Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter

Motivational Newsletter 5/13/09

2009-05-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

The Go-Giver Experience: Frank McKinney

Another wonderful man I met during my trip to Orlando, Florida was Frank McKinney, also know as the Maverick Daredevil Real Estate "Artist".

He's the creative force behind some of the world's finest and most magnificent mansions ever built. (One of his latest creations is "Acqua Liana" http://www.frank-mckinney.com/acqua_liana.aspx the largest and most expensive certified “green” mansion in the world at $29 million and over 15,000 square feet!)

But in my eyes, Frank McKinney is much more that a Real Estate Artist. He is often called ‘Robin Hood’ by people who know about his mission in his “other life”.

On the one side, he creates multi-million dollar mansions, on the other side, he builds homes and schools for the poorest of the poor. His Foundation is called ‘The Caring House Project Foundation’ and has the following Mission:

"The Caring House Project Foundation shall create projects based upon self-sufficiency by providing housing, food, water, medical support and opportunity for the desperately poor and homeless from around the world, particularly in the Caribbean, South America, Indonesia, Africa and here in the USA."

For more information on the Caring House Project, visit: http://www.frank-mckinney.com/caring_project.aspx

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Have you found your Life Purpose?

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In one of his latest books ‘The Tap’, Bestseller Author Frank McKinney tells us about how to discover a profound spiritual practice leading to SUCCESS in the business we are all in – The Business of Life!

Have you been “tapped”? Or are you still looking for your purpose? I warmly suggest, that you read Frank McKinney’s book ‘The Tap’. It will help you understand and find out, that sometimes, we have to listen and pay attention to little signs around us.

To purchase this book, visit: http://www.frank-mckinney.com/books.asp (Revenue of the sale goes to the 'Caring House Foundation!)

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More about Frank McKinney:

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The Frank McKinney brand has captivated the media and public for over two decades.His vision and risk-taking has been the subject of numerous international television, radio and print features. Mr. McKinney was recently featured on ABC's 20/20 with Martin Bashir, the cover of USA Today, the Oprah Winfrey Show, CBS' The Early Show, CNN, Discovery Channel, Travel Channel, HDNet, CBN TV, National Public Radio (NPR), in The Wall Street Journal, NY Times, Bloomberg, Fortune, Barrons, Town and Country, Robb Report, The Nightly Business Report (PBS) and in over 1500 additional TV and print stories. Visit http://www.frank-mckinney.com/news_archive.asp or http://www.frank-mckinney.com/press_archive.asp for clips or copies of video and print news, or just click on "Frank's Greatest Hits" to view a compilation video.

2009-04-29T04:54:00.000-07:00

Motivational Newsletter 3/25/09

2009-03-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

"The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed - it is a process of elimination!"

~ Elbert Hubbard ~

Think about the journey you have taken on self-improvement. How many times have you succumbed to "adding" a new system, new tool, new approach, new mission statement, new goal? Consumer-culture has taught us to look externally instead of internally and that the next "tool" could be the "magic cure" for all of our woes.Yet, when we look externally time and time again, all we do is add to the confusion of trying to decode our path. We have to wade through all the tools and systems. Today's quote reminds me that often our answers are internal. Instead of adding on, we should focus our energies on looking within, chipping away the pieces that don't work until we find our "core".

Your turn:

We are all the sculptors of our own lives. What type of sculpture are you creating?

Your affirmation:

"Daily I look within, reflecting and honing my purpose!"

***

Life Improvement Tips

How to discover & understand Yourself

It often happens that I commit to achieving something I feel I can excel at, only to discover that I fail to do so. This really frustrates and de-motivates me - leading to a low self-esteem - and I stop believing in myself. Does this sound familiar?

Well, one day I realized that there was actually nothing wrong with my persona. I was attempting to achieve the unachievable. I thought I was a lion which I was not, in reality. I lacked a realistic understanding of myself and my capabilities which led me to feel very depressed.

What did I learn?

Discovering and understanding yourself leads you to accept yourself the way you are, and in turn makes you a very happy person. You can't direct the wind, but you can definitely adjust your sails.

Life will take its own course, and you cannot control it, but if you understand yourself, you can and will enjoy life to the fullest.

Here's how to understand yourself -

Step 1:

The first step toward understanding yourself is to accept that you exist. Each one of us is unique and worthwhile, in our own special ways. We matter to our close friends and family, and we have a say in everything we do. Begin with learning the need to understand yourself. You are very important both for yourself and to others. You have to make your life worthwhile for yourself as well as for others.

Step 2:

Now you need to delve into your persona to understand the real YOU, without any pretensions. Analyze the way you feel about yourself. You can start with answering a few questions like:
What do you want from your life?

Do others perceive you the way you want them to?

How much are you capable of achieving?

Are you living your life or are you just going through it?

What makes you really happy?

Have you ever felt joyful or has life's harshness caused you to lose the innocent little child within?

In trying to understand yourself, appreciate your strengths and recognize your weaknesses. Rather than denying or shying away from your flaws, you can help yourself greatly by accepting them and working on them if possible. Build an honest and complete picture of yourself.

Step 3:

Once you understand yourself, you can always work to better yourself, but it should be by choice and not as a compulsion. Remember, there is no reason for you to be any different from who you are now. Understanding yourself means being comfortable with who you are and realizing your strengths and weaknesses. This will help you live better and believe that you are both loveable and capable.

Life is filled with wonders!

You need to understand yourself before you can discover life's wonders. Always remember that "life is like a box of chocolates" (thank you Forrest Gump). We will never know why things happen the way they do, or what will happen next. You are what you are. Your understanding of yourself will only help you to love yourself deeper.

Thank you Jeff Cohen!

Please share stories of exeptional people (maybe even your own success story) with my Readers! I would love to publish them on my Blog!

http://nymannewsletter.blogspot.com/

A special 'Thank you' to MRH for commenting on last week's Blog!

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***

Quote of the Week

"When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen!"

~Arland Gilbert~

Motivational Newsletter 3/18/09

2009-03-24T05:59:00.000-07:00

"You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand!"

~ Irene C. Kassorla ~

Several years ago, I finally came to the slow realization that the only person I could control was myself. There were many people I wanted to help or influence, but ultimately, I can only put my "best" out there. Each person can then take it or leave it. I am not responsible for others' decisions or actions.

While relinquishing control is difficult, it is also extremely freeing. It's as if a weight lifts off of your shoulders when you truly internalize the fact that you are only accountable for you. The less time you spend trying to control external circumstances, the more time you can spend "giving yourself to the moment."

Your turn:

In what ways are you trying to exert control in your life? How would it feel to relinquish that control?

Your affirmation:

"I am not responsible for the thoughts and actions of others!"

Life Improvement Tips

Self-Improvement Begins With Self-Acceptance

When you are overwhelmed with doubts, fears, and insecurities, you sometimes exclaim, "I wish I were somebody else!" More often than not, you think and believe that most people are better than you are. In reality, the same people are more scared than you are!

You spot a totally hot girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping a colorful mixed drink. You say to yourself, "She looks so perfectly calm and confident."

If only you could read her mind, you might just be amazed with what she is thinking, "Are people talking about why I am seated here alone? Why don't guys find me attractive? - I don't like my ankles, they look too skinny - I wish I were as smart as my best friend."

You see a young business entrepreneur and say, "Whoa - what else could he ask for?"

The business entrepreneur stares at himself in the mirror and murmurs to himself, "I hate my big eyes - I wonder why my friends won't talk to me - I hope mom and dad can still work things out."

Isn't it funny? You look at other people, envy them for looking outrageously perfect, and wish you could trade places with them. On the other hand, they look at you and think of the same things!

You are insecure of other people who, in turn, are insecure of you. You suffer from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. Consequently, you lose hope in improving yourself because you are enveloped in quiet desperation.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. In most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she is saying. Because of this, all our other friends tend to avoid her whenever she is around. The sad part is that my friend does not notice this!

Learn to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. This is part of the self-improvement process. Find an honest and trusted friend whom you can comfortably ask delicate questions, such as: "Do you think I am ill-mannered?" "Do I always sound so argumentative?" "Do I talk too loud?" "Do I ever bore you when were together?" and others.

Listen for comments and criticisms and do not justify by saying, "Don't exaggerate! That's just the way I am!" Open your mind and heart and learn to receive these comments. In return, you may want to help your friend by offering constructive criticisms that will also help him/her improve.

One of Whitney Houston's songs says, "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first for you cannot give what you do not have.

In order to convince people to improve themselves, show them first some results, such as what you have achieved because of self-improvement. Self-improvement makes you a better person and when people see this, it inspires them to follow the same path.
People have insecurities. Nobody is perfect. People always wish they had better things, features, body parts, etc. Life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.
However, self-improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and the best. It starts with accepting and loving yourself. When you begin to improve yourself, then you begin to feel content and happy.

Stop thinking of yourself as a second-rate being. Quit thinking "If only - " thoughts. Accept your true self. This is the first step to self-improvement. Stop comparing yourself to others!

Aspire to become your best self.

Please share stories of exeptional people (maybe even your own success story) with my Readers! I would love to publish them on my Blog!

http://nymannewsletter.blogspot.com/

Motivational Newsletter 3/4/2009

2009-03-04T03:56:00.000-08:00

"Life's up and downs provide windows of opportunity to determine - [your] values and goals - Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want!"

~ Marsha Sinetar ~

If you take a moment and really think about this statement, it provides a fresh perspective. What one person perceives as a challenge or "down" might be perceived as an opportunity or "up" by another person. That doesn't make one person right or the other person wrong, but it demonstrates that we are each unique individuals with unique values and goals. What makes me happy may be quite different from what makes you happy. Each "up and down" provides us "the window to determine our values and goals" and discover what we desire in our life.

One approach I have found very helpful in building the ideal life (and self-discovery in general) is the process of elimination. It isn't always easy to uncover what would make us happy. We might think we know, but often we get to that place and discover what we thought we needed, isn't really the "key" to our happiness. Sometimes it is easier to observe what doesn't make us happy. By keeping a list of what answers "don't work" for us, we become like an inventor for our life. Each combination that doesn't work, lead us closer to finding the combination that will

Your turn:

Instead of allowing your moods and energy to flow with "ups and downs," take a step back and observe each up and down as an opportunity to learn more about inventing the life you desire.

Your affirmation:

"Each day is filled with opportunities to expand, refine and improve my life direction!"

***

Life Improvement Tips

Do you live the Life you LOVE?

I would like to share this particular article with all the ones that have dreams but "didn't get around" to realize them.

If not now - when then?

We always think "later". What if that "later" never comes?

I remember my visions and dreams when I was a little girl. I wanted to become that figure skating coach in the 'kiss and cry corner' on TV. Having talented skaters participating at Worlds and Olympics, and work with Pro Hockey Players. Everybody around me had pitty with me for having "these kind" of dreams that would be always be what they were at that time - just simple dreams.

A few years later, I was interviewed because one of my skaters made it to the Worlds and Olympics, and for many years after that, I worked with World Athletes and Pro Hockey Players.

Suddenly, the possibilities were open to me, and I started to "toy around" with the thought that I would like to work at the Training Center in Canada where Elvis Stojko and all the other famous skaters from all over the World were practicing.

Guess where I ended up? Yes, exactly where I wanted to be.

After almost two decades traveling and having the most amazing experiences, I planed to settle and dedicate more time to inspire people.

My ultimate dream was to move to the USA, which, at that moment, seemed to be impossible. Coming from a neutral Country like Switzerland, they don't easily give you a permit.

Well, last thing I checked today on my mail was that my address is located in Virginia - the USA - since almost 10 years!

Did I make this way simply by having dreams? Dreams were the beginning. But it did take me some initiatives, courage and actions to get where I am today.

I'm a living proof! You can achieve whatever you want if you have a vision and you take step-by-step (even if they are little!) to bring you closer to where you want to be.

I encourage you: Don't be one of these who has regrets and thinks "what if" or "if only" - be a doer - take action - fulfill your dreams and create the life you LOVE!

If I did it - you can do it, too!!!

Please share stories of exeptional people (maybe even your own success story) with my Readers! I would love to publish them on my Blog!

***

Quote of the Week

"I believe life is a series of near misses. A lot of what we
ascribe to luck is not luck at all. It's seizing the day and
accepting responsibility for your future. It's seeing what
other people don't see And pursuing that vision!"

~ Howard Schultz: CEO of Starbucks ~

Motivational Newsletter 2/25/09

2009-02-24T08:47:00.000-08:00

"Pay attention to what's good about your life. Rather than worrying about what you don't have, Seek to make the best of all the good things you do have. There are a lot of things right with your life. Give your attention to them and they will grow!"

~ Ralph S. Marston, Jr.~

It helps us to remember that we have so many blessings and things right with our lives - and by focusing on those things, paying attention to them, helps keep our few minor and some huge disappointments or struggles in proper proportion. It helps us keep perspective. When we focus on "the good," when we actively maintain our gratitude journals, when we greet the day with expectation, we attract and nourish the good in our lives. Likewise, when we focus on the bad, when we maintain lists filled with stressors and greet each day with trepidation, we nourish the negative in our lives.

You are the gardener of your life. What crop will you choose to nourish?

Your turn:

Print a copy of this quote and post it where your family will see it often. Create a gratitude journal as a family, encouraging each member to list a few things they are grateful for each day (or make this part of the dinner routine).

Your affirmation:

"I nourish the positive in my life, with both thought and action!"

***

Life Improvement Tips

Creating a Gratitude Journal

2.25.09 Today I am grateful for ___________________ .

As I write the above line, I wonder, "What is my answer?" My first thought is, "I am grateful for today." Then I realize there are so many people, places and things for which I am grateful.
Everyday the list grows. Everyday there are things that happen to us, and for us, that make us grateful. Sometimes, we even find, that after the passage of time, we become grateful. Take time today, tomorrow, and the next day to think about for what or whom you are grateful. Then write it down in your journal.

Or maybe send a letter or a card, with dates and experiences to that person.
You can start keeping a journal where you date and write in daily, weekly, or monthly about what you are grateful for, why and the circumstances that created the gratitude.

This becomes a story and record of your feelings and warm experiences of what you have given, and also what you have received. You can also create individual gratitude journals for your spouse, your children, parents, a friend, etc., that you journal in for a period of time.

You can write about them sharing what you are grateful for about them. Get a new journal to use for this purpose only. Pick a colored pen or several colors. You can express your feelings with certain colors, green for a growth memory, blue for peaceful times, you decide what each color means and note that in the front of the journal.

Date each entry and describe events, memories, or thoughts that you have about that person.

Describe what they have given you, what you have observed, what you wish for them. Tell them about how grateful you are for them in your life, and why. This becomes a treasured keepsake and a priceless gift. Telling someone you are grateful for them in your life, for what they have done, for who they are is a very powerful expression of caring and love.

Telling a stranger who has given you something, directions, good service, a smile, that you are grateful for what they have done and given you is another form of connection.

Spread the idea of gratitude. You may see something on TV or read about someone. Send them an email or letter of appreciation for who they are, what they stand for, or for what they have done.

Today I am grateful for ___________________ fill-in this blank with what your are grateful for.

For Example - My self, my children, family, work, future, my recovery, etc. As I was thinking about what I am grateful for, I of course thought of my some of my clients. So, I decided to email and ask what they were grateful for. I asked them if I could also share their responses with you, and here they are:

"Today I am grateful that I get to spend time with my children."

"Today I am thankful for a generous heart that loves to spill over to others - and is constantly replenished by my beautiful family."

"Today I am Grateful for the joy of friends. Today I am grateful for the light in the eyes of my friends. Today I am grateful for the roses in my garden. I am so very grateful I met you."

"Today I am grateful that I can continually forgive myself. I can forgive myself for judging myself harshly when things don't turn out just the way I was attached to them turning out. I can forgive myself when I am disappointed that I didn't speak up and say exactly how I felt about a situation. I can forgive myself because when I did speak up, it didn't come out of my mouth the way my mind thought it would. All in all, I am very grateful that I am me. I wouldn't want to be anyone else in the whole world - and that's gratitude!"

"Today I am grateful for a wife, 4 children and a daughter-in-law who are all working hard to find out what it is their Savior would have them do in life and then do it."

"Today I am grateful for another experience of realizing that I am, indeed, safe and provided for."

"I am grateful for days, like today, when my gratitude gallops gleefully ahead of me and I have to skip to keep up with it, instead of haul it behind me like a wagon load of manure, hoping it will carry its own weight - by tomorrow."

"I am very grateful for the healing work that I do. I work long, hard hours, but I really enjoy helping people feel better. How many people can say that they love their work or feel that they are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing?"

"Today, I am grateful for a Loving God who nurtures me. I am grateful for my 89 year old Mother who has cared for me and is still vibrant, helpful, and alive. I am grateful for my Granddaughter Hayley who holds my hand, trusts me, and I know loves me somewhere in her very special heart. I am grateful for good health which sustains me. I am grateful for my friends and acquaintances who care about me and bring so much joy into my life. And, finally, I am grateful for libraries, and the Internet, and transportation which constantly open new vistas in my horizon and let me appreciate this vast world and its infinite knowledge and power available to all those who are curious enough and ambitious enough to embrace them."

"Today I am grateful for gentle friends, and a loving Heavenly Father."

"Today I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life who challenge me to think differently."

"The scent of freshly cut grass coming through my open windows."

"Today I am grateful for opening my eyes to see my husband on my side and my pug at my feet. I am grateful to look out my bedroom windows to see another day full of possibility as the sun slowly warms up my sweet backyard alive with quail, doves, hummingbirds, rabbits and all kinds of natures noises. I am grateful to feel my breath as it wanders through my body waking me up. I am grateful that I have one more day to enjoy, and be amazed, and be involved with life. And I am very grateful that I can go through another day full of awe and gratitude."

"Today, I am grateful for my life, health, and for my mother still being alive."

"I'm grateful for the support of many, many wonderful friends in the community."

What are you grateful for?

If you would like to share your phrases of gratitude, simply send an e-mail to nyman@consultant.com. Your phrases will be posted on the Newsletter Blog at:
http://nymannewsletter.blogspot.com/

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Quote of the Week

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.!"

~ Albert Schweitzer ~

Motivational Newsletter 2/18/09

2009-02-24T08:17:00.000-08:00

"When we can't access our inner resources, we come to the flawed conclusion that happiness and fulfillment come only from external events!"

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach ~

I don't know about you, but I have made this mistake before. I have spent time continually looking for happiness in the external. The problem with that search is that our happiness becomes co-dependent. Instead of having a well to draw on from within, we require external events to "lift us up." Not only is that unfair to the events or people we are relying upon, it is unfair to ourselves because the happiness we create is conditional!

We all deserve unconditional joy and happiness within our own heart. We deserve to have that sense of peace internally, regardless of what is happening around us. The intensity of that happiness might fluctuate with what our external world offers, but it is there nonetheless.

Sarah is very accurate in her assessment. When we can't (or choose not to) access our inner resources, is when we look to the external to "fill us up." Since we can't figure out how to create the reality we need, we turn to others and ask or expect them to do it for us.

To break out of that mold, we have to access our inner resources. We have to learn the skills to turn our questions inward instead of outward. We have to accept responsibility that happiness begins right where we are, not outside of where we are.

How do we do this? There are many things in life we can't or don't control, but we do control our attitude and our perceptions. After we accept that fact, we create a space in our life to access those inner resources. We create quiet time, reflection time. We engage in activities that promote self-awareness, self-discovery, and self-reflection. We feed our souls with positive affirmations and positive people. We turn away and don't accept the negative into our thoughts and perceptions.

We embrace that which nurtures us, we reject the rest.

Your turn:

Get out your calendar and schedule in a space for self-reflection and self-discovery. Choose to look inward versus outward in order to begin discovering lasting joy in your daily life!

Your affirmation:

"Within me is everything I need to experience lasting joy!"

***

Life Improvement Tips

There is a Hero inside YOU!

Last night, before wrapping up my evening, I watched the last few singers of 'American Idol', and I was very touched by the story of one of the favorites - Danny Gokey.

Just one month before he audiotionned for the 'American Idol', he lost his beautiful wife Sophia Linnette.

Did he give up? No, in contrary, this tragedy made him so strong that he formed a Non-Profit Organization in the name of his wife ('Sophia's Heart') and presented himself at the audition for 'American Idol' where he currently seems to be one of the favorites.

I was so touched by his song 'Hero' (Mariah Carey) and the message Danny addressed at the end of his song.

He encouraged everyone to look inside and to discover their own hero - no matter what tragedy life lays in front of you!

***

'Hero' by Mariah Carey

There's a hero If you look inside your heart.

You don't have to be afraid Of what you are.

There's an answer If you reach into your soul,

And the sorrow that you know Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on,

And you cast your fears aside,

And you know you can survive.

So when you feel like hope is gone:

Look inside you and be strong, And you'll finally see the truth,

That a hero lies in you.

It's a long road When you face the world alone.

No one reaches out a hand For you to hold.

You can find love If you search within yourself,

And the emptiness you felt Will disappear.

And then a hero comes along, With the strength to carry on,

And you cast your fears aside,

And you know you can survive.

So when you feel like hope is gone,

Look inside you and be strong,

And you'll finally see the truth: That a hero lies in you!

Lord knows Dreams are hard to follow.

But don't let anyone Tear them away.

Hold on! There will be tomorrow.

In time, You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along,

With the strength to carry on,

And you cast your fears aside,

And you know you can survive!

So when you feel like hope is gone,

Look inside you and be strong,

And you'll finally see the truth: That a hero lies in you!

***

Sometimes, we don't give us credit enough for the strength that really lies within you. Trust yourself more! Look always ahead of you and concentrate on what you want - don't dwell on the problem!

