.

~ K.Shaw~

Career Tips

Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Three)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.

Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many clients get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.

The clients who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.

When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, people really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. My 12-part program-"Discover Your Authentic Career Fit"-breaks the process down into simply organized and manageable action steps. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.Know What You Don't Want
To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover the people with whom you work. Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What don't I enjoy about the people at my current workplace?
· What didn't I like about the people at past places of employment?
· In what way(s) would I like the people to be different at my next place of work? For example, am I looking for a group of people who are:

o Friendlier?
o More professional and dedicated?
o More family-oriented?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list. Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want in your next job: Your individual work style.

I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~

Relationships 101

5 Strategies For Surviving The Holidays For Singles

It's now December and the holidays are currently upon us. All you see are Christmas decorations in the stores and holiday commercials of happy families celebrating mostly Christmas and New Years Eve. Because you are single and not even in a significant relationship, this can be a tough time of year for you, especially if you desire to be a part of a couple and have a family of your own. The feelings that come up range from loneliness to dread to jealousy of your friends and family who seem to have it all!

What's a single guy or gal to do? Today's dating advice for women and men includes the results of a survey I conducted with my friends and clients, where I found five different strategies that make the holiday season a happy and productive time of year. The first strategy includes:

1. Take a trip and get out of town!

My girlfriend takes a cruise in the Caribbean during Christmas week through New Years Day. There are also singles ski trips, Club Med and such. Another option is to find a buddy and go away to the destination of your choosing. Not only are you taking a vacation, but you never know who you will meet on your adventure!

2. Seek out singles events and gatherings.

There are many singles parties on New Years Eve in every major City. It's a great time to meet people because everyone is open and festive. No one wants to be alone on New Years Eve. You can also create your own party for friends.
Each year, I organize a mostly singles dinner for my friends on Christmas day. It's sometimes easier not to deal with the couple or family thing - especially if there are married couples with kids. Most of my singles friends yearn to have a family. I also know my single friends are uncomfortable with witnessing the public display of affection sometimes demonstrated by couples. So it's just easier to hang out with other singles.
As you can see, the holidays can be a great time to make the most of being single! From shopping for yourself, earning extra cash, taking a vacation, and more, the holidays can be a great time to treat yourself when others may not be able to!

3. Earn overtime pay by working!

Most people want to take off during the holidays. Who is going to hold down the fort? I have a friend who works in radio. She covers the holiday shift so others can be with their families. I also know someone who helps out in a restaurant once a year to help out a friend who is short-handed. You help others and make some extra pocket change- it's a win-win!
Strategically planning the upcoming holidays helps you feel less lonely and depressed during the holidays and makes this time of year more enjoyable for you!

4. Go out and do the stuff you love!

Another dating tips for men and women include going to the gym- it's usually open part of the day (closes early on Christmas Eve and closed Christmas Day). Also, you can go shopping and take advantage of the sales late Christmas Eve or New Years Day. Buy yourself the items you really wanted for yourself. Go see the movie that you are dying to see. Go to a museum exhibit you haven't been able to visit. You don't have to worry about anyone holding you back. Also, many Churches and Synagogues have volunteer programs on Christmas Day.

5.Stay home and catch up on paperwork!

What a great time to get your taxes in order! You can also spend your time at home searching the internet dating sites for your true love. Besides, it's just another day in the year. It will be over before you know it and you will get a jump on next year!

A word of caution to help prevent tough relationship issues: Starting in November, beware of falling into a false, convenient relationship. Here you find yourself in a precarious relationship that's somewhat comfortable (and clearly not the one) that can carry you through the cold, dark months of winter. This is the hardest time of the year to be single. It seems as though we are sometimes playing musical chairs and that by late November, whomever you were dating, you attach yourself to this person and settle into a relationship for the time being.When I was single, I unconsciously found myself in relationships by late Fall so that I would have someone to be with me during the holidays. And with my birthday in January and subsequently the dreaded Valentine's Day in February, I was then in a position to get the attention and the gifts I truly desired! Funny how by March or April the relationship broke up and I was out in the dating world again as spring blossomed.So you get to choose. How do you want to spend the holidays? Only you know what feels right for you. Perhaps you want to try something new this year. It's time to make your plans now so you are not left out in the cold!

~ Amy ~

Welcome to Helena Nyman's Newsletter

Newsletter 12/12/07

"Every action that you perform is recorded in you, the soul. These imprints ultimately mold your character and destiny. When you understand this principle, you will pay more attention to bringing your best to everything you do."

