Welcome to my Newsletter 1/23/08

"Never forget that the first step in getting help is asking for it."
~ Brook ~

We are not Super Woman - she had a cape. Most super-heroes even have sidekicks, Batman has Robin, Super Man can count on Lois Lane, Luke Skywalker has Yoda and Obi-One. I don't know why so many women feel the need to be Super Woman or "do it all on their own." While it might seem that makes us more "independent," or "strong," it doesn't make a lot of sense if you step back a minute and think about it. How many people in this world operate completely independent, capable of doing it all themselves? I can't think of a successful CEO who isn't backed by talented executives. I am unaware of a politician that isn't helped by aides or campaign managers. Schools and churches have boards for guidance. So why do we think that we can, or should, "do it all?"Instead of striving to "do it all" or "beating yourself up" when you can't do it all--switch to a "team spirit" mentality. Find supportive players to be a part of your team and ask for help when you need it. Doing everything ourselves doesn't makes us "stronger," it makes us lonelier and needlessly stressed.

Your Turn:

How have you tried to "do it all" in your life? What were the results? Who can be a part of your support team? Who can you ask for help?

Your affirmation:

Today I let go of trying to "do it all" and focus on building a network of support and encouragement.

Additional note from Helena: "This is a little reminder for me, too!"



Readers share with Readers

A special 'Thank you!' to I.Brennen from Richmond, VA!
She sent me recently an Example Test of the New US Citizenship Test as a little reminder of my wonderful memories of becomeing an US Citizen on December 19th, 2007!

Would you pass the test?

To take a sample test, visit:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21019797/from/ET/



Life Improvement Tips

Are You Afraid To Try Something New?

"When you have come to the edge of all that you know and are about to step off into the darkness, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly." - Richard Bach

It's pretty normal for all of us to feel hesitant when we want to try something new. The underlying fear of failure is crippling. There are some who even fear getting what they want and finding out that it's not really as great as they dreamed it to be.

The first fear is totally understandable but there are some ways to go about it. Focus on trying something that's simple and realistic first. It can be a new recipe; the new computer software or even the basics of a new language. The object of the game is to learn something to stimulate your senses and if you master it, think of the energy boost you'll get! Slowly, you'll start getting the courage to try something else - it could be another simple thing or a bit more complicated. A few more of these and you'll be confident enough to try whatever goals you want to accomplish.
The second fear can be re-worded as the fear of disappointment and is altogether as real as the fear of failure is. Some unfortunate thing probably happened after you achieved a dream that scared you to try something else. Your psyche associated the terrible outcome - a divorce, a disaster or a death - in the family with the achievement. Or it could be a dozen other different reasons. Whatever it was, you got trapped in the status quo. A psychological counselor can help those who've reached the point that this fear becomes a phobia but to those who can still recognize that they want to change, there's still hope. Again, if there's a will to change however slight it may be, there will be a way to do it. A single baby step toward a new goal is great - nobody expects a power walk at the first try anyway.

Whatever fear you have, challenge yourself to face the obstacles. Problems are always there and so are their solutions.

One thing easy to do that can help a lot is to have some sort of a mantra or an affirmation like: "I want to ____ and I choose to do ____ to achieve this."

It verbalizes your thoughts and helps you focus on the correct way to pull it off. There will be times when you'll encounter some setbacks but take it slow, cut yourself some slack and try again. Eventually, you'll get it.

~ Jeff ~

Career Tips


How To Ask Your Boss for a Raise

Feeling overworked and underpaid? If you're starting to feel like you deserve a raise, here are eight DO's and DON'Ts to build your confidence and tact (and what to avoid!) in asking for the salary you feel you deserve.

DO:

1. Devise a "Plan of Action".

First and foremost, get a strategy together. Make a note of the specific projects you've undertaken and the results you've accomplished. List all of your job skills and the features that make you an asset to this company. Find out what a typical raise is for someone with your experience in your area of occupation. Know the facts and be realistic in your request.

2. Ask for an amount that's slightly higher than one you would be happy with.

If you would be happy with a 5% raise, ask for one a couple of points above it. That way, if your boss starts to negotiate, you won't feel as if your worth has been diluted any by getting less than what you feel you deserve.