And as Mariah and Danny say:

There's a Hero inside YOU!

***

Quote of the Week

"My future starts when I wake up every morning... Every day I find something creative to do with my life!"

~ Miles Davis ~

Motivational Newsletter 2/11/09

2009-02-10T16:36:00.000-08:00

"Courage is only an accumulation of small steps!"
~ George Konrad~

I thought this quote is a great reminder of what courage is and how we develop it. Many of us would like to feel more confident about our approach and about the steps that we take. Many of us would like to feel that when faced with adversity, we act in courageous ways. Many of us would like to feel that we have a strong "center" within that guides are actions. Konrad's quote offers the simple formula for developing courage. Courage is within reach for all of us.

We build courage not by taking risks, but by taking steps. As we take small steps forward in our lives, we build confidence. We master the art of taking the small step. Then we can take a little bigger step, and then a little bigger step. Courage is the art of moving forward instead of standing still in indecision.

Your turn:

What were you avoiding lately? I encourage you this week to take one situation in your life and take it to the next level by making a clear decision and following through with courage!

Your affirmation:

"I am courageous. Each day I challenge myself to be my personal best!"

***

Life Improvement Tips

Life Changes Equals Increased Self Confidence

The path to self-confidence can be complicated and involved. While it may be possible to become more confident with a few small changes in how you think, in many cases, you're going to have to delve a little deeper and make larger changes in your life to achieve greater confidence.

One vital step to improving your self-confidence is to remove all the negative influences and naysayers from your life.

You will never gain a better view of yourself and your positive attributes if someone is constantly putting you down, making fun of you, making you do things you aren't proud of, or being abusive. If someone is actually abusive, remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.

Get professional help if necessary. If someone is simply being unkind and uncaring, talking about it may help. Sit down with the other person and have an honest discussion with her about how you feel. Tell the other person how much it hurts you to hear her make derogatory comments about you. She may try to laugh it all off as a joke, but persist in saying that you are being serious about the issue. It may be difficult to let someone go if they have been your friend for years, or even worse, if you're married to them. In the end, though, your self-confidence is worth more than a broken relationship, isn't it?
Once you've removed others' negativity from your life, it's time to sit down and have a good look at your own negative thoughts.

Are you your own worst enemy?

Do you constantly tell yourself that you're not good enough, smart enough or pretty enough to accomplish your goals?

Do you compare yourself to impossible standards, like millionaires and movie stars?

Do you put yourself down for making even the simplest mistakes?

Do you let nagging doubts keep you from doing something you really want to do?

Remove these defeatist thoughts from your mind for an instant confidence boost.
If your job is weighing down your self-confidence, then it may be time for a career change. If your problem is with your boss or the overall corporate climate, then you may just need to change jobs. If you dread coming to work because you hate the more fundamental aspects of your position like the job duties, it may be time to look into entering a completely different field.
If you feel like you can't leave your job because you don't have the necessary skills to find a new position, seriously consider the possibility of going back to school. Whether you need to earn a G.E.D. or an MBA, enrolling in classes will give you the skills you need to go farther in your career while also building your confidence.

Do you live within your means?

How much credit card debt you have may seem irrelevant to the issue of your self-confidence, but it's hard to feel confident when you're living paycheck to paycheck. Make a budget, see a credit counselor, take on a part-time job or whatever else you might need to do to escape from the looming shadow of money problems.

If your weight is making you feel less confident than you'd like, exercising is an obvious choice for change, along with introducing a sensible diet. Losing weight won't instantly lead to confidence if you're not otherwise happy about yourself, though, so make sure it's only one facet of your plan for change.

Exercising can build confidence through setting and achieving goals. Whether you want to lose a certain number of pounds, run a 10K race, or just make it up the stairs without feeling winded, when you reach that goal, you'll feel good about yourself. Extended exercising releases endorphins, biological chemicals that are known for producing the "runner's high." They simply make you feel good.

There are many roads to increased self-confidence, but all of them start with committing to some positive changes in your life.

Take an honest look at your life and take the first steps today!

***

Quote of the Week

"My future starts when I wake up every morning... Every day I find something creative to do with my life!"

~ Miles Davis ~

Motivational Newsletter 2/4/09

2009-02-09T08:22:00.000-08:00

Thank you for visiting my 'Motivational Newsletter' Blog! Due to the high request, I put my Weekly Motivational Newsletter back on the Blog - just in case you missed one of my e-mails...

"Do or do not. There is no 'try'!"
~ Yoda ~

Let us spring into action, taking practical steps forward toward the personal goals we have set for ourselves this year. As I have been working in the goal group and with other challengers over the past couple of weeks, I have noticed how engrained the concept of "trying" is -- but how we don't speak in the affirmative with the same confidence. The truth is - most of us our great at setting goals - experts in fact. We've done it a thousand times. What we aren't so great at is reaching them. In order to influence reaching our goals, we have to follow Yoda's wisdom: we have to build a plan and DO!

Your turn:

What practical steps will you take to reach your goals this year? Break it down into a weekly plan. Make the steps realistic, measurable and manageable. You can reach your goals in 2009 - but you must "DO."

Your affirmation:

"I do what it takes to reach my goals!"

***

Life Improvement Tips

Start Living in Prime Time

Prime time is that period between 6 and 10 p.m. during which most of the general public watches television. Commercials in prime time are the most expensive, approaching over a million dollars per minute.

Your real success in life will take a quantum leap when you stop watching other people making money in their professions performing in prime time, and start living your own dreams and goals in prime time. Time is the ultimate equal opportunity employer. Time never stops to rest, never hesitates, never looks forward or backward.

Life's raw material spends itself in the now, this moment, which is why how you spend your time is far more important than all the material possessions you may own or positions you may obtain.

Positions change, possessions come and go, you can earn more money. You can renew your supply of many things, but like good health, that other most precious resource, time spent is gone forever.

Each yesterday, and all of them together, are beyond your control. Literally all the money in the world can't undo or redo a single act you performed. You cannot erase a single word you said. You can't add an "I love you," "I'm sorry", or "I forgive you", not even a "thank you" you forgot to say. Each human being in every hemisphere and time zone has precisely 168 hours a week to spend. And some of the most precious hours occur in prime time.

Consider this: most of your daytime hours are spent helping other people solve their problems. The little time you have in the evenings and on weekends is all you have to spend on yourself, on your own dreams and goals, and personal development.

Some thoughts to ponder:

· Have supper with your loved ones at least two to three times per week. It's the best time for casual conversation to listen to what those close to you feel is important in their lives. Mealtime is a time to dialogue.

· A television set is an appliance. It should be used, at most, for two hours at a time. It should be off, unless specific programs of interest are selected. It should not be used as a one-eyed baby sitter. For the most part, TV exposes us to negative role models.
· Instead of watching television why not read a good fiction or non-fiction book, write a letter, engage in a hobby or craft, call a friend or someone in need of encouragement on the phone, network on your computer, go out to an ethnic restaurant, a home show, an entrepreneurial show, a musical recital, a play, a fitness class, or cultural event. Take an art or photography class. Use prime time to live the kind of life others put on layaway.

Action Idea: If you and your family/friends watch TV, try not turning it on for one week. When you do watch TV, reduce by 50% the amount of time you spend watching it. Concentrate your evenings and free time engaged in hands on, real life experiences, you can touch, feel, smell and engage all your senses in. Instead of virtual reality, insist on the real thing.

~ Denis Waitley ~

***

Career Tips 101

Please send in Questions, Suggestions and Tips to nyman@consultant.com!
Confidentiality guaranteed!

Relationships 101

Please send your questions to Helena at: nyman@consultant.com

***

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Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 3/26/08

2008-04-01T14:59:00.000-07:00

"You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face, and show the world all the love in your heart, Then people gonna treat you better, You're gonna find, yes you will, That you're beautiful as you feel!"

~Carole King~

How right Carole is! When we wake up, determined to show the world the love in our heart, we feel better. We also attract more positive things to us.

Your turn:

On the top of your to-do list for today, make a small heart. Whenever you see this heart, let it remind you to do as Carole suggests and "show the world all the love in your heart."

Your affirmation:

Today, I will show the world all the love in my heart.

***
Life Improvement Tips

Beyond Resolutions:
8 Transformation Truths for 2008

By this time, most people have already forgotten or backtracked on their New Year's resolutions. Why? Because most people set dreamy goals without first assessing their current reality and deciding exactly what they need to change in their life in order to get where they want to go. There's a law in life that says, "No Clarity, No Change." It means that if you're not completely clear about where you are today, there's no way you'll ever change to get where you want to go.With that in mind, and with the dawn of the New Year now past us, I wanted to share with you what I call the "8 Transformation Truths." I often use these with my coaching clients, and I believe these Truths will help you set goals and take stock of your life. I call these statements "transformation truths" because, if internalized and acted upon, they can dramatically change your life. These transformation truths formed the psychological journey I took the main character on in my book "Life's Golden Ticket." Take time to read and consider these eight straightforward statements. Be honest. Think about tomorrow. Go from making New Year's resolutions to creating a new reality.

Transformation Truth #1: Either you are truly moving forward or you aren't.We were all born to move forward: to crawl, to walk, to run, to grow, to push ourselves diligently toward our destinies and dreams. Unfortunately, many of us have let our fears and the need for safety weigh us down. We've stopped taking the leaps and bounds and chances needed to get us closer to the life we desire. Tragically, too many of us have settled into jobs that lead nowhere, relationships that sink our spirits, and habits that hold us back. To prevent that or become more focused, ask yourself these simple questions on a regular basis: Have I been charging ahead in life, standing still, or falling behind? Am I truly moving forward toward my dreams, or am I simply conning myself into believing that I'm just "waiting for the right time to make my move"? What do I need to do today to boldly start moving forward?

Transformation Truth #2: Either you're doing work you truly enjoy or you aren't.Most of us know that our life's purpose is more than just a paycheck, and that a life of meaning is not limited to a life of means. Yet many of us suffer the self-imposed misery of doing unfulfilling work simply to make ends meet. Is what you are doing something that you whole-heartedly enjoy? Do you get happily lost in your work on a regular basis and feel like you're truly growing, contributing, and making a difference? If you cannot answer with a resounding "Yes!" to these questions, then you already know it's time for a change. It's time to face that and take action.

Transformation Truth #3: Either you are truly being yourself or you aren't.Each day we have a choice: Will I live authentically or adapt to the world around us? When we choose to be authentic, we show the world our raw, unpainted, genuine self. We act in accordance with our convictions, and we openly share our personality and passions with other people. Living like this makes us feel alive, connected, and "real." Unfortunately, many of us choose instead to adapt to the world the way a chameleon does, changing our true colors in order to blend in. Living like this makes us feel hollow and disconnected. It makes us avoid ourselves in the mirror and creates a repeating whimper in our minds: "Please stop acting this way; it's not the real you, and there's someone special in here waiting to be let out." How are you living your life -- are you showing the world who you really are, or are you putting on a facade in order to fit in and be accepted? Your answer probably says a lot about how you feel on a regular basis.

Transformation Truth #4: Either your relationships are truly supporting you or they aren't.The quality of our lives is shaped by the quality of our relationships. Indeed, the people in our lives who treat us with kindness, respect, honesty, and understanding have the ability to lift us to our highest heights. On the flip side, those who mistreat us, disrespect us, lie to us, neglect us, or abuse us often have the power to pull us down into the depths of despair. Think about the people surrounding you: your family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, romantic interest. Are any of these people holding you back from being your best? Are any of them making you feel small, stupid, unworthy, unloved, or uncared for? If so, who are they? Now the important part: Why in the world are you allowing these people in your life, and what are you doing right now to surround yourself with supportive and inspiring people?

Transformation Truth #5: Either you truly believe in yourself or you don't.It turns out that sometimes the most toxic relationship we ever get into is the one with ourselves. We beat ourselves up, call ourselves names, point out our faults, and question our own worthiness of love and happiness. On the other hand, our relationship with ourselves can be healthier and friendlier. We can take pride in our efforts and achievements, acknowledge our strengths, and reaffirm that we are worthy of a good life. So what kind of relationship do you have with yourself? Are the thoughts playing in your head hurtful or helpful? Are you lifting yourself or tearing yourself down, and what is the result in your life?

Transformation Truth #6: Either you're truly fit and vibrant or you're not. The diet industry booms this time of year, only to leave in its wake millions of unhealthy and unhappy people. Why? Because true health and vibrancy doesn't depend on food alone. We all know that, but most of us aren't as physically fit and vibrant as we want to be. Do you have as much energy as you'd like to have throughout the day? Are the food and proportions you're consuming helping you feel light and fueled, or heavy and wasted? Are you exercising several times a week? If you haven't felt truly alive in some time, it probably has more to do with your physical conditioning and the amount of food on your plate than on how busy you are or how much you have on your plate at work. Make today the day you rededicate yourself to living a fit, vibrant, and healthy life.

Transformation Truth #7: Either you're building wealth or you're depleting it. Most of us have a one-sided love affair with money -- we take and spend, but we don't give and save. The majority of us also believe that there's not enough abundance in the world, that we're only worth so much, and can only earn a given amount each year. Are you making as much money as you would like to right now? Why not? Are you adding enough value at work? Have you been differentiating yourself, coming up with new clients or products or services, seeking mentors who can help you climb higher? Are you putting more away than you spend? If not, why? We all know the advice: earn, spend little, save lots, plan for the long haul. This is a great time to check yourself -- and your checkbook. It's time to set some higher financial goals in your life -- so you can take care of yourself and others -- and to create a plan for a more profitable year.

Transformation Truth #8: Either you're truly stepping up or you're backing down.How are you facing life's challenges? Are you hiding under the sheets or seizing the day? Are you running away from your fears or charging at them head-on? Are you avoiding your problems or knocking them off one by one? Those that dramatically transform their lives refuse to shrink from anyone or anything. They choose to stand up and speak up in life even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world to do.

How about you?

Are you choosing to stand up or back down?

Are you making your presence known?

Have you shared your thoughts and feelings and declared what you want in life?

Have you fought for your dreams and done it consistently enough to create the life you've always wanted?

I hope these Truths help you assess where you are today and where you need to go. I also hope you always find the strength to face your life, to boldly walk up to the gates of possibility, ticket ready in hand, willing to claim the life you've always deserved.

~Brendon Burchard~

***

Career Tips 101

Create Your Professional Success Stories - Part Three

To get started with your first success story, simply begin to brainstorm. Do not edit as you go. Just write your thoughts down on paper or type them up on your computer.
Think through each job you've held. This can include both professional positions and part-time jobs you held before you launched your career. If you have children, include motherhood as well since this is the hardest job on earth. Also feel free to incorporate any volunteer roles you've held.

Here are some questions to get you started. Think about each job you've held and answer these questions to help get your thought process going:

What did I enjoy about this position?
What assignments did I like working on?
What assignments were easy for me to accomplish?
What projects gave me the most satisfaction?
When did I have the most fun at this job?
What types of projects elicited the most compliments from managersand clients?
What were my accomplishments at this position?
What results did I produce?
What outcomes did I affect during my time in this position?

***

Relationships 101

101 Relationship Tips (Part 3)

21. Make The Men Feel Good
For the man in your life, here are some recommendations for making him feel special:
Flirt with him in public places
Just once, leave the toilet lid up
Lavish him with compliments
Tell him how sexy he is
Act jealous once in awhile, even if you are not
Remind him that he is a wonderful mate, husband, father, whichever applies
Tell him how handsome you find him

22. Make The Women Feel Good
Just like men, woman love feeling good about themselves. These recommendations might help:
Tell her how beautiful she is
Compliment her on her many skills (be specific)
Just once, leave the toilet seat down
Tell her how much she means to you
Let her know that she is your best friend
Show affectionate to her in front of family and friends
Let her know that you find her to be sexy

23. That Kiss
As couples become comfortable with each other, kisses can become lame. Get rid of the pecks and get serious with the kisses. The next time the two of you greet each other, enjoy your kiss and do not be so quick to stop. While there are appropriate times for serious kissing, they should be loving, sincere, and passionate, regardless of how long they last. You will find that as you pay attention to your kissing and let your mate know that you enjoy kissing them, you will both feel better about your relationship.

24. Be Kind To One Another
Unbelievably, kindness is often over simplified. Even good relationships can lack acts of kindness. This refers to "Do unto others -" Simple acts of kindness can have huge impacts on a relationship. If your husband or boyfriend is out working on the car on a hot summer day, make a thermos of ice-cold tea and take it to him, giving him a gentle kiss. If your wife or girlfriend has been working at the computer all day, walk up behind her and massage her shoulders and neck. You get the idea. Kindness means looking at the other person's situation and seeing what you can do or add to that situation to make it better or easier. This is a way to validate your respect for each other. Kindness will go a long way in a relationship.

25. Special Hobby
Find some type of hobby that you both enjoy and then do it together. It might be that you both love refurnishing furniture. Turn this into an adventure of going to estate sales together to find nice pieces of furniture and them refurbishing them as a team. Another option would be if you have both wanted to learn how to ballroom or salsa dance. Take lessons together so you can then go out on the town and dance the night away. This is a great way to make your relationship even stronger while adding in something fun that you both enjoy.

26. Listen - Really Listen
Get into a habit of listening to what your mate is saying. Not the kind of listening that you do when you go out or sit at the dinner table, but a different kind of listening. Have you ever overheard your mate make a comment to a friend or family member about something they really want or want to do? Maybe you heard your boyfriend or husband tell a friend that they would love a certain tool. For no reason whatsoever, make a special effort to get that for him. You might have heard your girlfriend or wife mention a spa that they would love to try. Again, without any reason, surprise her. This shows that your mate is really paying attention to things important to you.

27. Be A Kid
Do not be a prude. There is absolutely no reason why couples at any age cannot get into tickling matches or wrestle on the floor. Do not allow your relationship to grow old and stale. Understand and accept that it is perfectly fine to be silly from time to time. If you have nothing special planned on a Friday night, rent a few games, order in Chinese, plug in the Play Station, and play games.

28. All Decked Out
Although most people do not get dressed formally to go out, as a special treat, find an upscale restaurant, the opera, or even a ball, where the man can wear a tuxedo and the woman an evening gown. If possible, rent a limousine and have a bottle of champagne chilling before you get in. You will both feel good about yourselves and spending this magical evening together. This is something unique that brings another unexpected twist into the relationship, which keeps things interesting and alive. The two of you will have a romantic night that you will never forget.

29. Showing Love
Although hearing the words, "I love you" is special and important, sometimes you wish you could tell your mate as well as hear from your mate those words, but in special and unique ways. Here are some ideas of how this can be accomplished:
Rent his favorite movie, even if it is something you do not like, and plan an evening alone where you can be with him as he enjoys his special treat.
When she gets out of the shower, hand her a warm, cozy towel just heated in the dryer.
When you make him pancakes, first pour the words, "I Love You" on the griddle and cook for a minute to brown. Then, pour more batter over the words to create a round pancake. The result will be a pancake displaying those three special words when you flip it over.
While she is out of town, wash her car and surprise her by picking her up in a clean, shiny car at the airport.
Take him out to lunch.
Have his favorite breakfast on the table along with the morning newspaper.
Instead of bugging him to go to the grocery store with you, let him stay home.
Display your favorite picture of the two of you on the refrigerator.
Buy her a subscription to her favorite magazine.

30. Split The Responsibility
Whether dating or married, weekends are always full of errands and chores. If you find that on the weekend things are lopsided, help your mate out. For example, if there are kids involved and one has a soccer game while the other has a baseball game, at the same time, offer to take one of the kids and your mate take the other. Make this a special time by packing a special lunch or snacks. Perhaps one of you has company coming and the house needs to be cleaned, laundry done, and groceries purchased. Set aside something you need done and offer to pitch in to help. Simply say you want to help and ask which of the jobs you can take over. This gesture will show your mate that you really care by sacrificing your time.

Welcome to Helena Nyman's Newsletter 3/19/08

2008-04-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

"Do more than exist: live.
Do more than touch: feel
Do more than look: observe
Do more than hear: listen
Do more than listen: understand
Do more than think: reflect
Do more that just talk: say something!"

~Author unknown~

What wonderful guidelines this quote offers for truly living our life! What else can I add?

Your turn:

Read this quote several times. Which lines "speak" to you most? Make a concerted effort to practice at least two of these philosophies today.

Your affirmation:

Choose whichever lines speak to you most and write them as an affirmation. Example: I reflect and speak with meaning. I listen intently. I look beyond the obvious and observe life.

Life Improvement Tips

Overwhelmed? How to Regain Your Balance

"Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, 'I'm going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snowshoes, that's tough. I am going to snow anyway.' - Maya Angelou

Once in a while, life or career changes will just pull the rug right out from underneath you, even when you think you are glued down and wrapped up tightly. How do you find peace when life pulls a fast one?

You may be contemplating a huge career move, facing empty nest or divorce, or you may simply be overwhelmed by all of the things you wish you could do but can't because there is only one of you. I have a few suggestions for you:

First, take a deep breath. Literally, inhale deeply, then exhale deeply, right now. Do it as many times slowly as you need until you feel your heart rate slow down and your muscles begin to relax.

Accept that what is, is. Trying to deny circumstances only increases your anxiety. By facing what is really going on, you can begin to take steps to correct it. I once saw a victim of Hurricane Katrina on a television news program who said he had cried for two days about his loss and was all cried out. Now, he said, he was going to move forward and make decisions about today. So take a lesson from him; mourn your loss in the way that will help you release it, then look to the future and take action to make it brighter.

Talk. Enlist the help of friends, trusted colleagues, a coach, family, or whoever will listen and support you. Sometimes when you're confronting a tough change, the last thing you want to do is talk. But talking can be one of the most healing things you can do. Find someone you trust and tell them, "I'm going through a tough time right now and would like to talk with someone for a little while. I'm not looking for advice or a quick fix for the situation, just an objective listener. Would you mind being that person?"