~ Dadi Janki ~

Imagine that your life were one big movie that you could replay on your VCR. Then imagine you were the editor of this movie and had to create two volumes of scenes. One volume would contain clips of your "greatest hits." The other volume would be your "outtakes or bloopers." Take a moment to think about at least five scenes that would be on each tape. After doing so, write down five lessons you learned from this exercise. When I did this myself, I learned many things including: my "greatest hits" often weren't huge endeavors or undertakings, but simple acts of kindness from one soul to another. My "bloopers" were when I lost sight of my vision and steered from my core values.

Your Turn:
Take some time to reflect on and complete this exercise throughout the day.

Your affirmation:

I am a willing student of my past, and take my lesson toward the future.


Life Improvement Tips

Self-Confidence Secrets: Measure Your Success

Would you like to be confident in the things you do? Most people would. The problem is that many people aren't sure how. They think it is some mystical trait that some people seem to have and others don't. Actually, being confident in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is a skill that can be learned.Let's say you've decided to move forward in your efforts to achieve your goals and have taken action.

Congratulations for reaching this point! Along the way you will certainly experience many victories. Yet there will also be challenges. To keep yourself going, you are going to need lots of support from one very important person: Yourself! This support comes in the form of setting achievable goals, supportive self-talk, self-monitoring to acknowledge success, and plenty of rewards along the way.

Today's theme is the crucial importance of acknowledging success. To balance the scale of triumphs and challenges, the skill needed is learning to recognize and feel good about all the little steps you take each day, and the efforts you put forth toward achieving your goal. Building on every little victory acts like fuel to your confidence. Achieving any new goal isn't easy. It takes decision, hard work, effort, and dedication. But that is what this life is about - setting new goals for ourselves and accomplishing those goals. Learning to feel good along the path to something new is what makes life a grand adventure.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
- Albert Schweitzer

WHY ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS?

For many, the journey toward reaching the overall goal is often a long road. It's frequently so full of experiences and opportunities (okay, challenges) that we often don't notice the gradual change that is occurring. We don't recognize the progress we have made. This error of self-acknowledgment can be devastating and stop us dead in our tracks.One surefire way of putting out your own fire is to dismiss your success. Let's imagine you've been binging on food for quite a few days. Through much effort and determination, you manage to stay binge-free for three days. Following these three days, you binge again. What are you most likely to do with this situation?* Do you count those three days as success?

* Do you dismiss those three days as proof that since they didn't last, you are not good enough to have what you want -- now falling into helplessness or hopelessness?
* Do you use those three days (and subsequent relapse) as an occasion to self-condemn and shame yourself?
* Do those three days count for anything wonderful in your book?


WHEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS

One day, I decided I wanted to increase the amount of water I was drinking each day. I thought this goal through and decided that the best way to achieve success would be to drink one bottle of water each morning as I was getting ready for my day. After a few weeks had gone by, I pondered my goal. I realized that almost every morning I had drunk one full bottle of water. Had I achieved success with my goal? How long must a goal be achieved before I could call myself successful?Contemplating, I became aware of my own particularly nasty habit. I set goals for myself. With enough time, my goals became habits. But I had no mental criteria established for when I could call myself successful. There was no endpoint of "How do I know I've achieved my goal?" And since there was no endpoint, there was no feeling good at the end of my goal. I was running my own life story of not being good enough for myself, and having to earn my own love but never succeeding. I sat there amazed at my own self-realization. I asked, "How long must I maintain a behavior before I can call myself successful?" The answer came immediately: "The very first time the behavior is achieved, you are successful." Wow! This about blew me away. I successfully achieved my goal the first day I followed through with my intention. No wonder I never felt enough. I was completely failing to recognize, acknowledge, or celebrate my strengths, efforts, and my achievements.Many of the people I work with also have no internal criteria established for knowing when they are successful. Oh, sure, they may say when they lose 40 pounds, then they will be successful. Or when they stop binging, then they will be happy. But what happens when they lose those 40 pounds or stop binging for several days? Success is never measured, never celebrated, never acknowledged. Eventually a few pounds creep back on or a relapse in binge behavior occurs. Wouldn't you know it? This gets acknowledged! Lots of negative self-talk, huge emotion, beastly feelings of self-reproach... now there is evidence that success cannot be achieved. Without being conscious of it, the criteria were that if the weight was maintained forever, or a binge never occurred again, then success would be achieved. The problem with this strategy? Success can't be measured until forever occurs, meaning success never occurs.