3. Remember, your boss shouldn't be the only one negotiating.

If your company is going through a slow period or the economy is down, try to be flexible and know how to respond if your boss suggests a lower amount than what you may have been expecting. Consider other ways of getting a raise too, such as additional vacation time, employee perks or more time off. All of these can be just as good (if not better!) than an actual amount of money.

4. Choose a specific day and time to meet with your supervisor about your raise request.

Avoid choosing a Monday or Friday when bosses are at their busiest. Studies have actually shown that people are more receptive on a Tuesday or Wednesday after lunch. That way, they're not thinking about the weekend or their stomachs while you're getting up the nerve to ask about a raise! If you're afraid of being interrupted during your request, ask to speak to your supervisor for a few minutes after hours.

DON'T:

1. Raise your tone of voice if your boss objects to your raise at first.

Remember, he or she is paying you to do a certain job, and you're asking for more money to do the same job. Be professional and polite at all times, and listen more than demand. Chances are, if your supervisor doesn't award you a raise, they might hint at what else could be done to earn it. If they don't, don't be afraid to ask what steps would be necessary to "prove yourself".

2. Threaten with quitting if you don't get the raise or telling your boss you have another job offer unless you actually do.

He may just call your bluff and let you go!

3. Stumble or beat around the bush with your request.

Be straightforward and confident. You are a valuable member of a team and the supervisor hired you because they obviously thought you were the best qualified. If you have "Thank You" notes from customers or letters from the company praising you for a job well done, bring those to your meeting as well, as they'll help to cement your request and remind your supervisor of your role within the company and its progress.

4. Compare yourself to, or talk negatively about your coworkers or others in a position higher than you.

You may think that this will put you in a positive light when it comes to a promotion or a raise, but to your boss, it shows that if you have a poor attitude toward your colleagues, you'll keep the same poor attitude if you are promoted.

Remember, be confident, professional and tactful. If the boss says "no" or wants to "think about it", open his mind to further consideration by volunteering to do more at the office. Stay an extra hour or help another team on a critical project. This demonstrates that you're willing to "tow the mark" rather than giving your boss the impression of "gimme the money first and THEN I'll work".

Good luck!

~ Jeff ~

Relationships 101

Ideas For Fun Things To Do On A Date

Need an idea for what to do on a date? Here's how to go about finding ideas for new and unusual dates that are enjoyable and memorable.

The three most usual choices for what to do on a date are dinner, a movie, and a public event such as a sports game or concert. Those activities often give the couple several hours of time to enjoy each other's company. But relying on those same activities too often leads to a loss of the sense of drama and importance of the time spent together.

Human nature craves the out-of-the-ordinary. A new experience raises awareness and often contributes greatly to our ability to enjoy ourselves. If a couple continues to occasionally find new and unusual choices for what to do, their time together will be more enjoyable.

Probably the best way to find new ideas for what to do for a date is to make a point of being on the lookout for possibilities. You never know when an idea will present itself. You might see something in the newspaper or in a magazine. Someone you know could share an idea they have had. Your own hobbies and interests might suggest something. Something you did, perhaps years ago, could inspire ideas for a new activity. You might remember some idea you had but never got around to doing.

You should also actively search for new and unusual things to do. A great place to look is web sites about things you are interested in. The local visitors' bureau is a possible source. Look in the community events section of your newspaper. Look through the brochures at the Chamber of Commerce. Look in the yellow pages under headings such as canoes, hiking, and art museums. Check the bulletin board at the library. Use your imagination to adapt what you see at those places to your own interests and tastes.

Keep a list of possible activities. Have a place to keep information such as brochures, maps, and visitors' guides. Set up folders in your computer for storing information you have found online. Use Notepad to copy and paste just what is of interest to you.

Be open to any suggestions and preferences your partner has to offer. Try to be sensitive to his/her tastes and interests. Give almost as much importance to his/her enjoyment of the date as your own enjoyment. After all, you probably won't enjoy the date if your partner doesn't.

Try to choose activities that give enough opportunities for communication. Conversation and comments you and your date make to each other are often the most important part of the date.

Couples who are recent acquaintances need to find out each other's values and interests. Couples who have been together a long time need reassurance and the stimulation of each other's ideas.
Pursue your own interests.

Being passionate about something makes you more interesting. Finally, stay informed to stay interesting.