Let nature refresh you. One of the things I enjoy most and that gives me the most immediate peace is to be outside feeling the wind blow. The windier, the better! Nature doesn't always provide that, but being outdoors, away from phones, handheld devices, and television and absorbing sunshine, clouds, fresh air, and whatever else nature provides that day will unfailingly get your mind off of whatever troubles may be with you, at least in that moment. Go for a walk, run through a field, ride a bike, or just sit in a lawn chair. The change in environment will shift your perspective and let you see things more objectively.

Laugh! It may seem like the last thing you can make yourself do, but laughing has been proven to offer all kinds of physical benefits. Spend time with a friend who always has a great sense of humor, rent a funny movie, or just see some humor in your circumstances. I remember when my grandfather was in a nursing home near the end of his life. It was not a bright situation, but what did he do? He made up humorous nicknames for the staff and the other residents (none were disrespectful). I was a child at the time, but to this day I remember some of those names and still laugh out loud, thinking of my sweet grandfather making the best of a hard situation.

Work with your hands. If your hands are busy, your mind won't have to be. It can be anything -- cooking, building something, painting, sewing, repairing something, etc. Occupying your hands will free your mind of its clutter, if even for a little while. Over time these mini mind-breaks will allow your energy to rebuild!

Remember that if you are overwhelmed, don't just wait it out and hope it will get better. The most important things you can do are to practice good self-care and get help where you need it.

~Gwen Jewett ~

***

Career Tips 101

Create Your Professional Success Stories - Part Two

Now its time for you to develop your success stories. At this point, you may be thinking: "But I don't have any success stories." To that I say: Hogwash! I know you do!

Every woman I coach through this process has feelings of self-doubt in the beginning. Each and every time, I help them develop strong, powerful stories that truly exemplify their greatest strengths and talents. If you are feeling some anxiety right now that is ok - your emotions are valid. Just remember, you are a legitimate professional with lots to offer and a track record of success to prove it.

Most women get stuck when its time to develop their success stories because they aren't sure what compelling contributions they've made. The main reason for this is because women tend to devalue their own contributions. For many, this is due to a combination of not wanting to brag and simply not knowing (or not owning) their gifts and talents.

Everyone has areas in which they excel. Too often, women overlook or devalue their greatest strengths. Since certain skills come to them so naturally, they assume everyone possesses these same gifts. The fact that a certain assignment may feel effortless to you does not negate the fact that it is a valuable skill. This exercise will help you identify your unique skill sets.
Step-by-Step Instructions

Develop conversational stories that paint a vivid word picture of your accomplishments. They should be short and concise and clearly highlight your role in the outcome.

To start, brainstorm a list of topics for your stories. Review each of your past jobs and write down your top accomplishments from each position. Use the above success story examples as inspiration.

You can also get ideas from:

Feedback you've received from clients, managers, colleagues, etc.

Praise you've received in your past performance reviews

Comments from audience members from your public speaking presentations

Information in your "Success File" - You do keep a Success File, right? (If not, see my book Thrive in Your Job for detailed instructions on how to keep a Success File.)

Each vignette should be a "before and after" story. Clearly show the cause and effect. Describe the original set of circumstances and how you contributed to improving the situation.

This week, gather information for your success stories. Next week, I'll show you how to start writing them!

***

Relationships 101

101 Relationship Tips (Part 2)

11. Communicate

When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop. It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad. When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start. This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk. Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine. However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution. This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.

12. A Night Of Passion

Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy. Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way. When relationships are troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other. However, this is a part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward in the beginning, it is crucial. Make your intimate time together special. Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.

13. Dinner Party

Start a new tradition of hosting a dinner party every other month or two and inviting several of you and your mate's friends. Set up board games that everyone will enjoy, have some light and lively music playing, and plan to have a blast. Spending time with friends in this kind of setting is a great way to reduce stress. When stress is low, couples get along better. This is a wonderful way to interact with each other's friends as a couple.

14. Happy Birthday

As people grow older, in general, birthdays become less celebrated. Gifts are quickly given, meals eaten, and it is over. For your mate's next birthday, take some time to plan something very special. Make this a true celebration of their life as a way of showing your love and appreciation. Every person, even adults, like attention and love to be appreciated. Whether a surprise party or not, your mate will be impressed that you went to all the effort just for them.

15. Secret Getaway

Plan a nice weekend getaway to some place off the beaten track where you can enjoy some privacy. A quaint cottage or charming bed and breakfast would be ideal choices. Scout out the area ahead of time and choose a few things that the two of you would like to do in the area but just be sure to leave plenty of time for you to enjoy some alone time. Order a nice bottle of wine or some hot cappuccino and relax in front of the fire! Make this a romantic weekend where you can rekindle your love.

16. Special Greeting

If your mate has to work late and you know he had a bad day, surprise him with a late-night gourmet meal. When you hear him arrive home, greet him in new, sexy lingerie, a warm kiss, and wonderful hot meal. After he picks himself up off the floor, he will fall in love with you all over again for this wonderful greeting. If reversed and the woman is coming home, after giving her a lingering kiss, have her join you in the dining room where the table is set with soft glowing candles and a wonderful meal. Have an envelope lying by her plate that when opened, she will read, "This certificate is good for one thirty-minute massage after dinner." This is how you keep romance alive!

17. Just Because

Give your mate gifts "just because." These do not have to be expensive whatsoever. For example, one woman had a miniature dish collection in her kitchen. Her husband came home and told her that he had a gift for her. Holding out her hand, he gently placed in her hand a miniature porcelain cup with her name neatly written in blue ink. She knew that this cup probably cost no more than $2.00 but the thought that he would take the time to find something she enjoyed, was worth $1 million. The small gifts packed with thought are far more cherished.

18. Say It With Words

Surprise your mate with little notes found in unexpected places. If your mate travels for work, place a loving note somewhere in their suitcase. Perhaps they have a long commute to work. If so, slip a note saying, "I love you," in their CD case where you know they will find it. Another recommendation is sticking a note on the bathroom mirror so this will be the first thing seen in the morning. Be creative and have some fun with this.

19. Cuddle Time

When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence. However, as the relationship progresses or after children enter the picture, the cuddling stops. Take some time just to cuddle. If your mate is sitting on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed reading, scoot close and tell them that you just want to cuddle. This makes both people feel secure and loved.

20. Breakfast In Bed

When was the last time you or your mate were served breakfast in bed? Never? On a Saturday or Sunday, when nothing special is planned, get up a little early and fix their favorite breakfast. Include the morning newspaper as an added bonus. Although they may be shocked, you can be guaranteed that this gesture of love will be appreciated.

***

Quote of the Week

"Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness."

~ George Santayana, 1863-1952, Spanish-born American Philosopher~

Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 3/12/08

2008-04-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

"Dreams come a size too big so that we can grow into them!"

~Josie Bissett~

Stop - Take a deep breath. The next two minutes we are going to be doing something that might be a bit foreign--RELAXING! (Don't just read this--do it!) Close your eyes and take another deep breath and exhale. Imagine you are breathing in all things good and wonderful and are exhaling all stress and troubles.

Your turn:

Once you are relaxed, take a moment and reflect on this question: 'What dream do you hold in your heart?'

Your affirmation:

I will reach any dream I set my mind and heart to.

***

Self Improvement Tips

Pump Up The Change Volume

"The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen."

~ Frank Lloyd Wright~

Can you relate to this? You oversleep, which means you don't have time to get ready and your hair doesn't want to cooperate. You have to take your coffee in a to-go cup, which spills in your car on your new pants. Meanwhile, you miss the call and discover a voicemail from your major client who tells you they don't want your product after all. And when you finally get to your meeting, you forgot all your materials at home. This, my friend, is called the power of negative spiral thinking.The good news about that is that where there is down, there is up. That is, there is just as much, if not even more, power in positive thinking. You may not notice it when it's working for you because it feels good. We tend to notice what's not right because we are programmed from our Neanderthal roots to filter out the familiar. And if the familiar means normal, then what is abnormal is what stands out -- in this case, if things run smoothly, we get comfortable and lax about really going for what we want in (or out of!) life.If your life seems to be consistently scenario one, it's time to make a big change. Worse, if your life is routinely smooth and you're bored with it, it's time to pump up the change volume!So, how do you pump up the change? Here are three strategies to help you get started...

1. Check your belief systems. Seriously, do a systems check on what's happening underneath whatever you're thinking right now. If you're thinking that's a silly idea, why do you think that? Isn't your life important enough to take the time to find out what's underneath your thoughts? Because your beliefs influence the thoughts you think, and the thoughts you think create feelings. When you have feelings, you will experience emotions in your body. And when you have emotions, you are likely to act on them. When you have action, you have results. So, follow the formula... Beliefs cause Actions which cause your Results. Think BAR. To get different results, it's time to raise the BAR.

2. Look at your flock. Yes, it's true... the old adage says that birds of a feather flock together. Who are you "flocking" with? Who is in your tribe, chosen or inherited? If you aren't impressed with the five people closest to you in your world for some reason, or if you don't feel like you fit with them anymore, or you don't feel good around them consistently, or you feel like you have to turn down your vibe so they don't feel bad, it's time to get some new feathered friends.

3. Take a tour of where you live. Because though you live there, chances are you aren't seeing your living space like other people do. Remember, we filter out the familiar, so you probably aren't even seeing the broken thing with the scratch on it, sitting on the floor collecting dust. If you have burned out light bulbs, or some appliance that doesn't work, or clothes that don't fit that you never wear, or stacks of magazines from 1972, you have a flow problem. How can you bring in new stuff when you're full to the brim with all that old stuff? How can you show people you're serious about creating success when you aren't even taking care of your living space?You CAN pump up the volume on change, but it takes raising the BAR, having the right people in your life, and making sure your environment reflects your self-esteem. Using positive spiral thinking will pump you up AND create change in your life. Believe in yourself enough to take action TODAY!

Career Tips 101

Create Your Professional Success Stories - Part One

Keep your "more and less" list in a prominent place where you will see it often. Review it each week as you plan the coming week so you can schedule time to focus on these priority goals. (You do strategically plan your weeks in advance, don't you? If not, I recommend putting this helpful habit into practice in 2008.)

Use your career audit to actively manage your career and reach both your short and long-term professional goals. Take the time now to strategically design the rest of your careerso you can truly actualize these wise words from Confucius: "Find work that you love and never work another day in your life."

Relationships 101

101 RelationshipTips

1. Start Over
When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the little annoying things the other person does. However, after time, the nagging starts, instead of hearing, "You look beautiful," they might hear "Why are you wearing that shirt?" If this sounds like your relationship, first, the two of you need to sit down and be honest that things have changed. Identify the things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place. Then together, make a commitment to start over. The truth is, both of you will have to work on this. It will not automatically be easy but it is possible. Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and then start over with the flirtation. Focus only on the special things your mate does and relearn to put the unimportant things aside. It will take some time so be patient.

2. Schedule Time
Spending quality time together is crucial. This time can be with friends, dining out, attending a sporting event, or cuddling together while watching a favorite movie. The activity is not what is important but the fact that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy. People have extremely busy schedules and between work, family, the home, errands, and everything else going on, finding time for your mate can be difficult. Just as you would schedule a meeting on your calendar, show some courtesy in the relationship by scheduling time with each other. Once the plan is in place, no backing out unless you have some life and death emergency.

3. The Power Of Touch
When a child is ill, doctors will tell you that it is proven that a simple, loving touch of a parent can quickly pull the child through a crisis. It is the same for relationships. Playing with your mate's hair, rubbing their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your mate responds to you. When was the last time you walked up to your mate for no reason and without saying a word, affectionately placed a kiss on their neck? This is not in a sexual way, but an affectionate way. There is a difference. The next time the two of you are sitting in the car, at the grocery story, or standing in line at the theater, quietly reach over and take their hand. Do not be surprised if you get a strange look of curiosity the first time!

4. Surprise
If you and your mate have scheduled some time for a Friday night dinner, put together a surprise instead. For example, if your mate loves professional wrestling, buy some tickets near the front or if they like concerts, purchase the tickets ahead of time, getting the best seats possible. When Friday night comes around, insist on driving and head toward the location where the event is taking place. When asked where you are going, simply answer, "I have a surprise for you. I know you love professional wrestling so I purchased two great seats for tonight's performance," or "I know we had planned on going to dinner, but I wanted to surprise you with something special. I purchased tickets to see one of your favorite groups in concert." The idea of you getting the tickets for something THEY like and then keeping it as a special surprise will touch their heart!

5. Needed Space
As important as it is to spend quality time together, it is equally important to give each other time to do something they like. If your mate loves to fish but you have no desire to bait a hook with little, slimy worms, or if you like to go to the casino but your mate would rather do something different, encourage each other to take time apart. Try establishing a set time for this very purpose, if possible. For example, perhaps you could determine that every other Friday night is "singles" night. This is not a time to date other people, but to enjoy preferred activities. Remember that you have to place trust in your relationship. If you try this and then drill them, to see what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the exercise has failed.

6. No Debates
If you know that you and your mate have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, avoid those subjects. As an example, if you are a Republican and your mate is a Democrat, politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started.

7. Filler Talk
If you are married, especially with children, break out of the habit of talking about nothing. Many times, families will be sitting around the dinner table and the conversation consists of, "Do you like your carrots?", or "I wonder what is on TV tonight?" Instead, change your strategy to include real questions, showing real interest. Replace the normal, "Did you have a good day at work?" with "Tell me what you did at work today." Even if you do not understand everything being said, listen with interest. It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but your mate's life.

8. Re-Establish Old Traditions
If you and your mate had a tradition of some kind when you first got together, dust it off and breathe life back into it. Perhaps you met after work on Friday at the local pub for a drink, washed your cars together every Saturday morning, or attended church together on Sunday. Whatever it was, re-establish the tradition.

9. Predictability
If asking couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable. When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom. If you normally hate the fact that Saturday afternoons consist of your mate sitting for hours watching football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and go join them on the couch, or if your mate spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it. When taking a walk with your mate, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, "I love you," and then keep walking. Take some chances and do the unexpected.

10. Lighten Up
Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious. It could be that there is a tremendous amount of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say. Regardless of the reason, learn to lighten up. Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem. If your mate makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself. This will automatically start the process of tension breaking.

Quote of the Week

"Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."

~ Eleanor Roosevelt,
1884-1962, American Humanitarian and Former First Lady of the United States~

Welcome to my Newsletter 3/5/08

2008-03-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

"Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's the letting go!"

~Sylvia Robinson~

Oh what a lesson today's quote holds! I can't tell you how many times I thought holding on would make me stronger, when in reality it was the letting go that helped me grow. I have learned that life is fluid--each moment a gift.

Your turn:

What have you been holding onto that is hurtful or weakens you? Most likely these are things that keep us from moving forward. Perhaps we are holding onto an unrequited love or an unrewarding friendship that prevents us from making new friends or finding more fulfilling love. Identify something that you need to let go of -- and then repeat today's quote while visualizing the letting go.

Your affirmation:

I let go of anything that hurts me. I welcome all things that encourage me.

Great Quotes from Great Leaders!

About 2 1/2 months ago, my friends at Simple Truths released a new book and inspirational movie titled: Great Quotes from Great Leaders. The response was overwhelmingly positive! Their first print run that was projected to last 90 days - sold out in a week!
Therefore, I wasn't able to share this powerful new movie with you. The photos, the music, and of course, the quotes are terrific! I know you will enjoy them as much as I have -
So turn up your speakers and enjoy 3 minutes of inspiration. Just click the link below.
http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=lwylckcab.0.0.ce6gcpbab.0&ts=S0322&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmk1.netatlantic.com%2Ft%2F3853348%2F19262524%2F10970%2F0%2F%3Fu%3DaHR0cDovL3d3dy5HcmVhdHF1b3Rlc2Zyb21ncmVhdGxlYWRlcnMuY29tP01JQU1TUkM9VzA4MDIyNy8%253d%26x%3D6ddbb3a8&id=preview

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you' to Jackie Davis from Richmond, VA for sharing Anthony Robbin's Summer Challenge with my Readers!

To sign up for Anthony Robbin's Summer Challenge, visit: http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=lwylckcab.0.0.ce6gcpbab.0&ts=S0322&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tonyrobbins.com%2FShapeUp%2Fsignup.html&id=preview

Life Improvement Tips

Ten Tips to Achieving Your Goals

In achieving any worthy objective, there must be consistency in the amount of hard work you put in; a day here and there just isn't going to do it. A week of sustained effort isn't going to do it either! So what am I saying? I'm saying if you want to achieve your goals, you must remain focused on exactly what it is you want. Starting the process is usually quite easy, especially when you have that initial excitement about a new objective or goal you've just set for yourself. Here are ten ideas to assist you in reaching any goal you care to set:

1) The Right Reasons (personal to you). Doing things for the right reasons is easy; having strong, powerful emotions for reaching your goals will give you the "Get Up and Go" that is needed when things sometimes get tough. If we're excited and full of enthusiasm for reaching our goals, then the energy and vigor naturally follow. If you don't have a strong enough reason for doing something, then it becomes more of an effort, requires more discipline, and uses more energy.

2) Think In Ink. Use pen and paper to write down clear, concise goals. When your eyes see your goals written down, it becomes a new permanent picture in your subconscious mind for you to recall any time you choose.

3) See It, Be It. Visualize what it is you want; feel the strong emotions you associate with your goals -- the smells, the tastes, the happiness, the sense of achievement.

4) Say It Loud, Say It Proud. Speak to yourself in positive, present-tense terms. I am, I have, I earn, I do, I can. The more emotion you put into this exercise, the more powerful they become, and the more energy you will feel.

5) Destination, Station. You can't travel in the right direction unless you know where to start and exactly where you want to end up. Your route can change in many ways; the journey will almost certainly not be a straight one, so look ahead for the blind corners before you get to them.

6) Measure Your Treasure. Your goals are something to be treasured; if they're not, then you probably don't have "The Right Reasons" in the first place. So measure your progress. You can only adjust your route if you find out where you are; otherwise you will waste a lot of effort to end up a long way from your intended destination.

7) Peer, Steer. Associate with as many positive, motivated, and focused individuals or groups as you can. Meet with them, talk on the phone, in email, or by fax, or join news groups. Set up your own newsgroups if you can't find any on your particular goal.

8) Fewer Goals, Fewer Tolls. By this I mean you should concentrate your efforts on just a few goals at any one time. You can have as many goals as you like, but only have a few priority goals to work on at any point. Don't pay a higher price en route.

9) Pay Every Day. If you have "The Right Reasons," you already have a powerful driving force to motivate you to do something every single day to move toward your desired goals. Taking action every day means you can break down your BIG goals into small manageable-sized pieces. You wouldn't try to eat a whole week's groceries in one meal. So why bite off more than you can chew?

10) Celebrate and Congratulate. When you achieve milestones, reward yourself and celebrate, even if only in a small way. You're on the road to overall success, so congratulate yourself on your achievement. The more you do this, the better you will feel; the better you feel, the more likely you are to do it all over again.

Career Tips 101

Career Audit Part 5

"Find work that you love and never work another day in your life."

Relationships 101

17 Ways to Make Your Relationships Great in 2008

I recently saw a list of the 5 top topics that people create goals around for the new year, with weight loss leading the list.What struck me as odd was that creating better relationships wasn't on that list!In my opinion, there is NOTHING more important than your relationships AND -The reason I hold this opinion isn't because I am a relationship coach who writes about, speaks about, coaches and teaches people like you about creating closer and more connected relationships. You see, everything we do or try to do in life is either about, includes or requires the help of a relationship of some kind. If you are a parent (or have parents) that's a relationship. If you work anywhere, you must develop relationships to be successful in your job.Governments must form relationships with other government organizations in order to be effective and even to be in harmony with one another. Even something like an engine in a car must have a "relationship" with the other parts of the car in order to work effectively and efficiently to provide transportation for the owner and passengers of the car. In my way of looking at things, if you're going to have something, why not go for the best?When it comes to your relationships, if you want them to be better than what you have right now, one of the best ways is to continually find some ways of improving them--and that starts with intentions and then setting and achieving some goals. In case you haven't written your goals or resolutions for 2008 (or even if you never do it), I want to offer you a few ideas about how you can create growing, more loving, more deeply connected relationships in the new year.Here are a few ways that have worked for me to keep my relationship close, connected and growing--and I offer them to you.

1. Forget about it.

Forget about what happened last year. It's done. It's over. If you feel like you need resolution about something that was said or that happened, talk to the other person. If you don't get the resolution that you want, don't carry it into the new year. Forgive yourself or the other person.Does that mean you allow yourself to be used or abused in any way. Of course not!All we are saying is that unresolved grievances may hurt you more than the other person--or more than you realize.

2. Set some relationship goals.

Think about what you'd like more of in 2008 in your relationship. We suggest that you take some time together and talk about what you want and some ways that you could practice that would bring you closer to having it--if the relationship is important to you.For instance, one of our relationship goals for 2008 might be "having more fun together." One of the ways we could "practice" is to keep a list of what "having fun" means to each of us and then doing one or more of those things every week.

3. Increase the amount of time you spend in bed--both sleeping and making love.

Statistics show that most of us don't get enough sleep--and relationships can certainly suffer if you don't. If you aren't sleeping, begin some type of meditation or relaxation program. There are plenty of resources out there that can help.If you are with an intimate partner, we suggest that you spend more time making love--from a connected space. If you don't feel connected, make it a practice to feel close and connected before love making. Talk about how the two of you can increase intimate feelings in your relationship.