"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. Courage is what counts."
- Sir Winston Churchill


SUCCESS EXERCISE

Close your eyes and relax. Think of a success you had today. Maybe it was feeling good, or deciding to drive past the fast food restaurant, or choosing to sit still while envisioning your goal, or laughing instead of feeling heavy. Maybe you overcame an urge, and even though later you didn't overcome the urge, that first "overcoming" was a success. You cannot change the fact of it or deny that it was a success.Remember your goals. Recall your successes of the day. Remember your efforts. Get in touch with your very being. Feel your physical body. Breathe in... breathe out. Acknowledge your successes over and over again in your mind. Say to yourself, "I was truly successful. There is no denying that." Imagine the lightness of your joy is spreading all around, filling your body. It is filling your chest, spreading to your abdominal cavity reaching towards your thighs, legs, and feet. Think of a similar spread to your shoulders, arms, hand, head, neck, and face. Now your whole body is filled with radiant blissful lightness. You are calm and centered and feeling really good. Nourish your goal by looking for more successes. Bring your goal life and light through praise and intention and enthusiasm. Strengthen your goal by feeding it love. Breathe in... breathe out.


DO YOU:

1. Expect the best from yourself?
2. Understand your needs and use this information to create an environment that builds your motivation?
3. Establish standards of excellence that are attainable for yourself?
4. Create an environment where failure isn't fatal?
5. Encourage yourself or nag yourself?
6. Recognize and applaud your efforts?
7. Use a mixture of positive and negative reinforcement (acknowledge without judgment, but with honesty, your failures)?

~ Dr. Annette Colby ~


Career Tips


Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Two)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.


Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many women get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.
The women who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, women really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.

Know What You Don't Want

To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover the culture of your workplace.

Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What don't I enjoy about the culture of my current workplace?
· What didn't I like about the culture at past places of employment?
· In what way(s) would I like the culture to be different at my next job? For example, am I looking for a culture that is:
o Smaller or larger than my current organization?
o Less bureaucratic than my current company?
o Has a more innovative spirit?
o Has a more structured organization?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list.

Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want in your next job: The people with whom you work.
~Maret~


Relationships 101

"3 Important R's In Relationships That Can Help You Survive and Thrive, No Matter What!"

If there's one complaint that we hear over and over about the challenges of relationships, it's this:"How do you find the time and energy to create and keep great relationships?"This is such a great question especially since we all seem to be continually busy and stressedmuch of the time. This is especially true this time of year when there are so many holiday activities to attend, gifts to buy and preparations to make.We just seem to be on the go from morning until night-and if we don't interrupt the pattern, it can take its toll on our bodies, our spirits, our emotions and our relationships.So what's the answer?The answer comes from a surprising source. Athletes. Not just athletes-- but world class athletes who seem to always win over and over.

They have discovered that renewal drives performance.Whether they realize it or not the best of the best athletes figure out ways to take mini-rest and renewal breaks- even during matches or games--that will help them to be at their best when it really counts.Perhaps you've seen the tennis pro switching his/herracquet from hand to hand after a point in an important tennis match on TV. Until it was pointed out to us that this switching allowed the arms of his or herdominant hand and arm to relax, we didn't realize what was going on.We thought it was just "nervous tension" and we didn'trealize that this wasn't just nervous tension but actually a recovery and renewal break that would allow the pro to play at his/her optimum level throughout the match.At this point, you're probably wondering what this hasto do with your relationships.It's simple.

If you don't allow yourself to take renewal breaks throughout your day or week, no matter how busy you are, you cannot be who you truly are with those you love--let alone those you don't.

That's why the 3 R's (rest, relaxation and renewal) are so important to you, especially as you try to build and maintain great relationships. It's true that we all need some amount of stress to expand and grow but continual stress with no rest, renewal and relaxation time is harmful.When we are under continual stress, we say and do things unconsciously from habit and past experiences and do not consciously choose how we are going to be in our relationships and lives.

When you consciously make choices about your words and actions and are not muddled by stress, you are able to speak and act from a place inside you that is true.This truth creates intimacy, connection and love with the important people in your life.Here are a few tips to encourage you to take rest, recovery and renewal time, no matter what's going on in your life.


1. Breathe deeply

When we get stressed, we forget to breathe.A mini-renewal break can simply be taking a deep breath in and exhaling all of it, emptying your lungs.Write a note to yourself and put it in your car to remind you to take a deep breath as you sit in traffic or deal with the kids who are arguing in the back seat.


2. Take a 15 minute walk outside

We walk around our neighborhood and we've found that even 15 minutes can make a difference in how we feel.