Keep up with current events and issues. Listen to the news and news commentary programs.

One good source I like is the web sites of National Public Radio.

~Alan~

Quote of the Week

"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are."

~ Thomas Dreier ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 1/16/08

"Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you."

~ Wally Famous' Amos ~

Want a quick way to measure how you feel about yourself and what type of attitude you have? Answer this question: how do you see the world around you today?If you see the world as scary, worrisome, negative or stressful--odds are you are holding these feelings within. Likewise, if you see the world as hopeful, optimistic and joy-filled, you likely embrace those feelings within.We can't capture the invisible. If we desire a life of peace, contentment and happiness but cannot feel it internally, we won't be able to find it externally.

Your Turn:

How we perceive the external is a reflection of how we feel internally. If you took a picture of the external world today, what would it reveal about you? Use this technique to keep your attitude healthy and strong. Treat yourself well--remember that how you feel will be reflected into the world and to all of those around you.

Your affirmation:

Today, I create a stronger "self" by treating myself with care, love and respect!

~

Life Improvement

~

Cut Stress out before it even happens

~

You often see articles on ways to unwind and relax after a stressful day, which I always find useful, but for me the most important advice would be to get to the source of the problem, and cut stress out before it even happens. By careful editing of your life, and changing certain habits, you can eliminate most (not all) sources of stress in your life. I don't believe that a stress-free life is possible. Stress is a response to challenges in life, and a life without challenges is too boring to contemplate. However, I do believe that most of the stress in our lives is unnecessary, and that it can be eliminated by taking some simple (and some not-so-simple) steps.

It can't be accomplished overnight - I've been eliminating stressors in my life for awhile now, and I'm still not done. But I think it's a worthwhile goal. Let's first take a look at an example - it's a little extreme, but it exemplifies the typical stressors in people's lives. Let's say Fred gets up in the morning, waking up late, and now has to rush to get ready. He's so rushed that he spills his coffee on his shirt and has to change, a nicks himself shaving. He heads out the door and then has to go back in the house because he forgot his wallet. He gets in the car and realizes he forgot his keys. Now he's on the way in to work and is in the middle of rush-hour traffic - and his temper starts to flare after someone cuts him off. He's honking at people, cursing, and arrives to work late and in a bad mood. He snaps at someone and is surly all morning. His desk is covered in piles of paper, and he can't find that report he needs to work on. His inbox is overflowing and his email notification is going off, and he sees he has 36 messages to respond to. He knows he's late on two projects and his boss isn't happy. He's got to finish 5 tasks before the 11 a.m. meeting, and he's got meetings all afternoon. You get the idea. His day does not go well, and he hits rush-hour traffic on the way home. He gets home late, exhausted, completely stressed, his mind still on his late and as-yet uncompleted projects, his still-full inbox and email inbox, and all the stuff piling up that he has to work on tomorrow. The house is a mess and he snaps at his family. His kids have not put things away exactly where he told them to put them away, so he begins to yell at them. He has a quick, greasy dinner in front of the TV and zones out before falling asleep late. Again, this is a bit extreme, but you can see through this illustration some of the things that stress people out. There are many more, of course, and I won't cover all of them here. But these sources of stress can be eliminated with a little thought.

Here's how:

Identify Stressors - This is the most important step of all, as identifying the things that stress you out in your life is the first step towards eliminating them. Take 10 minutes to think about what stresses you out during the day. What weekly occurrences stress you out? What people, activities, things cause stress in your life? Make a Top 10 list, and see which of them can be eliminated, and start to weed them out. For those that can't, find ways to make them less stressful.

Eliminate Unnecessary Commitments - I did a post on editing your commitments before - apply those concepts here. We all have many commitments in our life, starting with work but also including commitments related to kids, our spouses, things to do at home, other family, civic, side work, religious, hobbies, online activities and more. Consider each of them, the amount of stress they provide, and the value you get out of them. Edit brutally, and take steps today to remove the ones that stress you out the most.

Procrastination - We all do this, of course. But allowing stuff to pile up will stress us out. Find ways to take care of stuff now (form a Do It Now habit) and keep your inbox and desk clear.

See 20 Procrastination Hacks for more ideas.