4. Make your relationships a bigger priority.

Most of us lead very busy lives and we tend to put most everything ahead of maintaining and growing our relationships, especially the intimate one.I've said this many, many times but the idea bears repeating. People can very easily get "lost" from one another if they don't keep coming back to revitalizing their relationship.Committing to doing one simple thing like having a meal together once a day--or even one day a week--and talking together can make a big difference in a relationship.

5. Do something different.

Doing something different and varying from your routine helps you to expand and grow. Doing something different--something that excites both of you-can help your relationship to come alive.Some friends of mine went salsa dancing on New Year's Eve. This is the first time in a long while that they had celebrated this holiday away from home--so it was very different for them. They told us that although they were terrible at salsa dancing, they laughed and had a lot of fun.I suggest that you try something different that would be nourishing for your relationship.

Next week, I'll give you a few more of our 17 ways to help you create great relationships and what you want more of in 2008.

Quote of the Week

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

~ George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish Playwright and Nobel Prize Winner

Welcome to my Newsletter 2/27/08

2008-03-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

"Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might-have-been."
~A. Ransome, Writer and Novelist~

If only "should haves" and "could haves" were franchises -- how rich many of us would be! How many times have you looked back and thought - "If only - " or "I wish I had -" Here's the good news - you have the power to eliminate the need for the majority of "should haves" ad "could haves" from your life by seizing the changes that come your way. Make sure you have your 3 Daily Action Items listed today and that they align with the goals you identified in your Before Snapshot of the Change Your Life Challenge. Now take a chance today and move forward toward your priorities. You would be amazed at what a difference one day can make. Practice this daily, and you will be astounded at the results.

Your turn:

Make sure you have created your 3 Daily Action Item List for the day. Then make sure these 3 Daily Action Items align with your most important personal goals. Commit to crossing off each item today.

Your affirmation:

Each day, I am guided by my priorities. I live in the present, moving toward my goals.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to my friend Sonja Boehm from Switzerland for sending me the following video clip to share with my Readers.

When I watched this video clip, I thought about all the people that have so many gifts but always find excuses why they can't succeed.

If you have gifts and dreams that you didn't integrate into your life until now, watch this clip, and your life will change forever!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLVRQCjh8c

Life Improvement Tips

Creating Healthy Boundaries (Part 4 - End)

This week I will share 4 steps to help you create healthy boundaries.

Know yourself. Self-awareness is key to healthy boundaries. You need to know what you like and dislike - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It is important to spend time assessing how you want to be treated. It is important to understand that you have a right to your own opinions and beliefs. You have a right to decide how you want to be touched and by whom.

Visualize your boundaries - You can use imagery to establish your boundaries. Imagine a bubble of light surrounding you completely. Imagine this bubble of light as your boundary. It helps keep you separate from others and protects you from unwanted intrusions. This bubble is very strong, yet it is semi-permeable. It will allow in the things and people that you choose and keep out anything harmful. Imagine this bubble surrounding you at all times. In your mind's eye picture someone yelling at you and you see their words bouncing right off your bubble. Now, imagine someone giving you a compliment and see their words passing right through the bubble into your heart.

Communicate your boundaries - It is your responsibility to let others know what your boundaries are. If someone crosses a line and violates a boundary of yours, you need to let them know. You need to be able to assert yourself and take care of your needs. You can't expect others to automatically know what your boundaries are. You are unique and have unique boundaries. It is important to be assertive and clear when you communicate your boundaries.
In the examples above, Jane could say to her boss, "I am not comfortable with you sharing this information with me. I would prefer if we stick to business." Harry could say to Frank, "I feel angry that you shared my private information with Joe. Please do not do that again." Rose could gently remove Bob's hand and say, "That feels uncomfortable, please do not touch me like that."

Enforce your boundaries. To claim your personal power and maintain your integrity, you need to be willing to protect yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you express your boundaries and someone still violates them, it is your responsibility to issue consequences. You need to enforce your boundaries and be willing to take appropriate action even when a small violation has occurred.

If you do not enforce your boundaries, you give the message that it is ok to let someone violate your boundaries. If a person crosses a boundary and you do not let them know, they are likely to repeat the offense. In fact, their behavior and boundary violations may escalate. If you allow this to continue it then becomes more and more difficult to correct this issue.

The bottom line is that it is your responsibility to know and protect your boundaries.

Boundaries are not meant to keep people away from you. They are necessary so that you can develop healthy relationships. Boundaries are meant to preserve your health, safety, and integrity. The key is to develop strong, but flexible boundaries. Boundaries are driven by context - you area able to adjust your boundaries depending on the situation. When you learn to create and enforce healthy boundaries you are claiming your personal power and taking responsibility for your life..

~ Kirsten ~

Career Tips 101

Career Audit Part 4

Do you have a strategic career plan? Do you know where you want to be one year from now? How about 3, 5 and 10 years from now? Now is a great time of year to conduct a "career audit." A career audit is your opportunity to assess how your professional life is going. It allows you to identify what is going well and areas in which you'd like to adjust.
Decide what you want more of in your career. Then rank each item in order of importance and create a specific action plan on how you will achieve each one. Use this plan to develop your career strategy for the year.

Relationships 101

For Singles (Part 4 - End)

Continuing on the topic of Five Key Questions For Creating Your 2008 Attraction Plan for Dating, today we're discussing the last set of relationship questions, which include:
What one or two things will you try that you haven't yet tried in order to meet new people to date?

For instance, if you are not athletic, then I don't recommend you going to a sports-oriented groups. You may feel awkward there.

Who can you enlist to help you in your search for a life partner?

There is a whole list of people who can help you: friends, family, co-workers, leaders at your synagogue or church. Also, there are match-makers who help people find life partners for a fee.

It's also a known fact that married women love to fix people up. So who can you approach about setting you up on a date?

Bonus question: What will you commit to doing differently in 2008 that you haven't done this past year?

Do you need to change your attitude about dating from an uptight perspective to a more relaxed one? Are you willing to be more open and positive about dating? All this will make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

Perhaps you need to learn how to weed through suitors better and more quickly. And, how is your rejection tolerance? Are you willing to face your fears head on and be fearless about meeting new people to date this year? Last, give someone a second chance or a second date. You may be pleasantly surprised what's really there.

My hope is that these relationship questions and dating advice for women and men have pushed you to think outside your box about dating, causing you to consider trying out a new approach or new ways to meet people.

When you take yourself outside your comfort zone and stay true to yourself, you will attract the right person to you!

Books by Helena Nyman:
To order 'Dating Miss Right', visit: http://www.lulu.com/content/1205744
To order 'Dating Mr. Right',visit: http://www.lulu.com/content/1104761

Welcome to my Newsletter 2/20/08

2008-02-26T15:33:00.000-08:00

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."

~Anne Frank~

The fact that you reading this shows your commitment to improve your surroundings and improve the world around you. The best part about changing our lives, and the world for the better is that we don't have to wait until tomorrow to start. Today - many opportunities will come your way to make a difference.Will you seize them and take the opportunity to reach out to someone? To make someone smile or laugh instead of shrugging your shoulders? The magic of living is right here, right now. Seize the day.

Your turn:

Remind yourself constantly today to "make a difference." Keep a smile on your face; truly listen instead of just nodding your head; make eye contact--connect.

***

Your affirmation:

Today I seize every opportunity to improve my world

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to my friend Jackie Davis who wanted to share the following Quote with my Readers!

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

***

Life Improvement Tips

Creating Healthy Boundaries (Part 3)

Internal boundaries are a little more difficult to grasp, but they are every bit as important as physical boundaries. Internal boundaries help you distinguish yourself as a unique individual with unique thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires. Your internal boundaries set the tone for how others treat you.

If your internal boundaries are too permeable or too weak you will have a hard time distinguishing your needs and desires from other's needs and desires. You may feel responsible for other people's feelings and believe that they are responsible for your feelings. Relationships can then become enmeshed. Enmeshment is when a person in a relationship feels the need to think and feel the same way as the other person and thus, loses their unique identity.
Internal boundaries that are too rigid create great distance in relationships and interfere with intimacy. If you have rigid internal boundaries you likely have trouble getting close to anyone and may shut out those around you. You may appear cold and distant.

Healthy internal boundaries require that you take responsibility for your emotions, thoughts, and attitudes. You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings and they are not responsible for yours. If you have healthy boundaries, you know yourself well enough to understand your feelings, needs, desires, and emotions. You ask for what you need and defend yourself against those who attempt to violate your boundaries. You know how you want to be treated and you communicate that to others. You can adjust your boundaries based on the situation and what is right for you.

Now that you have a better understanding of external and internal boundaries, next week I will share 4 steps to help you create healthy boundaries.

~ Kirsten ~

***

Career Tips

Career Audit Part 3

Schedule a few minutes in your calendar to brainstorm what you desire more and less of in your professional life. You could do this during your commute time, while at the gym, etc. Do not judge what you write, even if you think it's off the wall. Let your brainstormed ideas sit for a few days. Return to them with a fresh perspective and complete your list.

***

Relationships 101

For Singles (Part 3)

As we continue to discuss 5 Key Questions for Creating Your 2008 Attraction Plan for Dating, today, we'll find out about an important time-saving tip. Below is yet another relationship question to ask yourself when strategically creating your 2008 Attraction Plan for Dating:
What would support you in achieving your dating and relationship goals for 2008?

For instance, would losing weight or having a makeover support you in feeling better about yourself so you would be more confident about going out and dating? Perhaps better time management would give you more time in your day to look for someone and for going out on dates. Taking up a new sport can put you in touch with new people to date. Last, by working with a relationship coach or a therapist, you can get the support and encouragement you may need from an impartial person to take action.

***

Quote of the Week

"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you."

~ James Allen ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 2/13/08

2008-02-26T15:10:00.000-08:00

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~

I often tell the significant others in my life - family and friends that I love them more today than yesterday and less than I shall tomorrow. I do not remember where I found that quote but for me it is an affirmation that my love will continue to grow, develop and expand each day. I thought that was so beautifully articulated. And what is Valentine's Day? It is a time when we articulate our feelings toward our loved ones. Often it is done through browsing for the perfect card, but why not take a moment today and write a special handwritten note? Then take it a step further and make an effort to verbally express and affirm your love!

Your Turn:

How often do you say "I love you," to those you love? Do the words roll off your tongue in routine, or are they said with heartfelt meaning? Think of ways you can articulate and share your feelings for those you love. Take a moment today to write a handwritten note and express your love to someone.

Your affirmation:

I express my love for others easily and often!

Valentine's Day Special

Watch this beautiful Movie!
A special 'Thank you' to my Colleague Mary Robinson for sharing this beautiful movie with us!

To watch the movie, visit:

http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=nmywcjcab.0.0.ce6gcpbab.0&ts=S0313&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youarelovemovie.com%2F&id=preview

It's all about giving!

A special 'Thank you!' to Marie Kellow for sharing this story with us!

Little Stuart was a shy, little boy. One day he came home and told his mother that he wanted to make a Valentine for everyone in his class. Her heart sank. She thought, "I wish he wouldn't do that," because she had watched the children when they walked home from school. Her Stuart was always behind them. They laughed and hung on to each other and talked to each other. But Stuart was never included. Nevertheless, she decided she would go along with her son. So she purchased the paper and glue and crayons. For three weeks, night after night, Stuart painstakingly made 35 Valentines.
Valentine's Day dawned, and Stuart was beside himself with excitement. He carefully stacked them up, put them in a bag, and bolted out the door. His mother decided to bake him his favorite cookies and serve them nice and warm with a cool glass of milk when he came home from school. She just knew he would be disappointed and maybe that would ease the pain a little. It hurt her to think that he wouldn't get many Valentines - maybe none at all.
That afternoon she had the cookies and milk on the table. When she heard the children outside, she looked out the window. Sure enough, there they came, laughing and having the best time. And, as always, there was Stuart in the rear. He walked a little faster than usual. She fully expected him to burst into tears as soon as he got inside. His arms were empty, she noticed, and when the door opened she choked back the tears.
"Mommy has some cookies and milk for you," she said.
But he hardly heard her words. He just marched right on by, his face aglow, and all he could say was: "Not a one. Not a one."
Her heart sank.
And then he added, "I didn't forget a one, not a single one!"
This is Rex Barker reminding us to see the inner joy of a child giving something and to understand that true joy comes from giving and helping others, not by receiving.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to my friend Soja Boehm from Switzerland for sharing this unique story about the Friendship between a Crow and a Kitten.

To watch the video, click on the following link:

http://www.animalsspeak.org/viewtopic.php?t=257

Life Improvement Tips

Creating Healthy Boundaries (Part 2)

External boundaries are your physical limits. They help you protect your physical space and your body. Your external boundaries dictate how close you let others get to you, as well as, how you want to be touched and by whom. While external boundaries are not tangible, most people are aware of their physical boundaries when someone gets too close to them. Think back to a time when you were talking to someone who kept moving in closer and closer to you. At what point did you begin to feel uncomfortable? That is when your physical boundary was violated.
External boundaries also include the limits you set for your possessions. You may allow a close friend to borrow your car, but if a stranger asked to borrow your car you would say no. You have the right to set limits on who gets to use your belongings and how they are used.
Weak external boundaries make it difficult to understand where your physical space ends and another's begins. You may believe that others have the right to touch you anytime and in any way. Weak external boundaries may lead you to believe that what is yours is also everyone else's.

Rigid external boundaries prevent you from getting physically close to anyone. You may feel uncomfortable hugging or touching anyone, including your family. Rigid external boundaries can help keep out unwanted and harmful physical contact; unfortunately, you also miss out on the pleasure of healthy contact.

Healthy external boundaries are durable yet yielding. You control the space that you need. You adjust your boundaries as needed; letting friends and family in closer than strangers. When you have healthy external boundaries you understand that it is always your right to choose how, when, and by whom you will be touched. You will defend your space and your body if someone violates your boundaries. You also understand that you have the right to decide who can use your possessions and how they will be used.
Next week we will look at internal boundaries.
Create a great week!

Career Tips

Career Audit Part 2

Do you have a strategic career plan? Do you know where you want to be one year from now? How about 3, 5 and 10 years from now? Now is a great time of year to conduct a "career audit." A career audit is your opportunity to assess how your professional life is going. It allows you to identify what is going well and areas in which you'd like to adjustcourse.
To the next step in your career audit is to decide what elements of your career could be improved and what you'd like to change.

Specifically, write down the following:

Three things you want *more* of in your current your job- and -Three things you want *less* of in your current your job

For example:

In your current job, you may want more:
* Challenging assignments* Feedback from your boss* Time off
On the flip side, you may want less:
* Conflict with a certain person* Miscommunication within your team* Overtime and late hours

Feel free to add more things at any time and get clear what YOU REALLY WANT!

Relationships 101

For Singles (Part 2)

Continuing our Five Questions For Creating Your 2008 Attraction Plan for Dating, our next question is:
What are your dating or relationship goals for 2008? (3 months/ 6 months/ 1 year)
Goals need to be written down to make them attainable. I suggest you post your goals at a place you see at least once a day. I post my goals on the bathroom mirror. For instance, an example of goals written down is "in 3 months time I will be dating someone steadily, lose 10 pounds, and work as a volunteer once a month". As a relationship coach, some of my clients have told me they put their goals on their computer- or in their Blackberry.
Until the next time, when we'll continue our discussion on the Five Key Questions for Creating Your 2008 Attraction Plan for Dating.

New!!! New!!! New!!!
Cupid Newsletter for Singles

Articles * Singles Events * Stories, etc

To sign up, send a blank e-mail to:
nyman@consultant.com and write "Cupid" in the Subject Line!

Valentine's Day would not be complete without Cupid, the most recognized symbol of love. Nope, we are not talking about one of Santa's reindeer. We are speaking of Cupid, the God of Love. It is said that if Cupid shoots his arrow of love and hits you, that you will fall helplessly and madly in love with the next person you meet.
In Roman mythology, Cupid is the son of Venus, the goddess of love. In greek mythology, he was known as Eros and was the son of Aphrodite.
According to Roman mythology, Cupid fell madly in love with Psyche despite his mothers jealousy over Psyche's beauty. While he married her, he also told her never to look at him. He visited her only at night. Her sisters convinced her to look at Cupid despite his warning. So she lit a lamp one night so she could see him. Cupid then left her.
Psyche wandered aimlessly for a time, searching in vain for Cupid. She happened upon the temple of Venus. Venus, looking to destroy her, gave Psyche a series of perilous tasks, each one more difficult and previous than than preceding one. Her final task was to deliver take a little box to the underworld and get some of the beauty of Proserpine. She was warned not to open the box. But again, curiosity overcame her and she opened the box. There was nothing in the box but deadly slumber. (Don't despair, this story has a happy ending!)
Cupid, who really loved Psyche all the while, came upon her lifeless body. He forgave Psyche and swept the deadly slumber back into the box. The gods then made Psyche a goddess.
At this point it is appropriate to say "and they all lived happily ever after". Oh, by the way, if he hits you with one of his arrows, you too will live happily ever after!
Note: There are many versions of the story of Cupid and Psyche. The basic theme is the same, but details of the myth vary.
Did you know? Cupid is sometimes shown blindfolded. Why?...Because love is blind!

Quote of the Week

"The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment."

~ Anthony Robbins ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 2/6/08

2008-02-12T12:37:00.000-08:00

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstances."

~ Bruce Barton (American Congressman, 1886-1967) ~

As you read today's quote what comes to mind? Do you have a strong belief in yourself? For many of us, the answer might be "no." Perhaps we have tried and failed one too many times--and our self-belief waivers. Perhaps we too often compare ourselves to others and instead of recognizing our unique value - we see only the missing pieces.

Here is the good news: That is your choice. And if that is your choice, then you have the ability to choose otherwise. Okay, so perhaps it sounds simpler than it is, but you are well on your way because this is the 3rd day you have opened your Good Morning e-mail.

The most effective way to develop self-belief (or self-confidence) is through taking action steps that demonstrate we are worthwhile. Reading this Good Morning and writing the affirmation (you are writing them, right?) is one great example.

Your Turn:

Make a list of 10 things that are wonderful about you. Keep this in a place you will see it often. Add to it regularly. (Side note: I don't create these exercise for fun - I have created them because they work. Are you working them?)

Your affirmation:

I am a wonderful person filled with one-of-a-kind
value, worth and love.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to my friend Soja Boehm from Switzerland for sharing this unique story about the Friendship between a Crow and a Kitten.

To watch the video, click on the following link:

http://www.animalsspeak.org/viewtopic.php?t=257

Life Improvement Tips

Creating Healthy Boundaries (Part I)

Healthy personal boundaries are essential to healthy relationships. Unfortunately, many people have trouble establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries. This month we will explore boundaries.

Jane started a new job recently. She likes her co-workers and her job, but she is not sure about her boss. Pete, her new boss, has been gossiping about all of the people in the company. Pete has given her the rundown on all the co-workers including how his personal opinions about each one. He has even asked for Jane's advice on how to deal with one of Jane's co-workers. Jane feels very uncomfortable with Pete and she is not sure what to do.

Harry shared private information about his marital problems with Frank in confidence. Frank later shared this information with Joe. Joe asks Harry how he is doing with his marital difficulties. Harry is mad and feels betrayed.

Rose had a colleague, Bob, who occasionally put his hands on her shoulders when he was in her office. Rose felt uncomfortable with Bob's touch.

What do these stories have in common? All of them involve boundary violations. Pete was sharing inappropriate information with a supervisee. If Pete needs to discuss how to handle an employee, then he should seek out someone who is at the same level in the organization as he is. Frank violated a boundary by sharing private information with Joe. Bob violated Rose's boundaries by touching her without permission.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are what separate you from others. Boundaries provide emotional and physical space between you and others. They are the limits you set for how you want to be treated. They are invisible lines that you draw to define yourself and your space. Healthy boundaries help keep you safe, allow you to create intimate relationships, and promote integrity. You have both external and internal boundaries.

Next week we will explore external boundaries.

Create a great week!

~ Kirsten ~

Career Tips

Your Career Audit (Part One)

Do you have a strategic career plan? Do you know where you want to be one year from now? How about 3, 5 and 10 years from now? Now is a great time of year to conduct a "career audit." A career audit is your opportunity to assess how your professional life is going. It allows you to identify what is going well and areas in which you'd like to adjust course.

To begin your career audit, carefully assess your current job. This includes pinpointing what is going well and what you'd like to be even better. For the things that are going well, take time to pat yourself on the back for your successes. Write them out and keep them close at hand in your success file. (Keeping your accomplishments on file will help when it comes time for your annual review.)

~ Maret ~

Relationships 101

For Singles (Part 1)

5 Key Questions for Creating Your 2008 Attraction Plan for Dating

It's time for a new beginning, turning over a new leaf, and for renewing our hope of finding love this year. Now is the time to think about how you want 2008 to be for you. You get to create what you feel is possible for you. Here are some relationship questions and suggestions from your relationship coach to get you thinking about what you want to attract into your life this year.

How would you envision your life to look in January 2008, a year from now? What values and characteristics do you want your romantic partner to have?

Here, I am asking you to close your eyes and see your life a year from now. If you see it, then you can work toward your vision. Once you have visualized what you want, it's important to make it real by creating a picture of it or putting together a collage of what you want your life to look like and what qualities you want your romantic partner to embody.

For instance, when I was single, I made a picture (a very primitive one!) of a male and female stick figure dancing. This is my representation of what my boyfriend (eventual husband) and I would be doing. It turns out even though my husband didn't really dance, he was willing to learn! So my vision did turn into reality after all.

Next week, we'll continue our Key Questions For Creating Your 2008 Attraction Plan For Dating.

Quote of the Week

"What you must dare is to be yourself."