3. Let it go

When something happens that is upsetting to you, don't hold onto it and mull it over. Reliving the painful memory will only keep you from living your life to its fullest and will separate you from the people aroundyou.Let it go as soon as you have said what you needed to say. If agreements need to be created around the issue, then suggest that the two of you talk about how to "do it differently" the next time.

"Worry" also falls in this category. Don't waste your energy and time "worrying" about someone or something. It only creates more stress and agitationinside you.Spend your "thought" time on what makes you happy and your heart sing.If you focus on loving yourself and others, instead of worrying about them or holding onto grudges, wethink you'll see a big difference in your relationships.Renewal, rest and recovery may seem to be the last thing that you think you have time for but we'd urge you to re-think that belief.

These 3 r's are not only absolutely necessary for the health and happiness of your physical body and mental outlook but are also essential to the health and continual growth of your relationships.


Quote of the Week

"You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer ~

Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 12/5/07

"When problems arise, don't get furious, get curious."

~ Anonymous ~

I have always been an advocate of asking questions. My friends will tell you that whenever I meet someone, I ask them so many questions they would likely think I am an attorney. As you know, I am not - but I am a knowledge-seeker. I love to learn about people, about places, about anything. I love to see how other people think, why things exist and how they got there.Today's quote stresses the importance of "questions" in our lives. I think one skill we could all benefit from is that of asking more questions. When something goes wrong, instead of getting upset, we could ask: How did this happen? Why did this happen? Did I contribute to it in any way? Is there something I could do differently? What are other ways this situation could have turned out? The questions are endless and they will be much more productive than anger.

Your Turn:
Today, try to ask 100 questions to yourself or those around you. At the end of the day, evaluate how much you have learned by having a "questioning" attitude versus an "I already know the answer" attitude.

Your affirmation:
Each day I learn something new.




Life Improvement Tips

Celebrate your Life!

My very first coach, Rachelle Disbennett-Lee has two favorite sayings, "My life is perfect and only getting better," and "Today is the best day of my life!" And she's serious about both. It's really fun to be around Rachelle because she radiates this 'best life' point of view. Whenever I try this too, I instantly feel lighter because I've shifted into a lighthearted and playful attitude.
I'm asking you to try this too. Say out loud, "This is the best day of my life!" and mean it. See how great it feels? This simple act will raise your perception to a whole new level. From this vantage point, you'll begin to notice and celebrate all of the positive things around you, putting you in an upward spiral of constructive energy versus a downward spiral of negativity. Even if nothing earth-shattering happens, you'll be in a better mood. And this mood is attractive and appealing to others. If someone overhears you and doesn't quite get it, that's okay! You'll be having a great day, so it's worth a few questioning looks. My favorite personal saying is, "All is well in my world." Whenever I connect with this truth, I really do feel as though I'm having the best day of my life and that it's only getting better.

~ Christen ~



Know What You Want To Get Ahead Step One

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.
Many women get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many women get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.
The women who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, women really just don't know what career will make them happy.
Know What You Don't Want
To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover roles and responsibilities. Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What roles and responsibilities do I not enjoy in my current position?
· What tasks and duties did I dislike in past jobs?
· What roles do I not want to get stuck with again?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list. Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want at work: The Culture.

I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~


Relationships 101


7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 4)

Continuing on the topic of Seven Ways To Succeed In The Sport of Dating, today we're discussing the final tip in our dating tips for men and women in this area that involves having a relationship coach.

7. Suppose you have a great understanding of how the game is played, and you are skilled at the game you play. However, imagine that you have decided you would like to be even better at what you do! In sports, to become better at what you play, you take lessons from a coach or trainer to fine-tune your strokes and/or learn how to play a game more successfully. In dating, a relationship coach can help you improve your approach and strategies in order to be more effective and ultimately, more successful. The coach is standing on the sidelines with you and cheering you on!

By applying the same tried and true formula for success for sports to dating, you will see how easy it is to improve your skills on the dating game field.
Go out there and win at the game of dating!

~Amy~

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter 11/28/07

"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you!"

~ Anonymous ~


I love this quote. How often do you spend time comparing yourself to others? Perhaps measuring your success, health, will power, determination, wealth, beauty? Let me ask you this - what good can that possibly do? We cannot know the exact circumstances of another. We cannot understand their shoes for we have not walked in them. And at the end of the day, "No one in the entire word can do a better job of being you than you."


Your Turn:

As you find yourself comparing yourself to others, re-read this quote. The world would certainly be boring if we were all clones of one another. Do not relish in other's success or envy their efforts. Instead, relish in who you are and your unique offerings to our world.

Your Affirmation:

I do not compare myself to others. There is a beauty and uniqueness that only I can offer the world.