Disorganization - We're all disorganized to some extent. Even if we've organized something, and created a great system for keeping it that way, things tend to move towards chaos over time. But disorganization stresses us out, in terms of visual clutter, and in making it difficult to find stuff we need. Take time to get things in your life organized, starting with your desk and the papers in your home, and moving on to other areas.

Being Late - Being late always stresses us out. We have to rush to get ready, rush to get there, and stress out the whole time about looking bad and being late. Learn the habit of being early, and this stress disappears. Make a conscious effort to start getting ready earlier, and to leave earlier. This also makes driving less stressful. Time yourself to see how long it actually takes to get ready, and how long it actually takes to get somewhere. You've probably been underestimating these times. Once you know these times, you can plan backwards so that you show up 10 minutes early each time. It's a good feeling.

Controlling - We are not the Master of this Universe. I know we sometimes wish we were, but acting as if we are is a sure way to get stressed out. Trying to control situations and people cannot work, and only serves to increase our anxiety when it doesn't work. Learn to let go, and accept the way that other people do things, and accept what happens in different situations. The only thing you can control is yourself - work on that before you consider trying to control the world. Also learn to separate yourself from tasks and to delegate them. Learning to let go of our need to control others and the situations around us is a major step towards eliminating stress.

Multitasking - Having multiple tasks going on at the same time might seem productive, but in actuality it slows us down from actually focusing on a task and completing it - and it stresses us out in the meantime. Learn to single-task.

Eliminate Energy Drains - If you've analyzed your life (in Step 1) and found things that stress you out, you might have also noticed things that drain your energy. Certain things in our life just cause us to be more exhausted than others, with less value. Identify them, and cut them out. You'll have much more energy and much less stress. Happiness ensues.

Avoid Difficult People - You know who they are. If you take a minute to think about it, you can identify all the people in your life - bosses, coworkers, customers, friends, family, etc. - who make your life more difficult. Now, you could confront them and do battle with them, but that will most certainly be difficult. Just cut them out of your life.

Simplify Life - Simplifying, of course, is a major theme of Zen Habits. Simplify your routines, your commitments, your information intake, your cluttered rooms, the mass of stuff going on in your life - and have less stress as a result. Start with Edit Your Life and then look through the other simplicity articles.

Unschedule - Create more open periods of time in your life. It's not necessary to schedule every minute of our lives. Learn to avoid meetings, keep wide open blocks of time where we either work on our important tasks or batch process the smaller ones. When someone asks to schedule a meeting, first try to get it done through email or phone - if that doesn't work, avoid having it scheduled. Ask them to call you and see if you're free at that time. You will love having an open schedule.

Slow Down - Instead of rushing through life, learn to take things slow. Enjoy your food, enjoy the people around you, enjoy nature. This step alone can save tons of stress.

Help Others - It may sound contradictory to add more tasks to your life by trying to help other people (you've got enough to do), but if you were to add anything to your life, this should be it. Helping others, whether volunteering for a charity organization or just making an effort to be compassionate towards people you meet, not only gives you a very good feeling, it somehow lowers your stress level. Of course, this doesn't work if you try to control others, or help others in a very rushed and frenetic way - learn to take it easy, enjoy yourself, and let things happen, as you work to make the lives of others better.

Relax Throughout The Day - It's important to take mini-breaks during your work day. Stop what you're doing, massage your shoulders and neck and head and hands and arms, get up and stretch, walk around, drink some water. Go outside and appreciate the fresh air and the beautiful sky. Talk to someone you like. Life doesn't have to be all about productivity. You should also avoid using online activity too much as your de-stressing activity - get away from the computer to relax.

Quit Work - This one's drastic, and probably too drastic for most. But in most likelihood, your work is your absolute biggest stressor. Getting out of your 9-to-5, automating your income, and finding something you truly love to do, that you're passionate about, will create a positive life and much less stressful one at that. Give it a little thought before dismissing it - there might be possibilities here you haven't considered.

Simplify Your To-do List - I've written about this before, but attempting to do everything on your long to-do list will definitely stress you out. Learn to simplify your to-do list down to the few essential tasks, and you will enjoy the process much more.

Exercise -This is common advice for stress relief, and that's because it works - but it's also a stress prevention method. Exercising helps relieve the stress buildup, it gives you some quiet time to contemplate and relax, and just as importantly, it makes you more fit. A fitter person is better equipped to handle stress. Another important factor: being unhealthy can be a major stressor (especially once you have to go to the hospital), and exercise can help prevent that.