~ Dag Hammarskjold ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 1/30/08

2008-02-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

"What a beautiful name, {Insert Your Name Here}. {Insert Your Name Here}, you are fabulous. {Insert Your Name Here}, you are one of the most creative, talented people we know. {Insert Your Name Here}, lots of people love you. You are smart, beautiful and intelligent, {Insert Your Name Here}. {Insert Your Name Here}, we enjoy working with you."

How did it feel to start your day by reading that paragraph with your name in it? I found I had a smile on my face! Starting our day with affirmations and positive statements puts us in a positive mindset for the day ahead Recently I met with a group of women in Orlando. We were discussing how important the Good Morning service is to them and how they rely on it for a positive start. We were also discussing what to do with all of our favorite quotes. A few ideas I wanted to share:

1. Type up your favorite quotes or write them neatly. Take them to a copy shop and have them laminated or purchase self-laminating paper at an office store. Read through them each morning to get your day off to a great start. Pick on to carry with you daily.2. Consider putting your favorite quotes as wallpaper on your computer or a screen show so they change regularly throughout the day.

Your Turn:

Are you regularly using positive affirmations that "speak" to you? Start a quote collection to inspire and encourage you.

Your affirmation:

I take time to nurture and encourage myself with positive words.

A special 'Thank you!' to my wonderful friend Janet Starkey who wanted to share this beautiful movie with my Readers!

To view the movie, visit:

http://www.blessyoumovie.com/

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to my wonderful friend Jackie Davis from Richmond, VA for this inspirational story!

You Have Two Choices

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply: "If I were any better, I would be twins!" Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. Why? Because Jerry was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day Jerry was always there telling him how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him. "I don't get it!" No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today. I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood. I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens I can choose to be victim or can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life." "But it's not always that easy," I protested. "Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. It's your choice how you live your life."

Several years later, I heard that Jerry accidentally did something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business. He left the back door of his restaurant open and then in the morning, he was robbed by three armed men. While Jerry was trying to open the safe box, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door, "Jerry replied. "Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live." "Weren't you scared" I asked. Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man." I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything." "Yes, to bullets" I replied. Over their laughter I told them: I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it. The only thing that is truly yours - that no one can control or take from you - is your attitude. So if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.

Life Improvement Tips

4 People To Avoid - Is It You?

Outrageous lifestyles of the very successful are envied by most of the world. Are you part of the envied? Or are you part of the envying? If you are living a successful life by your own standards, congratulations. If you haven't quite reached that level yet, then this article is for you. There are several characteristics that those who practice successful living possess. The characteristics listed below are NOT any of them. In fact, they are the opposite. See if you possess these characteristics and, if you do, my advice to you is - change.

The Dreadful Dud

The dreadful dud is the person who answers questions with one word. Any time there is anyone who wants to initiate a conversation with the Dreadful Dud, the conversation is dead before it gets started. These people are not mean or necessarily rude. They just don't believe they have much to contribute, so they cut it short as much as possible. Consequently, the conversations become fewer and fewer.
Eventually, the Dreadful Dud gets the reputation of the dull guy or girl. Or you might say he or she is a dud. Don't be a dud. Practice your natural personality. Did you know that you were created to enjoy life? Did you know that life is meant to be tasted? There are juices inside to be experienced. When was the last time you took a chance? Live life as it's something to be loved. Practice makes perfect. Practice passion. Practice charisma. It's who you really are.

The Social Soloist

The Social Soloist is the person who never begins to live and love life. This person finds him/herself at home, alone, on the couch, every night, watching silly reality programs. The Social Soloist finds purpose in who is going to have to eat the next set of buffalo testicles or who is going to be kicked off an island.
The irony of the whole thing is the Social Soloist is at home experiencing nothing while he/she watches those who are actually living and loving life. Does that make sense? Instead of trying to escape through the boob tube, get out and meet people. If you must start small, invite some people over to watch a decent movie. Eventually, it will develop into a social fun time and, who knows, it just may move out of the TV room.

The Pitiful Procrastinator

Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. Ever hear that one? How ridiculous! Have you ever known anyone that lived by this motto? How frustrating! The Pitiful Procrastinator always finds him/herself stressed out and behind in life. Why? They keep putting it off! Everything is always put off until later. Nothing is ever done in time. And when it eventually gets done, it's shoddy and half-way completed. They just want to hurry up and get over with - whatever "it" is.
Laundry. Homework. Dishes. Meetings. Confrontation. Putting gas in the car. Changing Careers. You name it, it never gets done when it needs to get done. Life will pass the Pitiful Procrastinator by. And when it's too late to make up his/her mind, regret will take hold. Do not let regret arise and dominate your mind. Instead, take control of your mind right now. Make a freakin list and stick by it! Don't fall prey to the practice of the Pitiful Procrastinator. Remember, practice makes perfect.

The Unknown Optimist

These people have such positive energy they could suck the life out of the room if they were to make a phone call during a New Years Eve party. While everyone is having such a good time, making plans and looking forward to the future, the unknown optimist looks to the dark side. The unknown optimist looks to the dark side of everything. If you were to tell this person that he just one $1,000.000.00, he would say something like, "Great! Now I'm going to be in a higher tax bracket and have to pay more taxes."
The unknown optimist lives in a vacuum that you do not want to live in. It's the "everything sucks" vacuum. Take inventory of your overall attitude. Don't take the extreme opposite route either. If you go to the opposite extreme, you'll find yourself on the Pollyanna platform. A great place to be is in the realistic but optimistic middle. While you're there, be sure to live and love life.

~ Jeff ~

Relationships 101

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy relationships, the difference between the two may be difficult to decipher.
Healthy relationships are relationships that add to our well being, not subtract. They bring out the best of us by being supportive of our goals and our inner selves. Unhealthy relationships often cause us stress and subtract from our well being, often leaving us feeling depleted of energy.

Common symptoms of unhealthy relationships include sickness, stress, and a negative outlook of ourselves and our world around us. People who are accustomed to unhealthy relationships often stay cornered in situations like this because they do not recognize that there is another way of living. They might continue the unhealthy relationship indefinitely and never seek a better way of life for themselves or they may leave the unhealthy relationship, but not the pattern.
The life pattern is essentially the root of the problem. The pattern may have stemmed from family upbringing or any other form of influential relationship. The key is to recognize the behavior and identify where it is coming from.

A creative way to assess your patterns is to write it down. Take out a notebook that you know you will keep for years to come. Write down all the major relationships that you have had in your life. Your earliest form of relationship more than likely was a family member or someone acting in this form. Note how they showed you love. Then note how you reciprocated that love. Continue in a chronological order with any additional relationships you have had, i.e. friends, personal and love relationships.

Next make a column on your right hand side. Re-read your assessments in order, as you read through them determine whether they were healthy or unhealthy and mark it down in your right hand column. Having an overview of your relationships right before your eyes makes it easier to look at. You may actually bring issues to attention that you were not aware of before. For some this may even be a rather emotional exercise, but be reminded it is an exercise encouraging growth and healthy behavior.

Whatever your circumstance take time to assess your own involvements and choices with relationships. Do you always pick a controlling relationship? Or do you always pick a relationship where you are the enabler? Are you respecting your own boundaries while you are in a relationship or are they being sacrificed? Are you always compromising your time and energy to please another? Or are you always compromising your morals or beliefs? Are you maintaining a balance with yourself and other activities? Or are you focusing so much on the other person that you are not taking care of other obligations and priorities?

All of these questions will help you identify the quality of choices you are making when you are choosing relationships. Once you identify your pattern, you can no longer deny an unhealthy relationship. Awareness will make your own behavior and the unhealthy relationship even more difficult to tolerate.

Once you identify your patterns and bring it fourth into awareness, the next process is change. Granted the other party involved will not always agree or like the change that you are going to make, but you have to take action for yourself. In the long run you both will suffer if even one of you is unhappy.

How can we avoid unhealthy relationships? By learning to love and care for ourselves regardless of whether or not someone is in our lives. Once we identify our own needs we can easily work with others feelings without interfering with our own. When we establish a relationship with ourselves, we no longer have to have needy relationships. Instead we can re-teach ourselves to have giving relationships.

Follow your intuition. If something doesn t feel right to you with a relationship then pay attention to those feelings. They are there for a reason. Some people can grow together inside their relationships and some may have to grow apart. The key is to look at ourselves and our relationships in their truest light.

Know that each one of us is entitled to have a loving relationship or friendship. We are worthy of receiving love just as we are worthy of giving it. True partnership fills our cups with abundance, joy, and solidarity, a gift that multiplies within our hearts and our families .

~Heather~

Quote of the Week

"Every day holds the possibility of a miracle."

~ Elizabeth David ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 1/23/08

2008-01-29T10:44:00.000-08:00

"Never forget that the first step in getting help is asking for it."
~ Brook ~

We are not Super Woman - she had a cape. Most super-heroes even have sidekicks, Batman has Robin, Super Man can count on Lois Lane, Luke Skywalker has Yoda and Obi-One. I don't know why so many women feel the need to be Super Woman or "do it all on their own." While it might seem that makes us more "independent," or "strong," it doesn't make a lot of sense if you step back a minute and think about it. How many people in this world operate completely independent, capable of doing it all themselves? I can't think of a successful CEO who isn't backed by talented executives. I am unaware of a politician that isn't helped by aides or campaign managers. Schools and churches have boards for guidance. So why do we think that we can, or should, "do it all?"Instead of striving to "do it all" or "beating yourself up" when you can't do it all--switch to a "team spirit" mentality. Find supportive players to be a part of your team and ask for help when you need it. Doing everything ourselves doesn't makes us "stronger," it makes us lonelier and needlessly stressed.

Your Turn:

How have you tried to "do it all" in your life? What were the results? Who can be a part of your support team? Who can you ask for help?

Your affirmation:

Today I let go of trying to "do it all" and focus on building a network of support and encouragement.

Additional note from Helena: "This is a little reminder for me, too!"

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to I.Brennen from Richmond, VA!
She sent me recently an Example Test of the New US Citizenship Test as a little reminder of my wonderful memories of becomeing an US Citizen on December 19th, 2007!

Would you pass the test?

To take a sample test, visit:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21019797/from/ET/

Life Improvement Tips

Are You Afraid To Try Something New?

"When you have come to the edge of all that you know and are about to step off into the darkness, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly." - Richard Bach

It's pretty normal for all of us to feel hesitant when we want to try something new. The underlying fear of failure is crippling. There are some who even fear getting what they want and finding out that it's not really as great as they dreamed it to be.

The first fear is totally understandable but there are some ways to go about it. Focus on trying something that's simple and realistic first. It can be a new recipe; the new computer software or even the basics of a new language. The object of the game is to learn something to stimulate your senses and if you master it, think of the energy boost you'll get! Slowly, you'll start getting the courage to try something else - it could be another simple thing or a bit more complicated. A few more of these and you'll be confident enough to try whatever goals you want to accomplish.
The second fear can be re-worded as the fear of disappointment and is altogether as real as the fear of failure is. Some unfortunate thing probably happened after you achieved a dream that scared you to try something else. Your psyche associated the terrible outcome - a divorce, a disaster or a death - in the family with the achievement. Or it could be a dozen other different reasons. Whatever it was, you got trapped in the status quo. A psychological counselor can help those who've reached the point that this fear becomes a phobia but to those who can still recognize that they want to change, there's still hope. Again, if there's a will to change however slight it may be, there will be a way to do it. A single baby step toward a new goal is great - nobody expects a power walk at the first try anyway.

Whatever fear you have, challenge yourself to face the obstacles. Problems are always there and so are their solutions.

One thing easy to do that can help a lot is to have some sort of a mantra or an affirmation like: "I want to ____ and I choose to do ____ to achieve this."

It verbalizes your thoughts and helps you focus on the correct way to pull it off. There will be times when you'll encounter some setbacks but take it slow, cut yourself some slack and try again. Eventually, you'll get it.

~ Jeff ~

Career Tips

How To Ask Your Boss for a Raise

Feeling overworked and underpaid? If you're starting to feel like you deserve a raise, here are eight DO's and DON'Ts to build your confidence and tact (and what to avoid!) in asking for the salary you feel you deserve.

DO:

1. Devise a "Plan of Action".

First and foremost, get a strategy together. Make a note of the specific projects you've undertaken and the results you've accomplished. List all of your job skills and the features that make you an asset to this company. Find out what a typical raise is for someone with your experience in your area of occupation. Know the facts and be realistic in your request.

2. Ask for an amount that's slightly higher than one you would be happy with.

If you would be happy with a 5% raise, ask for one a couple of points above it. That way, if your boss starts to negotiate, you won't feel as if your worth has been diluted any by getting less than what you feel you deserve.

3. Remember, your boss shouldn't be the only one negotiating.

If your company is going through a slow period or the economy is down, try to be flexible and know how to respond if your boss suggests a lower amount than what you may have been expecting. Consider other ways of getting a raise too, such as additional vacation time, employee perks or more time off. All of these can be just as good (if not better!) than an actual amount of money.

4. Choose a specific day and time to meet with your supervisor about your raise request.

Avoid choosing a Monday or Friday when bosses are at their busiest. Studies have actually shown that people are more receptive on a Tuesday or Wednesday after lunch. That way, they're not thinking about the weekend or their stomachs while you're getting up the nerve to ask about a raise! If you're afraid of being interrupted during your request, ask to speak to your supervisor for a few minutes after hours.

DON'T:

1. Raise your tone of voice if your boss objects to your raise at first.

Remember, he or she is paying you to do a certain job, and you're asking for more money to do the same job. Be professional and polite at all times, and listen more than demand. Chances are, if your supervisor doesn't award you a raise, they might hint at what else could be done to earn it. If they don't, don't be afraid to ask what steps would be necessary to "prove yourself".

2. Threaten with quitting if you don't get the raise or telling your boss you have another job offer unless you actually do.

He may just call your bluff and let you go!

3. Stumble or beat around the bush with your request.

Be straightforward and confident. You are a valuable member of a team and the supervisor hired you because they obviously thought you were the best qualified. If you have "Thank You" notes from customers or letters from the company praising you for a job well done, bring those to your meeting as well, as they'll help to cement your request and remind your supervisor of your role within the company and its progress.

4. Compare yourself to, or talk negatively about your coworkers or others in a position higher than you.

You may think that this will put you in a positive light when it comes to a promotion or a raise, but to your boss, it shows that if you have a poor attitude toward your colleagues, you'll keep the same poor attitude if you are promoted.

Remember, be confident, professional and tactful. If the boss says "no" or wants to "think about it", open his mind to further consideration by volunteering to do more at the office. Stay an extra hour or help another team on a critical project. This demonstrates that you're willing to "tow the mark" rather than giving your boss the impression of "gimme the money first and THEN I'll work".

Good luck!

~ Jeff ~

Relationships 101

Ideas For Fun Things To Do On A Date

Need an idea for what to do on a date? Here's how to go about finding ideas for new and unusual dates that are enjoyable and memorable.

The three most usual choices for what to do on a date are dinner, a movie, and a public event such as a sports game or concert. Those activities often give the couple several hours of time to enjoy each other's company. But relying on those same activities too often leads to a loss of the sense of drama and importance of the time spent together.

Human nature craves the out-of-the-ordinary. A new experience raises awareness and often contributes greatly to our ability to enjoy ourselves. If a couple continues to occasionally find new and unusual choices for what to do, their time together will be more enjoyable.

Probably the best way to find new ideas for what to do for a date is to make a point of being on the lookout for possibilities. You never know when an idea will present itself. You might see something in the newspaper or in a magazine. Someone you know could share an idea they have had. Your own hobbies and interests might suggest something. Something you did, perhaps years ago, could inspire ideas for a new activity. You might remember some idea you had but never got around to doing.

You should also actively search for new and unusual things to do. A great place to look is web sites about things you are interested in. The local visitors' bureau is a possible source. Look in the community events section of your newspaper. Look through the brochures at the Chamber of Commerce. Look in the yellow pages under headings such as canoes, hiking, and art museums. Check the bulletin board at the library. Use your imagination to adapt what you see at those places to your own interests and tastes.

Keep a list of possible activities. Have a place to keep information such as brochures, maps, and visitors' guides. Set up folders in your computer for storing information you have found online. Use Notepad to copy and paste just what is of interest to you.

Be open to any suggestions and preferences your partner has to offer. Try to be sensitive to his/her tastes and interests. Give almost as much importance to his/her enjoyment of the date as your own enjoyment. After all, you probably won't enjoy the date if your partner doesn't.

Try to choose activities that give enough opportunities for communication. Conversation and comments you and your date make to each other are often the most important part of the date.

Couples who are recent acquaintances need to find out each other's values and interests. Couples who have been together a long time need reassurance and the stimulation of each other's ideas.
Pursue your own interests.

Being passionate about something makes you more interesting. Finally, stay informed to stay interesting.

Keep up with current events and issues. Listen to the news and news commentary programs.

One good source I like is the web sites of National Public Radio.

~Alan~

Quote of the Week

"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are."

~ Thomas Dreier ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 1/16/08

2008-01-29T09:59:00.000-08:00

"Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you."

~ Wally Famous' Amos ~

Want a quick way to measure how you feel about yourself and what type of attitude you have? Answer this question: how do you see the world around you today?If you see the world as scary, worrisome, negative or stressful--odds are you are holding these feelings within. Likewise, if you see the world as hopeful, optimistic and joy-filled, you likely embrace those feelings within.We can't capture the invisible. If we desire a life of peace, contentment and happiness but cannot feel it internally, we won't be able to find it externally.

Your Turn:

How we perceive the external is a reflection of how we feel internally. If you took a picture of the external world today, what would it reveal about you? Use this technique to keep your attitude healthy and strong. Treat yourself well--remember that how you feel will be reflected into the world and to all of those around you.

Your affirmation:

Today, I create a stronger "self" by treating myself with care, love and respect!

Life Improvement

Cut Stress out before it even happens

You often see articles on ways to unwind and relax after a stressful day, which I always find useful, but for me the most important advice would be to get to the source of the problem, and cut stress out before it even happens. By careful editing of your life, and changing certain habits, you can eliminate most (not all) sources of stress in your life. I don't believe that a stress-free life is possible. Stress is a response to challenges in life, and a life without challenges is too boring to contemplate. However, I do believe that most of the stress in our lives is unnecessary, and that it can be eliminated by taking some simple (and some not-so-simple) steps.

It can't be accomplished overnight - I've been eliminating stressors in my life for awhile now, and I'm still not done. But I think it's a worthwhile goal. Let's first take a look at an example - it's a little extreme, but it exemplifies the typical stressors in people's lives. Let's say Fred gets up in the morning, waking up late, and now has to rush to get ready. He's so rushed that he spills his coffee on his shirt and has to change, a nicks himself shaving. He heads out the door and then has to go back in the house because he forgot his wallet. He gets in the car and realizes he forgot his keys. Now he's on the way in to work and is in the middle of rush-hour traffic - and his temper starts to flare after someone cuts him off. He's honking at people, cursing, and arrives to work late and in a bad mood. He snaps at someone and is surly all morning. His desk is covered in piles of paper, and he can't find that report he needs to work on. His inbox is overflowing and his email notification is going off, and he sees he has 36 messages to respond to. He knows he's late on two projects and his boss isn't happy. He's got to finish 5 tasks before the 11 a.m. meeting, and he's got meetings all afternoon. You get the idea. His day does not go well, and he hits rush-hour traffic on the way home. He gets home late, exhausted, completely stressed, his mind still on his late and as-yet uncompleted projects, his still-full inbox and email inbox, and all the stuff piling up that he has to work on tomorrow. The house is a mess and he snaps at his family. His kids have not put things away exactly where he told them to put them away, so he begins to yell at them. He has a quick, greasy dinner in front of the TV and zones out before falling asleep late. Again, this is a bit extreme, but you can see through this illustration some of the things that stress people out. There are many more, of course, and I won't cover all of them here. But these sources of stress can be eliminated with a little thought.

Here's how:

Identify Stressors - This is the most important step of all, as identifying the things that stress you out in your life is the first step towards eliminating them. Take 10 minutes to think about what stresses you out during the day. What weekly occurrences stress you out? What people, activities, things cause stress in your life? Make a Top 10 list, and see which of them can be eliminated, and start to weed them out. For those that can't, find ways to make them less stressful.

Eliminate Unnecessary Commitments - I did a post on editing your commitments before - apply those concepts here. We all have many commitments in our life, starting with work but also including commitments related to kids, our spouses, things to do at home, other family, civic, side work, religious, hobbies, online activities and more. Consider each of them, the amount of stress they provide, and the value you get out of them. Edit brutally, and take steps today to remove the ones that stress you out the most.

Procrastination - We all do this, of course. But allowing stuff to pile up will stress us out. Find ways to take care of stuff now (form a Do It Now habit) and keep your inbox and desk clear.

See 20 Procrastination Hacks for more ideas.

Disorganization - We're all disorganized to some extent. Even if we've organized something, and created a great system for keeping it that way, things tend to move towards chaos over time. But disorganization stresses us out, in terms of visual clutter, and in making it difficult to find stuff we need. Take time to get things in your life organized, starting with your desk and the papers in your home, and moving on to other areas.

Being Late - Being late always stresses us out. We have to rush to get ready, rush to get there, and stress out the whole time about looking bad and being late. Learn the habit of being early, and this stress disappears. Make a conscious effort to start getting ready earlier, and to leave earlier. This also makes driving less stressful. Time yourself to see how long it actually takes to get ready, and how long it actually takes to get somewhere. You've probably been underestimating these times. Once you know these times, you can plan backwards so that you show up 10 minutes early each time. It's a good feeling.