Life Improvement Tips
Clarity about Clutter

I'm an organized person -- just ask anyone who knows me. In spite of my talents at organization, clutter loomed its ugly head during our recent move. You see, I'm committed to making the most from what I have, and I can find a use for practically anything. As a result, I turned our home and my studio and office into an attractive, well-organized landfill. I'm over it.

After vigorously pruning before the move only to find that I had an additional ten boxes of books and magazines (Are you beginning to get the picture?), six more giant sacks of clothes, and six boxes of unclassifiable junk to get rid of, I saw the light. Never again am I going to collect more than I can keep attractively and accessibly in the space I already have. No more will I hold onto odd screws, outdated clothes, and books just because they could conceivably be useful to someone, somewhere, someday. If you, too, have been slowly suffocating under growing piles of indispensable clutter, it's time to take the clutter challenge.

Evaluate how true each of these statements is for you on a scale of 1 to 5. Be honest. Then choose one area in which you fall short and resolve to de-clutter there, this week, without fail.

1. Each season I discard or donate the clothing that I did not wear, whether or not it still fits and regardless of whether or not I made it myself.

2. I buy quality books in hardcover and donate them to the library when I finish them, except only books that I use in the day-to-day operation of my business or that I resort to on an ongoing basis for inspiration and delight. (Note: the test is not whether I might use them, but whether or not I DO use them.)

3. I give away, recycle, or toss anything I have not used for a year. (If I do find I want something like it in the future, I will happily borrow, rent, or buy it, knowing that in the meantime I have not had to pay to store it, clean it, or look for it.)

4. I return -- immediately -- any purchase that does not fit or function.

5. I repair anything within a week of when it breaks or stops working or I discard/donate it.

6. At the end of each year, I discard files that are more than seven years old.

7. I discard, donate, or recycle any souvenir or memento that is not framed and displayed within thirty days of acquisition.

Action tip: Get a clutter buddy and make a commitment to each other that you will put these principles to work. Make a date to go to the recycling center, the dump, and Goodwill together. Help each other say "no" to the clutter in your lives. Phone each other for support and intervention whenever you are tempted to rent a storage unit, buy new shelving or drawers, or build a shed.

Bonus tip: Lose the catalogs. Recycle them immediately and write the Mail Preference Service of the Direct Marketing Association to stop future mailings. You'll prevent clutter from both the catalogs and the umpteen goodies that you don't buy because you'll never know you need them.

~ Molly Gordon ~

Career Tips

Career Values: Part 5

Identify Your Strengths and Talents - Know Your Strengths and Talents

If you haven't done so already, take a moment to complete the exercise I laid out in last week's Newsletter.

Once you have completed this exercise, review your notes and identify the top skills that have emerged. Make a list of all the professional competencies you have identified. Even if they seem unimpressive to you - write them down anyway. This is all vital information to discovering what you are naturally good at.

After you've completed your list, organize it into categories. You'll find that certain skills go together and can be combined under similar headings. Arrange your skills list into these groupings and then distill them into your top five professional competencies. Narrowing it down to your top five is very important because this will tell you the type of work you enjoy the most.
Schedule time in your calendar to complete this exercise in the next seven days. If you haven't finished the previous three exercises I've outlined this month, take the time to do them this week as well.

Working in your career "sweet spot" is about having a profession in which you can truly be yourself. Life is way too short to work in a job that is not a good fit for who you are. As you know, when you're miserable in your career, it darkens your entire world.
However, when you have a position that fits with your life values, work values, passions and skills - you have the makings of a phenomenal career! I wish you much continued professional success as you move towards discovering and working in your career "sweet spot!"

~Maret~



Relationships 101

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 3)

As we continue to learn the Seven Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating, today you'll find out about strengths and weaknesses as well as endurance.

5. In sports, one needs to access your opponent's strengths and weaknesses. In a game, you play to your opponents weaknesses. In dating, you focus on the opposite - your date' strengths. You look at how you can work as a team instead of opponents. Here, you look to work from each other's strengths, and minimize weaknesses.

6. In sports, to improve your performance, it takes practice. You need to get out and hit the ball again and again in order to anticipate and formulate strategies. In dating, the more you go out and meet different people, the easier it gets. When you get out there regularly, you are able to choose more quickly and confidently who is right for you and who is not. This will minimize your relationship issues in the long run.

Focusing on these two tips can help resolve many relationship questions you may be asking yourself right now.

Join us next week, when I'll share the last dating tip for men and women to help you succeed in the sport of dating.

~Amy~