Eat Healthy - This goes hand-in-hand with exercise as a stress prevention method, of course. Become healthier and a major source of stress will disappear. Also, I've found that greasy food, for me, puts me in a worse mood and can contribute to stress levels immediately.

Be Grateful - This might not be as obvious as some of the others, but developing an attitude of gratitude (I sound like a preacher with that rhyme!) is a way of thinking positive, eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thereby reducing stress. Learn to be grateful for what you have, for the people in your life, and see it as a gift. With this sort of outlook on life, stress will go down and happiness will go up.

That's a winning formula.

Zen-like Environment - Take time to declutter your desk (as mentioned above) and even once you do that, continually edit your desk and working space, and the things in your home, until you've created a simple, peaceful, Zen-like environment. It will be much less stressful to work in an environment like that than a more cluttered and distracting one.

~ Leo ~

Relationship 101

7 Keys To Better Relationships

Would you like to enhance the quality of your life and increase your personal happiness? If you answered "yes," the information in this article could change your life!

Isn't it easy to get stuck in the everydayness of life? We can get so busy making a living and getting ahead financially that the really important things fall through the cracks!

That can happen to all of us. However, when people come to the end of their lives, they don't wish they had spent more time making money. When all is said and done, we want our family and friends to be with us then!

So let's try to focus on developing better relationships instead of acquiring more things. Think of your circle of family and friends as a lovely garden to water and cultivate. The book of Proverbs teaches this crucial truth: "A man that has friends must show himself friendly" (Proverbs 18:24).

Here are 7 keys that will help your relationships to bloom:

1. Spend time with your friends and loved ones.

Although this is obvious, we need to intentionally set aside time in our schedules for them no matter how busy we think we are. Put appointments with friends and family into your daytimer or palm pilot. If you don't do this, you may forget and months and even years can go by without seeing these special people. The sad fact is that those relationships can dry up and wither away from neglect.
Many marriages fail for just this reason. People are often too busy to spend enough time with each other and one or both of the partners can't take the neglect. If you want your relationships to bloom, you have to water them with quality time. How long would a rose garden be lush and beautiful if no one watered it for days without end?

2. Genuinely appreciate the special people in your life.

Tell them how much they mean to you. Mention their good qualities and how special they are. For example, if you need to correct your children's behavior, be sure to spend twice as much time appreciating their positive qualities than reprimanding their negative ones.

3. Learn to say, "I was wrong. Please forgive me."

This will do wonders for your relationships. Humility is a beautiful quality in any person. Someone who thinks he or she is always right can be impossible to live with. If your habitual attitute is "I'm ALWAYS right," that's a poisonous plant that will spread and ruin your entire garden. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness when we've done something wrong does not degrade us. Instead it shows that we are growing up.

4. Be quick to forgive and don't hold grudges.

Bury the past. Bitterness never helped anyone. It only hurts the bitter person. Don't let the agressive weeds of unforgiveness spoil your garden. Try not to crush tender relationship plants by being harsh and unforgiving.

5. Learn to say "thank you" a lot.

Everyone loves to be appreciated for what he or she has done instead of being taken for granted. You may be thrilled by the vibrant blossoms of encouragement that will result from taking time to say "thank you."

6. Listen more than you talk.

In a game of tennis it would be very strange for one of the players to bounce the ball up and down on his or her side instead of hitting the ball back to the other player. The same could be said for the game of ping pong. These games teach a powerful lesson. If you are always talking and other people don't have a chance to get a word in edgewise, you won't be very popular for long.

7. Go out of your way to help others in practical ways.

If a friend is in the hospital, go visit him. If a neighbor is going through a difficult financial time, bring groceries over to help tide him or her through the crisis.
If you follow these simple but powerful suggestions for nurturing your relationships, you yourself will also reap benefits in the form of increased happiness, pep and vitality. That's because our relationships are far more important to our wellbeing than how much money we make or how well we're doing climbing the corporate ladder.

Why not take a personal inventory of your life today?

Put these suggestions into practice and become more effective in cultivating your special relationships.

Happy gardening!

~ Patricia ~

Quote of the Week

"We may go to the moon, but that's not very far. The greatest distance we have to cover still lies within us."