Controlling - We are not the Master of this Universe. I know we sometimes wish we were, but acting as if we are is a sure way to get stressed out. Trying to control situations and people cannot work, and only serves to increase our anxiety when it doesn't work. Learn to let go, and accept the way that other people do things, and accept what happens in different situations. The only thing you can control is yourself - work on that before you consider trying to control the world. Also learn to separate yourself from tasks and to delegate them. Learning to let go of our need to control others and the situations around us is a major step towards eliminating stress.

Multitasking - Having multiple tasks going on at the same time might seem productive, but in actuality it slows us down from actually focusing on a task and completing it - and it stresses us out in the meantime. Learn to single-task.

Eliminate Energy Drains - If you've analyzed your life (in Step 1) and found things that stress you out, you might have also noticed things that drain your energy. Certain things in our life just cause us to be more exhausted than others, with less value. Identify them, and cut them out. You'll have much more energy and much less stress. Happiness ensues.

Avoid Difficult People - You know who they are. If you take a minute to think about it, you can identify all the people in your life - bosses, coworkers, customers, friends, family, etc. - who make your life more difficult. Now, you could confront them and do battle with them, but that will most certainly be difficult. Just cut them out of your life.

Simplify Life - Simplifying, of course, is a major theme of Zen Habits. Simplify your routines, your commitments, your information intake, your cluttered rooms, the mass of stuff going on in your life - and have less stress as a result. Start with Edit Your Life and then look through the other simplicity articles.

Unschedule - Create more open periods of time in your life. It's not necessary to schedule every minute of our lives. Learn to avoid meetings, keep wide open blocks of time where we either work on our important tasks or batch process the smaller ones. When someone asks to schedule a meeting, first try to get it done through email or phone - if that doesn't work, avoid having it scheduled. Ask them to call you and see if you're free at that time. You will love having an open schedule.

Slow Down - Instead of rushing through life, learn to take things slow. Enjoy your food, enjoy the people around you, enjoy nature. This step alone can save tons of stress.

Help Others - It may sound contradictory to add more tasks to your life by trying to help other people (you've got enough to do), but if you were to add anything to your life, this should be it. Helping others, whether volunteering for a charity organization or just making an effort to be compassionate towards people you meet, not only gives you a very good feeling, it somehow lowers your stress level. Of course, this doesn't work if you try to control others, or help others in a very rushed and frenetic way - learn to take it easy, enjoy yourself, and let things happen, as you work to make the lives of others better.

Relax Throughout The Day - It's important to take mini-breaks during your work day. Stop what you're doing, massage your shoulders and neck and head and hands and arms, get up and stretch, walk around, drink some water. Go outside and appreciate the fresh air and the beautiful sky. Talk to someone you like. Life doesn't have to be all about productivity. You should also avoid using online activity too much as your de-stressing activity - get away from the computer to relax.

Quit Work - This one's drastic, and probably too drastic for most. But in most likelihood, your work is your absolute biggest stressor. Getting out of your 9-to-5, automating your income, and finding something you truly love to do, that you're passionate about, will create a positive life and much less stressful one at that. Give it a little thought before dismissing it - there might be possibilities here you haven't considered.

Simplify Your To-do List - I've written about this before, but attempting to do everything on your long to-do list will definitely stress you out. Learn to simplify your to-do list down to the few essential tasks, and you will enjoy the process much more.

Exercise -This is common advice for stress relief, and that's because it works - but it's also a stress prevention method. Exercising helps relieve the stress buildup, it gives you some quiet time to contemplate and relax, and just as importantly, it makes you more fit. A fitter person is better equipped to handle stress. Another important factor: being unhealthy can be a major stressor (especially once you have to go to the hospital), and exercise can help prevent that.

Eat Healthy - This goes hand-in-hand with exercise as a stress prevention method, of course. Become healthier and a major source of stress will disappear. Also, I've found that greasy food, for me, puts me in a worse mood and can contribute to stress levels immediately.

Be Grateful - This might not be as obvious as some of the others, but developing an attitude of gratitude (I sound like a preacher with that rhyme!) is a way of thinking positive, eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thereby reducing stress. Learn to be grateful for what you have, for the people in your life, and see it as a gift. With this sort of outlook on life, stress will go down and happiness will go up.

That's a winning formula.

Zen-like Environment - Take time to declutter your desk (as mentioned above) and even once you do that, continually edit your desk and working space, and the things in your home, until you've created a simple, peaceful, Zen-like environment. It will be much less stressful to work in an environment like that than a more cluttered and distracting one.

~ Leo ~

Relationship 101

7 Keys To Better Relationships

Would you like to enhance the quality of your life and increase your personal happiness? If you answered "yes," the information in this article could change your life!

Isn't it easy to get stuck in the everydayness of life? We can get so busy making a living and getting ahead financially that the really important things fall through the cracks!

That can happen to all of us. However, when people come to the end of their lives, they don't wish they had spent more time making money. When all is said and done, we want our family and friends to be with us then!

So let's try to focus on developing better relationships instead of acquiring more things. Think of your circle of family and friends as a lovely garden to water and cultivate. The book of Proverbs teaches this crucial truth: "A man that has friends must show himself friendly" (Proverbs 18:24).

Here are 7 keys that will help your relationships to bloom:

1. Spend time with your friends and loved ones.

Although this is obvious, we need to intentionally set aside time in our schedules for them no matter how busy we think we are. Put appointments with friends and family into your daytimer or palm pilot. If you don't do this, you may forget and months and even years can go by without seeing these special people. The sad fact is that those relationships can dry up and wither away from neglect.
Many marriages fail for just this reason. People are often too busy to spend enough time with each other and one or both of the partners can't take the neglect. If you want your relationships to bloom, you have to water them with quality time. How long would a rose garden be lush and beautiful if no one watered it for days without end?

2. Genuinely appreciate the special people in your life.

Tell them how much they mean to you. Mention their good qualities and how special they are. For example, if you need to correct your children's behavior, be sure to spend twice as much time appreciating their positive qualities than reprimanding their negative ones.

3. Learn to say, "I was wrong. Please forgive me."

This will do wonders for your relationships. Humility is a beautiful quality in any person. Someone who thinks he or she is always right can be impossible to live with. If your habitual attitute is "I'm ALWAYS right," that's a poisonous plant that will spread and ruin your entire garden. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness when we've done something wrong does not degrade us. Instead it shows that we are growing up.

4. Be quick to forgive and don't hold grudges.

Bury the past. Bitterness never helped anyone. It only hurts the bitter person. Don't let the agressive weeds of unforgiveness spoil your garden. Try not to crush tender relationship plants by being harsh and unforgiving.

5. Learn to say "thank you" a lot.

Everyone loves to be appreciated for what he or she has done instead of being taken for granted. You may be thrilled by the vibrant blossoms of encouragement that will result from taking time to say "thank you."

6. Listen more than you talk.

In a game of tennis it would be very strange for one of the players to bounce the ball up and down on his or her side instead of hitting the ball back to the other player. The same could be said for the game of ping pong. These games teach a powerful lesson. If you are always talking and other people don't have a chance to get a word in edgewise, you won't be very popular for long.

7. Go out of your way to help others in practical ways.

If a friend is in the hospital, go visit him. If a neighbor is going through a difficult financial time, bring groceries over to help tide him or her through the crisis.
If you follow these simple but powerful suggestions for nurturing your relationships, you yourself will also reap benefits in the form of increased happiness, pep and vitality. That's because our relationships are far more important to our wellbeing than how much money we make or how well we're doing climbing the corporate ladder.

Why not take a personal inventory of your life today?

Put these suggestions into practice and become more effective in cultivating your special relationships.

Happy gardening!

~ Patricia ~

Quote of the Week

"We may go to the moon, but that's not very far. The greatest distance we have to cover still lies within us."

~ Charles de Gaulle ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 1/9/08

2008-01-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

Newsletter 1/9/08

"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you."

~ Anonymous ~

How often do you spend time comparing yourself to others? Perhaps measuring your success, health, will power, determination, wealth, beauty? Let me ask you this - what good can that possibly do? We cannot know the exact circumstances of another. We cannot understand their shoes for we have not walked in them. And at the end of the day, "No one in the entire word can do a better job of being you than you."

Your Turn:

As you find yourself comparing yourself to others, re-read this quote. The world would certainly be boring if we were all clones of one another. Do not relish in other's success or envy their efforts. Instead, relish in who you are and your unique offerings to our world.

Your affirmation:

I do not compare myself to others. There is a beauty and uniqueness that only I can offer the world!

Life Improvement Tips

How To Eliminate Your Self-Doubt

Are these familiar dialogues for you: "I don't have the nerve to try that!" or "that's too risky!" or "I'm not sure I can do that" etc? Are you one of those people who always doubt your own ability? Well, you're not alone. A lot of people do not have confidence in themselves. Every change in the normal way of life gets a ton of introspection and most of the time, self-doubt wins and not trying seems safer. However, safe doesn't always mean best; sooner or later you'll get depressed always being stuck on a rut. You have to reduce these self-doubts in order to move ahead.

It will help if you can figure out why you feel wimpy all the time. Is it because of a past mistake that crippled you so much? Are you afraid to end up like someone you knew who took too much risk? Were you told often by authority figures - parents, sibling, teachers or officers - that you don't and can't amount to anything? You've probably heard it so often that you believed it as the universal truth all the time.

Deep down you know it's not true, right? Not all risks will result into failure and you can avoid making the same mistake your friend did. Silence the inner critic in you then. You don't have to listen to past criticisms. Nor should you judge all your other abilities based on a single failure. Instead draw on your strengths and keep them in mind. Granted, it's not going to be easy. But you can take baby steps and not leap into anything that you're not ready for.

Start by cataloging your positives. Take out a sheet of paper and list the things that you know you can do. Fill it up from the whimsical - able to juggle four balls in the air, for example - to the downright great ones like a good grasp of grammar. Look back and try to remember how you learned those skills. Some of them were probably inherited or something that you learned instinctively. But the rest were skills that you got only thru experience. Therefore, you must have tried it before and found out that you can do it. That list becomes physical proof that you are someone who can do something and by the same token, can do a lot more if you can just get out of your safety zone and try something new again.

Banish those self-doubts and see how high you can fly.

Right now. I mean it.

Why are you still here?

~ Jeff ~

Career Tips

Don't Lose Your Job After An Argument With Your Boss!

Arthur is known for being a temperamental person. One day, his impulses failed to save him. He got involved in a heated and intense argument with none other than his boss.

The situation was so flaringly intense. Everyone in the office fell mum and shocked. Many opted to pretend that they did not to hear and see anything, although majority of them had their ears glued to the door and heard the exchange of hot and flaming words between a superior and a subordinate.

Situations like these are sometimes unavoidable and come even if people never like these to happen. These incidents do happen, even under all unfavorable and awkward circumstances.
For the subordinate, the next problem now is how to fix the mess. Arguments and strained relationships with the boss are some of the most disturbing yet preventable situations confronting most employees and subordinates.

In the normal and conventional corporate setting, most employees go to the extent of kissing their boss' ass just to earn good favor and ratings from the boss.
When things happen, the usual and logical question to ask himself or herself would be, "How do I get out of this mess?"

Things are really screwed up when you get into an argument or disagreement with your boss. This can put your job at risk.

Understandably, it is hard to lose a job nowadays. The cost of living is always on the rise and you have bills to pay on a regular basis. Yearly, millions of younger and brighter new graduates are competing in the ever declining and narrowing job market.

So, what would be your best move?

When things are screwed between you and your boss, analyze the situation very carefully and try to humbly admit who is on the wrong or erring side.
If you realized that you made the terrible mistake, plan to make amends. Never burn bridges because your boss is the only way in and out of your occupation.
Professionalism would prevent your boss from firing you just because of that one instance or episode. However, the situation still depends on the gravity of your offense and the way you handled the disagreement.

If only heated words were exchanged, there is still a chance. Just make sure that you learn your lesson well. The next time a similar event occurs, make sure you have complete control on your self and never utter profane words to your boss again.

If more than just heated words were exchanged (such as the involvement of physical violence), chances are you already lost your job and you should start looking for a new one!
Making amends and admission of guilt are gestures of humility. Doing so would effectively save your face.

For sure, your boss got angry at your attitude and behavior, but this is already a given. Bosses are human too. They are also prone to impulsive reactions. The difference is that they are tasked with greater and even grave responsibilities.

Make amends by admitting your guilt or saying that you are sorry. Never burn bridges with your boss because as mentioned earlier, your boss decides if you are still in or out of the department. If saying sorry is never enough, try to give him or her little tokens.
If you decide to voluntarily leave the office, it is good to have a good closure by making peace with your boss. He could still help you by giving a referral, which you will need for your next job application, don't you think?

~ Jeff ~

Relationships 101

5 Steps To Improving Communication

"Communication is the lifeline of relationships. The health of any relationship is determined by the quality of the conversations between or among the people involved." S. DeKoven Ph.D

Like the heart in the human body, I believe that communication in relationships connect all the vital elements and sustains the life of relationships. If you don't talk and share your feelings, thoughts, ideas etc, unfortunately we were not born mind readers so we won't know what the other is thinking. Then if we don't know, how can we react properly?
Anyway, here are the 5 steps I promised.

Start With Desire

Yeah, I know, you're thinking "I already know what you're gonna say" so, I'll say it anyhow.
You will never improve your communication skills or the way you share with your partner if you don't begin with the desire to improve it. For example: If your car is dirty and you are comfortable with how it looks and don't think it needs cleaning, then regardless of what anyone says or how they feel about it, you probably won't do anything to change it.
So, if you are going to ever change or improve the way you talk and share in your relationships, then you must want to improve. Without that desire, nothing else will matter.

Learn To Listen

Do you know how most people listen to each other, especially couples?
Well, they often sit while the other person is talking waiting for a space to jump into the conversation to defend their actions, explain themselves, or explode in anger. Sometimes the problems that arise in relationships is caused by couples that rarely listen to each other.
You should listen actively and emphatically to what your partner is trying to express to you. What is she/he saying by his/her facial expressions, body language? etc. What type of feelings about this subject is he/she trying to convey? Learn to listen to more that just his/her words since we all can't often express what we're really trying to say in words alone.

Don't Assume

We often assume that we understand what our partner is trying to say and our assumptions can be dead wrong. What's worse is when we don't understand and won't ask for clarification but leave the conversation assuming that we know what was said.

Let's look at another example: Mary knocks on James' door and he opens it wearing a colorful t-shirt so she says "Wow, that's an interesting shirt you're wearing." Now James assumes mary doesn't like his shirt and angrily snaps back "I don't need your opinion or approval on what I wear." Mary sees where this is going and quickly says, "I'm sorry James, I didn't mean you shirt was ugly, what I meant was that it's a design I've never seen before and thought it was unique. I only wanted to know where I could get one like it."

Now, see how easily we could get into a fight by assuming we understand what we thought we heard? So,don't assume. Let the speaker clafify what they said if you didn't understand.

Study Words

No, I don't mean go out and buy a dictionary to study, I meant the words your partner uses to explain or relate his/her feelings to you. You're in this relationship with him/her right?, so invest some time learning what he/she means when they say certain things. Remember, the same words can mean different things to different people so it's important that you understand what different words mean to your partner.

For example: A man might say "we're in a casual relationship" and mean I'm not committed to you but just checking my options for a stable partner; To a woman that same thing might mean, we're seeing each other and are committed but are not ready for marriage as yet.
So, this is your partner, take the time to study what he/she means by saying certain things for this will make your sharing experience much more pleasant.

Response Patterns

What the hell are you talking about???
Hold on, just keep your shirt on, I'll explain.
You see it is known that our basic coping patterns is that when certain situations arise we either fight or run; it is known as the fight or flight pattern. Well, there are some subjects that trigger these same reactions in your partner for any number of reason, so, you should be aware of these triggers.

Sometimes in sharing you might bring up topics or feelings that scare your partner and put them into a flight situation where they close-up and evade sharing or it might be something that touches a painful memory and out them into a defensive mode, you need to learn how to either carefully back off or gently probe for answers.

Anyway, learning how your partner responds to certain things while communicating with them will not only cause them to become more comfortable sharing with you, but may also open close door in your relationship.

~ Conrad ~

Quote of the Week

"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility." ~ Oprah Winfrey ~

Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 1/2/08

2008-01-08T14:06:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter January 2nd, 2008!

Happy New Year!

I hope you spent the beginning of the new exciting Year surrounded of your loved ones! I celebrated my 1st New Year as an American Citizen ( I got my Citizenship on December 19th, 2007!)

I am greatful for my wonderful Family, Friends, Colleagues, Clients and Athletes that add many amazing moments and little miracles to my rich life.

I wanted to thank you all for making a difference in my life!

God Bless America!

"And what are you prepared to do?"

~ Sean Connery, The Untouchables~

Here it is in all its glory - 2008 - 366 days, 8784 hours, waiting for your exploration. There is no denying that the world changes dramatically over 12 months (often it changes dramatically overnight)!

When you stand in this space a year from now, what will you be saying as you reflect on 2008? We have explored ambitions, goals, challenges, dreams and resolutions. Now, at the beginning of January, let's each take a moment to answer this great movie quote:

"What are we prepared to do?"

Let the action begin! 2008 is here, let there be no delay, pursue the life you have imagined with abundance.

Your Turn:

Spend some quiet moments today reflecting on where you will be one year from now. Answer the question of what actions you are committed and willing to take in order to get to that place. Then take a first step. Do not hesitate. Run toward your dreams - they are waiting.

Your affirmation:

I am ready and prepared and greet 2008 with enthusiastic expectations!

Readers share with Readers

Today, I would like to share some of my favorite Holiday Grand-Children Pictures with you. I am a proud Grama of Nick (7), Drew (who celebrates his 4th birthday TODAY!) and Owen (9 months)

Nick (7) and Drew (Happy 4th Birthday!) Bohannan

Owen Collin Shull (9 months)

For more pictures, visit my Blogspot at:

http://nymanmygrandchildren.blogspot.com/

Life Improvement Tips

You Want to Succeed? - Get Uncomfortable.

As an Exercise Scientist and Trainer I have spent much of the last twenty-five years helping people change their body. Smaller, bigger, lighter, leaner, more muscle, more flexibility, speed, power... Athletes, non-athletes, kids, mums, dads.....whatever they were after; that's what I did my best to deliver.Early in my career I discovered that whether or not someone achieved their desired goals had very little to do with what was possible, or their genetic potential, and everything to do with their ability to deal with discomfort.They say that every decision we make in life is in an effort to avoid pain, or gain pleasure.We choose to eat the cake because we associate cake with pleasure.We choose to avoid the dentist because we associate the dentist with pain.We choose to stay in a bad relationship because we associate more pain with getting out of the relationship than staying in it.But the reality is :1) we don't need the cake2) we do need the dentist and3) we should get out of that destructive relationship.If only we would give up the cake, look after our teeth and deal with our relationship (i.e. get uncomfortable) we would discover that the short-term pain/discomfort would make way for a whole new world of possibilities and a whole new level of growth, understanding and achievement.Some personal-power muscles.Lesson 1. Change is usually uncomfortable.If you want an amazing life and you're all about creating positive change, then learn to deal with, if not embrace, discomfort.Sorry Dude.Just how it is.In the science of strength training we talk about a concept called progressive resistance training or progressive overload.In simple terms, the theory is this: If you want to get stronger and continue to grow muscle (hypertrophy) you need to continually manipulate the training variables (weight, sets, reps, recovery time, technique, program design) so as to constantly and progressively 'force' your body to adapt to the ever-changing stress (all exercise is a form of stress).When we talk about changing a body, we're talking about physiological adaptation... and a body will only adapt when it has a reason to. Most people in most gyms train their body in a manner where there is no need for adaptation... that's why they typically look the same, year in, year out.Or worse.Rather than following a program or plan which is progressive in nature (causes them to get uncomfortable on a regular basis) they follow a 'maintenance program'... because it's easy and comfortable.And they love 'comfortable.'They don't want to maintain, or intend to maintain... but that's all they're doing.They will continue on their cycle of frustration and zero results until they give their body a reason to adapt or until they throw in the towel altogether.This adaptation/growth principle of exercise science can be applied to life and to our personal growth.Lesson 2.In general, a person's ability to succeed will be largely dependant on their ability to adapt (deal with discomfort and change).Life, relationships, careers, emotions, business markets, technologies, philosophies, environments are all in a constant state of evolution. This is part of the problem; we are creatures of habit and we like familiarity; we like 'same'.Lesson 3.We like the benefits of change, but we don't like the process. But it's the process, not the results, from where the real benefits come.Whether it's physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, professional, social or financial growth your after.... be prepared to get uncomfortable on a regular basis and you will dramatically improve your chances of creating your best life.By the way, the minute you make that uncomfortable decision, or do that uncomfortable thing you've been avoiding, the change process becomes instantly easier and your chances of success go through the roof ... because you got your head and heart (thinking, attitude, standards, emotions) where they need to be.And you did what you needed to do.Just like we work against resistance in the gym and we get stronger and grow muscle, those of us who work against resistance outside of the gym (problems, challenges, opposition, criticism, self doubt, insecurity, fear) get stronger and grow a different kind of muscle; emotional muscle, psychological muscle, self-control muscle, personal development muscle and spiritual muscle... and more.Now go and get uncomfortable-and grow some muscle!

Career Tips

Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Four)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.

Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many clients get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.

The clients who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, people really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.

Know What You Don't Want

To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.
This week, let's discuss your individual work style. Ask yourself this simple question:
How does my current job not support my individual work style?

For example:

· Do I want more team projects?
· Do I want more independent work assignments?
· Do I want more time for creative thought?
· Do I want more variety or less multi-tasking?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list.
I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~

Relationship 101

25 tips for relationship success

What's the key to successful relationships? Here, I reveal the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget. You could also read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet.

12. If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilise the whole family, your partner included, to share the work.

13. If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your children.

14. Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and then work at bringing the passion back.

15. Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from a one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.

16. Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.

17. Be aware that men generally feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.

18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you. For extra help, read the book, Stop Arguing Start Talking by Susan Quilliam.

19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.

20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward. Read, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher

21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.

22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.

23. Realize that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.

24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.

25. Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.

Quote of the Week

"All of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."

~ Dale Carnegie ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 12/19/07

2007-12-25T16:45:00.000-08:00

Newsletter 12/19/07

Today is a very special day for me! At 9:30am EST, I am taking my Citizenship Oath at the Courthouse in Richmond, VA to become a US Citizen!

I am filled with pride, happiness and gratitude! A life-long dream becomes reality!

God Bless America!

"Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."

~ Oscar Wilde ~

As many of us make our last minute Christmas preparations, tying ribbons and bows, I thought this Oscar Wilde quote a nice reminder about "real riches." While we give gifts and save gift receipts, let us remember that the best gift we can give doesn't fit in a box ... and it certainly doesn't need a gift receipt. It isn't the opening of the presents or the surprises inside that bring true and lasting joy. It's the moments around the edges, the laughter, the winks, the touch of one person to another. Both sadly and ironically, it is often easier to see what really matters -- when it isn't there to see. Ask a family that has lost someone this past year - and they know for certain what is missing, and they know for certain what matters, and they know for certain it isn't under the tree or tucked carefully in a package wrapped with gold ribbon. We have to learn to see love, and touch love, and make it just as visible as any other icon of the season. Perhaps if it was tangible, if we could see how fragile moments really are, we would be more careful not to drop them.

I always feel that when we lose something, we stand to gain something. Life is balance. In my search to gain, I did something new this year. Instead of opening doors on an advent calendar each day and anticipating a piece of chocolate inside, I opened my eyes to a magical moment each day. It was much more rewarding, and each day brought more than one moment. Of course, I had to open my eyes and choose to see them. Otherwise--I would have only seen another pound on the scale from some chocolates.

Your Turn:

What can you do today, and every day, to make love visible in your life? Imagine your love carefully contained within a fragile, heirloom glass ornament; imagine love from others in the same way. Handle love carefully, give it freely and treat it for what it is--the greatest gift we will ever have the power to give or receive.

Your affirmation:

Today, I make my love for others visible, realizing it is the only gift that truly matters.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you' to my Darling Husband James who wanted to share these tips with my Readers!

How to Make Small Talk-Naturally

Have you ever lingered in your car or lurked in the ladies' room or stared intently at the crudités platter - anything rather than (scary music here) talk to people you don't know at a party? Sparkling repartee doesn't come easily to all of us, and the fear of seeming fake or being labeled a bore makes it even harder to click into banter mode.

Or maybe you hate the thought of getting stuck with some blowhard whose conversational agenda boils down to "Hi! Are you as interesting as I am? Nah, I didn't think so." But the thing is, making chitchat lets us create connections of all kinds - it's how we open doors that change our lives. And it's a way to give and receive a little dose of human warmth. Read on for the smart (and angst-free) way to get the words flowing.

STEP 1: Make the first move.

"Initiating the conversation gets your adrenaline pumping, which helps erase your anxiety," explains Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk.

. Choose a person who seems approachable; someone standing by themselves is a good bet, Fine says. Then just look her in the eye, smile, and say, "Hi, I'm Kathy. What's your name?" (That very slight emphasis on "your" will engage her.)As soon as she gives her name, repeat it: "Nice to meet you, Jill." This helps lock her name into your memory - and, just as important, it also creates a bond between you two. If you later find that you've forgotten what to call her, fess up immediately, as in, "Gosh, I'm sorry, can you remind me of your name?" It won't be nearly as tough as you think, and remember: The longer you pretend to know, the more embarrassing it gets to admit you don't.

STEP 2: Start off with what you share.

Your simplest gambit is to inquire about the person's connection to the event. "Something as easy as 'How do you know Mike and Beth?' is a great conversation starter because it's an open-ended question - it can't be answered with one word," notes Fine.Or, try an observation followed by a question: "This restaurant sure does great birthday parties. Ever been here before?" And since flattery usually does get you somewhere, you could give a compliment followed by a question: "The baby carrier you gave Marla is cool. Where'd you find it?"

STEP 3: Play detective.

Let's say you opened with, "How are you doing with all this rain?" To move from this surface chitchat to a deeper dialogue, listen for any word in the other person's reply that might suggest a conversational direction, advises Leil Lowndes, author of Goodbye to Shy. A few examples:HER: "Oh, I don't mind the rain. It's good for the plants."YOU: "Are you a gardener?"HER: "If I wanted this much rain, I'd live in Seattle!"YOU: "Have you been to Seattle?"HER: "I haven't been able to take the dog on a decent walk in a week."YOU: "I have a miniature dachshund named Beau. Tell me about your dog."

STEP 4: Open up - within limits.

Don't keep firing out questions, says Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room; people will feel like they're being interrogated. Rather, reveal some information about yourself while respecting the comfort level of a new acquaintance. "I'm fine - considering that my husband walked out on me last week" is probably a little too much information. Ditto for "No drink for me. I'm on antibiotics for a yeast infection." Health (yours or theirs), money, religion, and politics are all bad bets.On the other hand, just about anything you find curious or interesting probably will work to keep things rolling. Fine was on her way to a large dinner when she heard a radio story about a survey that asked people to choose between two superpowers: Would they rather fly or have the power to turn invisible? "I brought it up during the first awkward silence at my table," she recalls, "and just as in the study, men preferred flight, women invisibility. But the main thing was, all my tablemates started chattering like magpies."

STEP 5: Listen out loud.

Visual cues that you're listening, such as eye contact and nodding, are not enough to communicate enthusiasm. Use verbal cues ("Uh-huh, mmm-hmm," or "Oh, you're kidding! She didn't!") to let the person know you're paying attention. The more positive feedback you give, the more others will enjoy speaking to you. Put your heart into it, and you'll be amazed at how a little "small talk" can quickly lead to a big connection.
4 Ways to Ditch a Windbag

Ever hesitate to begin a conversation because you fear you'll never be able to end it? Motivational speaker Debra Fine suggests these graceful ways to get the heck out of Dodge:Give Warning

"I want to hear about your cruise, but I also want to be sure to talk to Jenna before she leaves."If the conversation shows no sign of winding down, let the person know your time is running out.Show Appreciation

"I'm so glad to have heard about your trip - you've inspired me to plan my next vacation. Nice talking to you."You'll feel less guilty about closing the conversation if you say something positive. And the chatterbox will be more gracious about letting you go if you pave the way with some flattery.Explain Your Next Move

"I need to go to the ladies' room/call my babysitter/catch Jenna."Just make sure you do what you say, warns Fine. Don't let the person see you were just making an excuse!Play Host

"Come with me - I'd like to introduce you to Jenna/hit the bar/meet the guest of honor."Whether your conversational partner agrees to join you or not, this tactic makes her feel included - even as you're giving her the slip.

For more in depth tips, dowload your FREE E-Book
here:
http://www.lulu.com/content/929137

Life Improvement Tips

Success is Like Riding a Bicycle

Okay, a show of hands, please!How many of you learned to ride a bicycle as a child?Hey, that's quite a lot of you.Now, close your eyes and remember what it felt like to ride a bicycle for the first time. Maybe yours had training wheels that helped to balance the bike as you gained confidence riding on the sidewalk in front of your house. As your confidence expanded, and also from observing the older children in the neighborhood riding without any assistance, you then graduated to your first test without training wheels. It was scary!At the beginning came the wobbling of the tires and excited, hurried pedaling as you struggled to break free of your parent's or older sibling's guiding hand for balance. And, perhaps there were one or two falls along the way! However, through your determination, willpower, desire, and continued practice, you soon sped forward on your own.As you grew in size and age, you moved up to bigger and more complex bicycles and mastered them all. Some of you even learned to ride without holding onto the handlebars or perhaps did "daredevil" tricks jumping over ramps like Evel Knievel.And, I'll bet now that even if you haven't ridden a bicycle in years, you could still do it.Now, let's take a look at success. For many people, success or being successful is just as scary as the first time they rode a bicycle. Naturally, many people want to be successful. However, there are few that truly have the motivation to put forward the needed effort and action and make the necessary sacrifices to get what they want. Here are four of my success strategies. Make them part of your "quest for success."1) Just as you did when you learned to ride a bicycle, here is only one way to accomplish anything today -- set your mind to concentrate on doing it and let nothing interfere with your progress. Obstacles, whether they be training wheels on a bike or lack of resources (money, time, lack of skill, etc.), are quickly overcome by the person who sets out to accomplish their heart's desire. Those who have the desire, "the fire in the belly" so to speak, will outdistance and outperform those who do not.2) No matter what anyone says, "Size does matter." When you first learned to ride a bike, you were a child. As you grew to adulthood, of course, you were faced with greater and more challenging situations. On your road to success, remember this quote from my Success System book, "The Power of Concentration: How to Take Control of Your Life"..."The 'bigger' you are, the smaller the obstacle appears. The 'smaller' you are, the greater the obstacle appears."Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you the needed "size" and courage for the conquest -- now and in the future. 3) Do not expect that you will always have a smooth road, free of potholes, speed bumps, and detours. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. The way you navigate the bad roads shows exactly what you are made of. Keep on with your journey and view with delight the smooth roads that are in front of you.4) Do not let a setback stop you. Just like when you skinned your knees and elbows learning to ride, think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal. Learn from it and use the lesson to move ahead.Success IS like riding a bicycle. Learn my strategies of success outlined above, and you will ALWAYS be up to the challenge -- regardless of the size.

~ K.Shaw~

Career Tips

Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Three)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.

The clients who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.

When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, people really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. My 12-part program-"Discover Your Authentic Career Fit"-breaks the process down into simply organized and manageable action steps. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.Know What You Don't Want
To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover the people with whom you work. Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What don't I enjoy about the people at my current workplace?
· What didn't I like about the people at past places of employment?
· In what way(s) would I like the people to be different at my next place of work? For example, am I looking for a group of people who are:

o Friendlier?
o More professional and dedicated?
o More family-oriented?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list. Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want in your next job: Your individual work style.

I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~

Relationships 101

5 Strategies For Surviving The Holidays For Singles

It's now December and the holidays are currently upon us. All you see are Christmas decorations in the stores and holiday commercials of happy families celebrating mostly Christmas and New Years Eve. Because you are single and not even in a significant relationship, this can be a tough time of year for you, especially if you desire to be a part of a couple and have a family of your own. The feelings that come up range from loneliness to dread to jealousy of your friends and family who seem to have it all!

What's a single guy or gal to do? Today's dating advice for women and men includes the results of a survey I conducted with my friends and clients, where I found five different strategies that make the holiday season a happy and productive time of year. The first strategy includes:

1. Take a trip and get out of town!

My girlfriend takes a cruise in the Caribbean during Christmas week through New Years Day. There are also singles ski trips, Club Med and such. Another option is to find a buddy and go away to the destination of your choosing. Not only are you taking a vacation, but you never know who you will meet on your adventure!

2. Seek out singles events and gatherings.

There are many singles parties on New Years Eve in every major City. It's a great time to meet people because everyone is open and festive. No one wants to be alone on New Years Eve. You can also create your own party for friends.
Each year, I organize a mostly singles dinner for my friends on Christmas day. It's sometimes easier not to deal with the couple or family thing - especially if there are married couples with kids. Most of my singles friends yearn to have a family. I also know my single friends are uncomfortable with witnessing the public display of affection sometimes demonstrated by couples. So it's just easier to hang out with other singles.
As you can see, the holidays can be a great time to make the most of being single! From shopping for yourself, earning extra cash, taking a vacation, and more, the holidays can be a great time to treat yourself when others may not be able to!

3. Earn overtime pay by working!

Most people want to take off during the holidays. Who is going to hold down the fort? I have a friend who works in radio. She covers the holiday shift so others can be with their families. I also know someone who helps out in a restaurant once a year to help out a friend who is short-handed. You help others and make some extra pocket change- it's a win-win!
Strategically planning the upcoming holidays helps you feel less lonely and depressed during the holidays and makes this time of year more enjoyable for you!

4. Go out and do the stuff you love!

Another dating tips for men and women include going to the gym- it's usually open part of the day (closes early on Christmas Eve and closed Christmas Day). Also, you can go shopping and take advantage of the sales late Christmas Eve or New Years Day. Buy yourself the items you really wanted for yourself. Go see the movie that you are dying to see. Go to a museum exhibit you haven't been able to visit. You don't have to worry about anyone holding you back. Also, many Churches and Synagogues have volunteer programs on Christmas Day.

5.Stay home and catch up on paperwork!

What a great time to get your taxes in order! You can also spend your time at home searching the internet dating sites for your true love. Besides, it's just another day in the year. It will be over before you know it and you will get a jump on next year!

A word of caution to help prevent tough relationship issues: Starting in November, beware of falling into a false, convenient relationship. Here you find yourself in a precarious relationship that's somewhat comfortable (and clearly not the one) that can carry you through the cold, dark months of winter. This is the hardest time of the year to be single. It seems as though we are sometimes playing musical chairs and that by late November, whomever you were dating, you attach yourself to this person and settle into a relationship for the time being.When I was single, I unconsciously found myself in relationships by late Fall so that I would have someone to be with me during the holidays. And with my birthday in January and subsequently the dreaded Valentine's Day in February, I was then in a position to get the attention and the gifts I truly desired! Funny how by March or April the relationship broke up and I was out in the dating world again as spring blossomed.So you get to choose. How do you want to spend the holidays? Only you know what feels right for you. Perhaps you want to try something new this year. It's time to make your plans now so you are not left out in the cold!

~ Amy ~

Welcome to Helena Nyman's Newsletter

2007-12-18T12:27:00.000-08:00

Newsletter 12/12/07

"Every action that you perform is recorded in you, the soul. These imprints ultimately mold your character and destiny. When you understand this principle, you will pay more attention to bringing your best to everything you do."

~ Dadi Janki ~

Imagine that your life were one big movie that you could replay on your VCR. Then imagine you were the editor of this movie and had to create two volumes of scenes. One volume would contain clips of your "greatest hits." The other volume would be your "outtakes or bloopers." Take a moment to think about at least five scenes that would be on each tape. After doing so, write down five lessons you learned from this exercise. When I did this myself, I learned many things including: my "greatest hits" often weren't huge endeavors or undertakings, but simple acts of kindness from one soul to another. My "bloopers" were when I lost sight of my vision and steered from my core values.

Your Turn:
Take some time to reflect on and complete this exercise throughout the day.

Your affirmation:

I am a willing student of my past, and take my lesson toward the future.

Life Improvement Tips

Self-Confidence Secrets: Measure Your Success

Would you like to be confident in the things you do? Most people would. The problem is that many people aren't sure how. They think it is some mystical trait that some people seem to have and others don't. Actually, being confident in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is a skill that can be learned.Let's say you've decided to move forward in your efforts to achieve your goals and have taken action.

Congratulations for reaching this point! Along the way you will certainly experience many victories. Yet there will also be challenges. To keep yourself going, you are going to need lots of support from one very important person: Yourself! This support comes in the form of setting achievable goals, supportive self-talk, self-monitoring to acknowledge success, and plenty of rewards along the way.

Today's theme is the crucial importance of acknowledging success. To balance the scale of triumphs and challenges, the skill needed is learning to recognize and feel good about all the little steps you take each day, and the efforts you put forth toward achieving your goal. Building on every little victory acts like fuel to your confidence. Achieving any new goal isn't easy. It takes decision, hard work, effort, and dedication. But that is what this life is about - setting new goals for ourselves and accomplishing those goals. Learning to feel good along the path to something new is what makes life a grand adventure.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
- Albert Schweitzer

WHY ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS?

For many, the journey toward reaching the overall goal is often a long road. It's frequently so full of experiences and opportunities (okay, challenges) that we often don't notice the gradual change that is occurring. We don't recognize the progress we have made. This error of self-acknowledgment can be devastating and stop us dead in our tracks.One surefire way of putting out your own fire is to dismiss your success. Let's imagine you've been binging on food for quite a few days. Through much effort and determination, you manage to stay binge-free for three days. Following these three days, you binge again. What are you most likely to do with this situation?* Do you count those three days as success?

* Do you dismiss those three days as proof that since they didn't last, you are not good enough to have what you want -- now falling into helplessness or hopelessness?
* Do you use those three days (and subsequent relapse) as an occasion to self-condemn and shame yourself?
* Do those three days count for anything wonderful in your book?

WHEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS

One day, I decided I wanted to increase the amount of water I was drinking each day. I thought this goal through and decided that the best way to achieve success would be to drink one bottle of water each morning as I was getting ready for my day. After a few weeks had gone by, I pondered my goal. I realized that almost every morning I had drunk one full bottle of water. Had I achieved success with my goal? How long must a goal be achieved before I could call myself successful?Contemplating, I became aware of my own particularly nasty habit. I set goals for myself. With enough time, my goals became habits. But I had no mental criteria established for when I could call myself successful. There was no endpoint of "How do I know I've achieved my goal?" And since there was no endpoint, there was no feeling good at the end of my goal. I was running my own life story of not being good enough for myself, and having to earn my own love but never succeeding. I sat there amazed at my own self-realization. I asked, "How long must I maintain a behavior before I can call myself successful?" The answer came immediately: "The very first time the behavior is achieved, you are successful." Wow! This about blew me away. I successfully achieved my goal the first day I followed through with my intention. No wonder I never felt enough. I was completely failing to recognize, acknowledge, or celebrate my strengths, efforts, and my achievements.Many of the people I work with also have no internal criteria established for knowing when they are successful. Oh, sure, they may say when they lose 40 pounds, then they will be successful. Or when they stop binging, then they will be happy. But what happens when they lose those 40 pounds or stop binging for several days? Success is never measured, never celebrated, never acknowledged. Eventually a few pounds creep back on or a relapse in binge behavior occurs. Wouldn't you know it? This gets acknowledged! Lots of negative self-talk, huge emotion, beastly feelings of self-reproach... now there is evidence that success cannot be achieved. Without being conscious of it, the criteria were that if the weight was maintained forever, or a binge never occurred again, then success would be achieved. The problem with this strategy? Success can't be measured until forever occurs, meaning success never occurs.

"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. Courage is what counts."
- Sir Winston Churchill

SUCCESS EXERCISE

Close your eyes and relax. Think of a success you had today. Maybe it was feeling good, or deciding to drive past the fast food restaurant, or choosing to sit still while envisioning your goal, or laughing instead of feeling heavy. Maybe you overcame an urge, and even though later you didn't overcome the urge, that first "overcoming" was a success. You cannot change the fact of it or deny that it was a success.Remember your goals. Recall your successes of the day. Remember your efforts. Get in touch with your very being. Feel your physical body. Breathe in... breathe out. Acknowledge your successes over and over again in your mind. Say to yourself, "I was truly successful. There is no denying that." Imagine the lightness of your joy is spreading all around, filling your body. It is filling your chest, spreading to your abdominal cavity reaching towards your thighs, legs, and feet. Think of a similar spread to your shoulders, arms, hand, head, neck, and face. Now your whole body is filled with radiant blissful lightness. You are calm and centered and feeling really good. Nourish your goal by looking for more successes. Bring your goal life and light through praise and intention and enthusiasm. Strengthen your goal by feeding it love. Breathe in... breathe out.

DO YOU:

1. Expect the best from yourself?
2. Understand your needs and use this information to create an environment that builds your motivation?
3. Establish standards of excellence that are attainable for yourself?
4. Create an environment where failure isn't fatal?
5. Encourage yourself or nag yourself?
6. Recognize and applaud your efforts?
7. Use a mixture of positive and negative reinforcement (acknowledge without judgment, but with honesty, your failures)?

~ Dr. Annette Colby ~

Career Tips

Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Two)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.

Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many women get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.
The women who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, women really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.

Know What You Don't Want

To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover the culture of your workplace.

Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What don't I enjoy about the culture of my current workplace?
· What didn't I like about the culture at past places of employment?
· In what way(s) would I like the culture to be different at my next job? For example, am I looking for a culture that is:
o Smaller or larger than my current organization?
o Less bureaucratic than my current company?
o Has a more innovative spirit?
o Has a more structured organization?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list.

Next week, we'll focus on the next phase of defining what you don't want in your next job: The people with whom you work.
~Maret~

Relationships 101

"3 Important R's In Relationships That Can Help You Survive and Thrive, No Matter What!"

If there's one complaint that we hear over and over about the challenges of relationships, it's this:"How do you find the time and energy to create and keep great relationships?"This is such a great question especially since we all seem to be continually busy and stressedmuch of the time. This is especially true this time of year when there are so many holiday activities to attend, gifts to buy and preparations to make.We just seem to be on the go from morning until night-and if we don't interrupt the pattern, it can take its toll on our bodies, our spirits, our emotions and our relationships.So what's the answer?The answer comes from a surprising source. Athletes. Not just athletes-- but world class athletes who seem to always win over and over.

They have discovered that renewal drives performance.Whether they realize it or not the best of the best athletes figure out ways to take mini-rest and renewal breaks- even during matches or games--that will help them to be at their best when it really counts.Perhaps you've seen the tennis pro switching his/herracquet from hand to hand after a point in an important tennis match on TV. Until it was pointed out to us that this switching allowed the arms of his or herdominant hand and arm to relax, we didn't realize what was going on.We thought it was just "nervous tension" and we didn'trealize that this wasn't just nervous tension but actually a recovery and renewal break that would allow the pro to play at his/her optimum level throughout the match.At this point, you're probably wondering what this hasto do with your relationships.It's simple.

If you don't allow yourself to take renewal breaks throughout your day or week, no matter how busy you are, you cannot be who you truly are with those you love--let alone those you don't.