~ Charles de Gaulle ~

Welcome to my Newsletter 1/9/08

Newsletter 1/9/08

"Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you."

~ Anonymous ~

How often do you spend time comparing yourself to others? Perhaps measuring your success, health, will power, determination, wealth, beauty? Let me ask you this - what good can that possibly do? We cannot know the exact circumstances of another. We cannot understand their shoes for we have not walked in them. And at the end of the day, "No one in the entire word can do a better job of being you than you."

Your Turn:

As you find yourself comparing yourself to others, re-read this quote. The world would certainly be boring if we were all clones of one another. Do not relish in other's success or envy their efforts. Instead, relish in who you are and your unique offerings to our world.

Your affirmation:

I do not compare myself to others. There is a beauty and uniqueness that only I can offer the world!

Life Improvement Tips

How To Eliminate Your Self-Doubt

Are these familiar dialogues for you: "I don't have the nerve to try that!" or "that's too risky!" or "I'm not sure I can do that" etc? Are you one of those people who always doubt your own ability? Well, you're not alone. A lot of people do not have confidence in themselves. Every change in the normal way of life gets a ton of introspection and most of the time, self-doubt wins and not trying seems safer. However, safe doesn't always mean best; sooner or later you'll get depressed always being stuck on a rut. You have to reduce these self-doubts in order to move ahead.

It will help if you can figure out why you feel wimpy all the time. Is it because of a past mistake that crippled you so much? Are you afraid to end up like someone you knew who took too much risk? Were you told often by authority figures - parents, sibling, teachers or officers - that you don't and can't amount to anything? You've probably heard it so often that you believed it as the universal truth all the time.

Deep down you know it's not true, right? Not all risks will result into failure and you can avoid making the same mistake your friend did. Silence the inner critic in you then. You don't have to listen to past criticisms. Nor should you judge all your other abilities based on a single failure. Instead draw on your strengths and keep them in mind. Granted, it's not going to be easy. But you can take baby steps and not leap into anything that you're not ready for.

Start by cataloging your positives. Take out a sheet of paper and list the things that you know you can do. Fill it up from the whimsical - able to juggle four balls in the air, for example - to the downright great ones like a good grasp of grammar. Look back and try to remember how you learned those skills. Some of them were probably inherited or something that you learned instinctively. But the rest were skills that you got only thru experience. Therefore, you must have tried it before and found out that you can do it. That list becomes physical proof that you are someone who can do something and by the same token, can do a lot more if you can just get out of your safety zone and try something new again.

Banish those self-doubts and see how high you can fly.

Right now. I mean it.

Why are you still here?

~ Jeff ~

Career Tips

Don't Lose Your Job After An Argument With Your Boss!

Arthur is known for being a temperamental person. One day, his impulses failed to save him. He got involved in a heated and intense argument with none other than his boss.

The situation was so flaringly intense. Everyone in the office fell mum and shocked. Many opted to pretend that they did not to hear and see anything, although majority of them had their ears glued to the door and heard the exchange of hot and flaming words between a superior and a subordinate.

Situations like these are sometimes unavoidable and come even if people never like these to happen. These incidents do happen, even under all unfavorable and awkward circumstances.
For the subordinate, the next problem now is how to fix the mess. Arguments and strained relationships with the boss are some of the most disturbing yet preventable situations confronting most employees and subordinates.

In the normal and conventional corporate setting, most employees go to the extent of kissing their boss' ass just to earn good favor and ratings from the boss.
When things happen, the usual and logical question to ask himself or herself would be, "How do I get out of this mess?"

Things are really screwed up when you get into an argument or disagreement with your boss. This can put your job at risk.

Understandably, it is hard to lose a job nowadays. The cost of living is always on the rise and you have bills to pay on a regular basis. Yearly, millions of younger and brighter new graduates are competing in the ever declining and narrowing job market.

So, what would be your best move?

When things are screwed between you and your boss, analyze the situation very carefully and try to humbly admit who is on the wrong or erring side.
If you realized that you made the terrible mistake, plan to make amends. Never burn bridges because your boss is the only way in and out of your occupation.
Professionalism would prevent your boss from firing you just because of that one instance or episode. However, the situation still depends on the gravity of your offense and the way you handled the disagreement.