That's why the 3 R's (rest, relaxation and renewal) are so important to you, especially as you try to build and maintain great relationships. It's true that we all need some amount of stress to expand and grow but continual stress with no rest, renewal and relaxation time is harmful.When we are under continual stress, we say and do things unconsciously from habit and past experiences and do not consciously choose how we are going to be in our relationships and lives.

When you consciously make choices about your words and actions and are not muddled by stress, you are able to speak and act from a place inside you that is true.This truth creates intimacy, connection and love with the important people in your life.Here are a few tips to encourage you to take rest, recovery and renewal time, no matter what's going on in your life.

1. Breathe deeply

When we get stressed, we forget to breathe.A mini-renewal break can simply be taking a deep breath in and exhaling all of it, emptying your lungs.Write a note to yourself and put it in your car to remind you to take a deep breath as you sit in traffic or deal with the kids who are arguing in the back seat.

2. Take a 15 minute walk outside

We walk around our neighborhood and we've found that even 15 minutes can make a difference in how we feel.

3. Let it go

When something happens that is upsetting to you, don't hold onto it and mull it over. Reliving the painful memory will only keep you from living your life to its fullest and will separate you from the people aroundyou.Let it go as soon as you have said what you needed to say. If agreements need to be created around the issue, then suggest that the two of you talk about how to "do it differently" the next time.

"Worry" also falls in this category. Don't waste your energy and time "worrying" about someone or something. It only creates more stress and agitationinside you.Spend your "thought" time on what makes you happy and your heart sing.If you focus on loving yourself and others, instead of worrying about them or holding onto grudges, wethink you'll see a big difference in your relationships.Renewal, rest and recovery may seem to be the last thing that you think you have time for but we'd urge you to re-think that belief.

These 3 r's are not only absolutely necessary for the health and happiness of your physical body and mental outlook but are also essential to the health and continual growth of your relationships.

Quote of the Week

"You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer ~

Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 12/5/07

2007-12-11T11:06:00.000-08:00

"When problems arise, don't get furious, get curious."

~ Anonymous ~

I have always been an advocate of asking questions. My friends will tell you that whenever I meet someone, I ask them so many questions they would likely think I am an attorney. As you know, I am not - but I am a knowledge-seeker. I love to learn about people, about places, about anything. I love to see how other people think, why things exist and how they got there.Today's quote stresses the importance of "questions" in our lives. I think one skill we could all benefit from is that of asking more questions. When something goes wrong, instead of getting upset, we could ask: How did this happen? Why did this happen? Did I contribute to it in any way? Is there something I could do differently? What are other ways this situation could have turned out? The questions are endless and they will be much more productive than anger.

Your Turn:
Today, try to ask 100 questions to yourself or those around you. At the end of the day, evaluate how much you have learned by having a "questioning" attitude versus an "I already know the answer" attitude.

Your affirmation:
Each day I learn something new.

Life Improvement Tips

Celebrate your Life!

My very first coach, Rachelle Disbennett-Lee has two favorite sayings, "My life is perfect and only getting better," and "Today is the best day of my life!" And she's serious about both. It's really fun to be around Rachelle because she radiates this 'best life' point of view. Whenever I try this too, I instantly feel lighter because I've shifted into a lighthearted and playful attitude.
I'm asking you to try this too. Say out loud, "This is the best day of my life!" and mean it. See how great it feels? This simple act will raise your perception to a whole new level. From this vantage point, you'll begin to notice and celebrate all of the positive things around you, putting you in an upward spiral of constructive energy versus a downward spiral of negativity. Even if nothing earth-shattering happens, you'll be in a better mood. And this mood is attractive and appealing to others. If someone overhears you and doesn't quite get it, that's okay! You'll be having a great day, so it's worth a few questioning looks. My favorite personal saying is, "All is well in my world." Whenever I connect with this truth, I really do feel as though I'm having the best day of my life and that it's only getting better.

~ Christen ~

Know What You Want To Get Ahead Step One

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.
Many women get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many women get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.
The women who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, women really just don't know what career will make them happy.
Know What You Don't Want
To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.

This week, let's cover roles and responsibilities. Ask yourself these three simple questions:

· What roles and responsibilities do I not enjoy in my current position?
· What tasks and duties did I dislike in past jobs?
· What roles do I not want to get stuck with again?

I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~

Relationships 101

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 4)

Continuing on the topic of Seven Ways To Succeed In The Sport of Dating, today we're discussing the final tip in our dating tips for men and women in this area that involves having a relationship coach.

7. Suppose you have a great understanding of how the game is played, and you are skilled at the game you play. However, imagine that you have decided you would like to be even better at what you do! In sports, to become better at what you play, you take lessons from a coach or trainer to fine-tune your strokes and/or learn how to play a game more successfully. In dating, a relationship coach can help you improve your approach and strategies in order to be more effective and ultimately, more successful. The coach is standing on the sidelines with you and cheering you on!

By applying the same tried and true formula for success for sports to dating, you will see how easy it is to improve your skills on the dating game field.
Go out there and win at the game of dating!

~Amy~

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter 11/28/07

2007-12-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you!"

~ Anonymous ~

I love this quote. How often do you spend time comparing yourself to others? Perhaps measuring your success, health, will power, determination, wealth, beauty? Let me ask you this - what good can that possibly do? We cannot know the exact circumstances of another. We cannot understand their shoes for we have not walked in them. And at the end of the day, "No one in the entire word can do a better job of being you than you."

Your Turn:

As you find yourself comparing yourself to others, re-read this quote. The world would certainly be boring if we were all clones of one another. Do not relish in other's success or envy their efforts. Instead, relish in who you are and your unique offerings to our world.

Your Affirmation:

I do not compare myself to others. There is a beauty and uniqueness that only I can offer the world.

Life Improvement Tips
Clarity about Clutter

I'm an organized person -- just ask anyone who knows me. In spite of my talents at organization, clutter loomed its ugly head during our recent move. You see, I'm committed to making the most from what I have, and I can find a use for practically anything. As a result, I turned our home and my studio and office into an attractive, well-organized landfill. I'm over it.

After vigorously pruning before the move only to find that I had an additional ten boxes of books and magazines (Are you beginning to get the picture?), six more giant sacks of clothes, and six boxes of unclassifiable junk to get rid of, I saw the light. Never again am I going to collect more than I can keep attractively and accessibly in the space I already have. No more will I hold onto odd screws, outdated clothes, and books just because they could conceivably be useful to someone, somewhere, someday. If you, too, have been slowly suffocating under growing piles of indispensable clutter, it's time to take the clutter challenge.

Evaluate how true each of these statements is for you on a scale of 1 to 5. Be honest. Then choose one area in which you fall short and resolve to de-clutter there, this week, without fail.

1. Each season I discard or donate the clothing that I did not wear, whether or not it still fits and regardless of whether or not I made it myself.

2. I buy quality books in hardcover and donate them to the library when I finish them, except only books that I use in the day-to-day operation of my business or that I resort to on an ongoing basis for inspiration and delight. (Note: the test is not whether I might use them, but whether or not I DO use them.)

3. I give away, recycle, or toss anything I have not used for a year. (If I do find I want something like it in the future, I will happily borrow, rent, or buy it, knowing that in the meantime I have not had to pay to store it, clean it, or look for it.)

4. I return -- immediately -- any purchase that does not fit or function.

5. I repair anything within a week of when it breaks or stops working or I discard/donate it.

6. At the end of each year, I discard files that are more than seven years old.

7. I discard, donate, or recycle any souvenir or memento that is not framed and displayed within thirty days of acquisition.

Action tip: Get a clutter buddy and make a commitment to each other that you will put these principles to work. Make a date to go to the recycling center, the dump, and Goodwill together. Help each other say "no" to the clutter in your lives. Phone each other for support and intervention whenever you are tempted to rent a storage unit, buy new shelving or drawers, or build a shed.

Bonus tip: Lose the catalogs. Recycle them immediately and write the Mail Preference Service of the Direct Marketing Association to stop future mailings. You'll prevent clutter from both the catalogs and the umpteen goodies that you don't buy because you'll never know you need them.

~ Molly Gordon ~

Career Tips

Career Values: Part 5

Identify Your Strengths and Talents - Know Your Strengths and Talents

If you haven't done so already, take a moment to complete the exercise I laid out in last week's Newsletter.

Once you have completed this exercise, review your notes and identify the top skills that have emerged. Make a list of all the professional competencies you have identified. Even if they seem unimpressive to you - write them down anyway. This is all vital information to discovering what you are naturally good at.

After you've completed your list, organize it into categories. You'll find that certain skills go together and can be combined under similar headings. Arrange your skills list into these groupings and then distill them into your top five professional competencies. Narrowing it down to your top five is very important because this will tell you the type of work you enjoy the most.
Schedule time in your calendar to complete this exercise in the next seven days. If you haven't finished the previous three exercises I've outlined this month, take the time to do them this week as well.

Working in your career "sweet spot" is about having a profession in which you can truly be yourself. Life is way too short to work in a job that is not a good fit for who you are. As you know, when you're miserable in your career, it darkens your entire world.
However, when you have a position that fits with your life values, work values, passions and skills - you have the makings of a phenomenal career! I wish you much continued professional success as you move towards discovering and working in your career "sweet spot!"

~Maret~

Relationships 101

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 3)

As we continue to learn the Seven Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating, today you'll find out about strengths and weaknesses as well as endurance.

5. In sports, one needs to access your opponent's strengths and weaknesses. In a game, you play to your opponents weaknesses. In dating, you focus on the opposite - your date' strengths. You look at how you can work as a team instead of opponents. Here, you look to work from each other's strengths, and minimize weaknesses.

6. In sports, to improve your performance, it takes practice. You need to get out and hit the ball again and again in order to anticipate and formulate strategies. In dating, the more you go out and meet different people, the easier it gets. When you get out there regularly, you are able to choose more quickly and confidently who is right for you and who is not. This will minimize your relationship issues in the long run.

Focusing on these two tips can help resolve many relationship questions you may be asking yourself right now.

Join us next week, when I'll share the last dating tip for men and women to help you succeed in the sport of dating.

~Amy~

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter

2007-11-27T08:55:00.000-08:00

Newsletter 11/21/07

"It matters not what a person is born, but who they choose to be!"

~ Joanne Kathleen Rowling ~

I really enjoyed stumbling across this quote, especially given the author. For those who don't know, Joanne is the author of the Harry Potter series. She is an inspiration and success story, who chose to follow her dreams. A single parent receiving assistance, Joanne pursued her writing dream in every spare moment. And of course, the rest is history as she sets publishing record after publishing record.

Your Turn:

Is there a piece of your life that you feel pre-destined to live out? Did you grow up in a family without money and thus feel that financial security is not within your reach? Did adults around you discourage your dreams until you forgot how to dream them? Take the words of Joanne to heart--choose to be more.

Your Affirmation:

Each day I choose to be all I can be.

Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you' to Ms. Isabel Brennen for sending me this wonderful Mural Mosaic!

This mural was unveiled last week at the Cochrane Ranch House. Each tile is 1 foot square so it is a huge mural.

You can click on the tiles to see them in detail. And then use Your "back" to go to the original. Check out the horse’s eye. You really can't help but check them all out it's amazing!!

To check out the mural and click on the tiles, click here!

If you can’t open the link, type: http://muralmosaicnyman.blogspot.com/

Life Improvement Tips

Finding Motivation: Or What to Do When You Don't Feel Like Doing Anything

"The measure of your success usually comes down to who wins the battle that rages between the two of you. The 'you' who wants to stop, give up, or take it easy, and the 'you' who chooses to beat back that which would stand in the way of your success -- complacency."

~ Chris Widener ~

In all my interactions with people, I've never found anyone, regardless of their level of success, who doesn't sometimes find themselves simply not wanting to do the things that they need and want to do. It is a part of human nature that there will be times that, in spite of all that we need to do, and even desire to, we will find ourselves not wanting to do anything.

And what separates those who will become successful from those who will maintain the status quo, is the ability at those very crucial moments of time when we are making decisions about what we will do, to choose to find the inner motivation that will enable us to conquer our complacency and move on in action.

I find that I confront this issue in my life on a regular basis, so the following success strategies are not merely pie in the sky techniques, but proven ways to get yourself to go even when you don't feel like doing anything.

Honestly evaluate whether or not you need a break.

This is the first thing that I usually do when I find that I don't want to get to a specific action. The fact is that oftentimes we will have been working very hard, and the lethargy we are feeling is really our body and emotions telling us that we simply need a break. And this is where it takes real intellectual honesty because when we don't need a break, our mind is still telling us we need a break! But sometimes we do need a break. I'll give you a good example. I don't particularly like to exercise, but I do almost every day. Sometimes, I find myself before going to the club thinking about how I just didn't feel like going. Most of the time I am just being lazy. However, sometimes I realize that my body needs a break. So from time to time I will take a one- or two-day break from working out. The benefits of this are two-fold: One, my body gets a break to regenerate itself. Two, after a day or two, I begin to miss my workout, and eagerly anticipate a turning to the gym. Other examples: Perhaps you are a salesman who has been phoning clients for a week straight, day and night. You wake up one morning and just don't feel like doing it any more. Well, take a break for the morning. Go to a coffee shop and read the paper. Go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. Take a break and then get back to it!

Start small.

I'm at a point in my workout schedule now where a typical workout day for me consists of 30 to 45 minutes of aerobic exercise, and about 30 minutes of weight lifting. So when I find myself not wanting to get up and go to the gym, I will sometimes make a commitment to go and just do a smaller workout. Instead of deciding not to go, I'll commit to doing 15 to 20 minutes of aerobic exercise and 15 to 30 minutes of weight lifting. This is also good for two reasons. One, I actually get some exercise that day. And two, it keeps me from getting into a cycle of giving up when I don't feel like moving toward action. Other examples: Maybe you are a writer who simply doesn't want to write today. Instead of the long day writing you had planned, decide that you will at least outline a couple of new articles. You will at least get these done, and you may have found that you put yourself into the writing mood after all.

Change your routine.

I have found that what keeps me in the best shape and burns the most calories for me is to do 30 to 45 minutes on the treadmill every day. Now let me be very blunt. I find running on the treadmill to be extremely boring. Usually I can get myself to do it, but sometimes I need to vary my routine. So instead of 30 to 45 minutes on a treadmill, I will break down my aerobic exercise routine into a number of different areas. I will do 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill, 10 to 15 minutes on the reclining cycle, 5 to 10 minutes on the rowing machine, 5 to 10 minutes on the stair stepper, and then back on to the treadmill for five to 10 minutes. I still get my exercise, but I'm bored a lot less. Other examples: Maybe you are in construction and you have been working on the plumbing for a week, and it is getting monotonous. Don't do the plumbing today! Go frame-in the office.

Reward yourself.

One way that I motivate myself to do something when I don't feel like doing it is to tell myself that if I get through the work that I need to, I will give myself a little reward. For instance, I may tell myself if I to get up and go to the club, I can take five to 10 minutes off my treadmill exercise, which will shorten my workout routine, and I'll allow myself to sit in the hot tub for a few extra minutes. Hey, it works! Other examples: Maybe you are a mortgage broker who feels like sleeping in. Tell yourself that after the next three mortgages you close, you will take your kids to the fair or your spouse to the movies. Maybe you'll give yourself a night on the town with old friends.

Reconnect the action with pleasure rather than pain.

Psychologists have long told us that we humans tend to connect every action with either pleasure or pain. Tony Robbins has popularized this even further in the last few years with something he calls Neural Associations. That is, we connect every action with either a pleasure or pain. When we are finding ourselves lacking motivation, what we are probably finding about ourselves is that we are associating the action that we are thinking about with pain, rather than pleasure. For instance, when I'm considering not going to the health club on any given day, I am usually associating going and working out with having no time, the pain of exercising and weight lifting, or the boringness of running on a treadmill for an extended period of time. What I can do to re-associate is to remind myself that by going in and doing my exercise, I will feel better about myself, I will lose weight, and I will live longer. This brings me pleasure. When we begin to run those kinds of tapes through our minds, we find our internal motivating force unleashed and changing our attitude about the action that we are considering. Other examples: Maybe you are a counselor who really doesn't want to spend the day listening to people. Your association may be that it will be boring, or that you will be inside while it is sunny outside. Instead, re-associate yourself to the truth of the matter: Someone will be better off because of your care and concern. Think of your clients and the progression they have been making recently and how you have been a part of that.

Give these ideas a try and see if you don't find yourself pushing through into action!

Career Tips

Career Values: Part 4

Identify Your Strengths and Talents

This week, I am guiding you through the process of defining your career "sweet spot."
Working in your "sweet spot" means your job is in alignment with your values, skills and passions.

The final step is to identify your top professional skills. A big part of working in your "sweet spot" is doing what you are good at. This allows you to be in a job that comes naturally to you, rather than a position in which you have to try way too hard to make things work. (Been there, done that!)

Instead of feeling like heaving a huge boulder up a mountain, working in your "sweet spot" feels like rolling a rock down a mountain with momentum - joy in what you do and the rewards it brings you - easing you along. On a typical workday, if you feel like a square peg being pounded into a round hole, you owe it to yourself to explore other career options either within or outside your current profession.

The following written exercise will help you identify your top skills:

Review all of the jobs you have held, including your current position. Go all the way back to your first job - maybe it was in high school. Take out a separate sheet of paper for each position and write your title at the top of the page. Then, brainstorm what you liked about each job.

Ask yourself questions such as:

- What did I enjoy about this position?

- What assignments did I like working on?

- What elements of this position gave me the most satisfaction?

- What tasks were easy for me to accomplish?

- What types of projects elicited the most compliments from managers and clients?

There are no right or wrong answers in this exercise. Let your brainstorm flow and do not censor yourself. This document is for your eyes only, so there is no risk of judgment. I recommend you work on this a few days in a row for about 15 minutes each day. Give yourself enough time for all ideas and observations to surface.

Schedule time in your calendar to complete this exercise in the next seven days. Next week, I will guide you through the process of analyzing your results.

~Maret~

Relationships 101

7 Ways to Succeed in the Sport of Dating! (Part 2)

We've all ready leaned the necessity of compatibility and attitude. We'll continue this week with the importance of focus.

3. In sports, it is best not to dwell on your past bad performance, but rather look forward towards making your next point or shot. In the same way, in dating, you don't want to think about how bad your last date went. You want to focus on having a good experience this time around.

My next piece of dating advice for women and men covers reaching your goals.

4. In sports, it is important to keep your eye on the ball - where it's coming from and where you want it to go. As in dating, you want to keep the focus on your goal of your time together and the end result you desire. Are you looking for a marriage partner? If so, does the person you are dating have that same goal? You want to make sure your reasons for dating are in sync or you will have major relationship issues!

Until the next time, when we'll continue our discussion on the Seven Ways to Succeed In The Sport of Dating.

~Amy~

Welcome to my Newsletter

2007-11-27T08:50:00.000-08:00

Newsletter 11/14/07

"Excellence is caring more than others think is wise; risking more than others think is safe; dreaming more than others think is practical; and expecting more than others think is possible!"

~ Author unknown ~

I fell in love with this quote the first time I saw it many years ago. I found it on an inspirational poster with a photo of a soaring eagle while going through a difficult period in my life. It resonated with me, because it matched my core beliefs--even though those core beliefs often required walking up to the precipice of life and taking uncalculated risks. Yet I knew that these were principles I had to live by in order to experience all that life would offer to me. I never wanted to miss a chance, even though that would require falling down and getting many-a-bruise.

Last night, I was reflecting on what a full life means to me. In prior Newsletters, I have shared that I found one key is to "greet each moment with a sense of appreciation instead of expectation."

I believe we pass another milestone when our fears become an inspiration instead of deterrent in achieving our full potential. Learning to take risks, and enjoying that sense of adventure--no matter what the end result is another key. When we can appreciate our own courage, despite the result, we see - and more importantly - take the opportunities life so often presents.

That statement leads me back to a quote I saw on a card when I was only fourteen. I bought the card and have it still. The outside of the card features a small sailboat on an ocean night. Below the photo is states simply, "One cannot discover new lands without losing sight of the shore."

To me, this quote speaks volumes about change. So many of us want to realize change, but we are unwilling to "cast away" the lines that tie us to our old habits. We try to reach the "other side of the ocean" while leaving those ties around us. That is an impossible journey. We must be willing to throw off the ties and set sail toward our dreams.

Your Turn:

Review today's quote and think about what it means to you. How can you practice excellence in your life? And what about change? Are you trying to change, while still holding onto the past? If so, make a concerted effort to cast away the lines and see where the wonderful journey of life will take you.

Your Affirmation:

Each day, I sail toward and realize the great gifts of this life.

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter

2007-11-13T08:47:00.000-08:00

Newsletter 11/7/07

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude!"

~ Thomas Jefferson ~

Take a quick attitude "temperature" check.

How is your attitude this morning?

Are you ready to have a great day?

As we work to make our days consistently brighter, we learn the "tools" it takes for us to have a great day. Each of us has triggers that help us to make the most of our day. Our triggers might include getting up on time, having a healthy breakfast, having time to write an affirmation or read a positive book. Think through the tasks you normally do that help get your day off to a good start.

Your Turn:

Think about your "good days," "medium days," and "average days." Which days are most enjoyable and productive for you? Odds are it is the "good days" that help you make progress toward creating the life you desire. The first key ingredient to a "good day" is the right mental attitude. Likewise, the major component in reaching a goal (as today's quote states) is the right mental attitude. Realize that taking the time to "program yourself" for a great day with a great attitude is important. It is never something to be neglected.

Your Affirmation:

I make sure that each day, prior to leaving my home or interacting with others, I have a great mental attitude.