If only heated words were exchanged, there is still a chance. Just make sure that you learn your lesson well. The next time a similar event occurs, make sure you have complete control on your self and never utter profane words to your boss again.

If more than just heated words were exchanged (such as the involvement of physical violence), chances are you already lost your job and you should start looking for a new one!
Making amends and admission of guilt are gestures of humility. Doing so would effectively save your face.

For sure, your boss got angry at your attitude and behavior, but this is already a given. Bosses are human too. They are also prone to impulsive reactions. The difference is that they are tasked with greater and even grave responsibilities.

Make amends by admitting your guilt or saying that you are sorry. Never burn bridges with your boss because as mentioned earlier, your boss decides if you are still in or out of the department. If saying sorry is never enough, try to give him or her little tokens.
If you decide to voluntarily leave the office, it is good to have a good closure by making peace with your boss. He could still help you by giving a referral, which you will need for your next job application, don't you think?

~ Jeff ~

Relationships 101

5 Steps To Improving Communication

"Communication is the lifeline of relationships. The health of any relationship is determined by the quality of the conversations between or among the people involved." S. DeKoven Ph.D

Like the heart in the human body, I believe that communication in relationships connect all the vital elements and sustains the life of relationships. If you don't talk and share your feelings, thoughts, ideas etc, unfortunately we were not born mind readers so we won't know what the other is thinking. Then if we don't know, how can we react properly?
Anyway, here are the 5 steps I promised.

Start With Desire

Yeah, I know, you're thinking "I already know what you're gonna say" so, I'll say it anyhow.
You will never improve your communication skills or the way you share with your partner if you don't begin with the desire to improve it. For example: If your car is dirty and you are comfortable with how it looks and don't think it needs cleaning, then regardless of what anyone says or how they feel about it, you probably won't do anything to change it.
So, if you are going to ever change or improve the way you talk and share in your relationships, then you must want to improve. Without that desire, nothing else will matter.

Learn To Listen

Do you know how most people listen to each other, especially couples?
Well, they often sit while the other person is talking waiting for a space to jump into the conversation to defend their actions, explain themselves, or explode in anger. Sometimes the problems that arise in relationships is caused by couples that rarely listen to each other.
You should listen actively and emphatically to what your partner is trying to express to you. What is she/he saying by his/her facial expressions, body language? etc. What type of feelings about this subject is he/she trying to convey? Learn to listen to more that just his/her words since we all can't often express what we're really trying to say in words alone.

Don't Assume

We often assume that we understand what our partner is trying to say and our assumptions can be dead wrong. What's worse is when we don't understand and won't ask for clarification but leave the conversation assuming that we know what was said.

Let's look at another example: Mary knocks on James' door and he opens it wearing a colorful t-shirt so she says "Wow, that's an interesting shirt you're wearing." Now James assumes mary doesn't like his shirt and angrily snaps back "I don't need your opinion or approval on what I wear." Mary sees where this is going and quickly says, "I'm sorry James, I didn't mean you shirt was ugly, what I meant was that it's a design I've never seen before and thought it was unique. I only wanted to know where I could get one like it."

Now, see how easily we could get into a fight by assuming we understand what we thought we heard? So,don't assume. Let the speaker clafify what they said if you didn't understand.

Study Words

No, I don't mean go out and buy a dictionary to study, I meant the words your partner uses to explain or relate his/her feelings to you. You're in this relationship with him/her right?, so invest some time learning what he/she means when they say certain things. Remember, the same words can mean different things to different people so it's important that you understand what different words mean to your partner.

For example: A man might say "we're in a casual relationship" and mean I'm not committed to you but just checking my options for a stable partner; To a woman that same thing might mean, we're seeing each other and are committed but are not ready for marriage as yet.
So, this is your partner, take the time to study what he/she means by saying certain things for this will make your sharing experience much more pleasant.

Response Patterns

What the hell are you talking about???
Hold on, just keep your shirt on, I'll explain.
You see it is known that our basic coping patterns is that when certain situations arise we either fight or run; it is known as the fight or flight pattern. Well, there are some subjects that trigger these same reactions in your partner for any number of reason, so, you should be aware of these triggers.

Sometimes in sharing you might bring up topics or feelings that scare your partner and put them into a flight situation where they close-up and evade sharing or it might be something that touches a painful memory and out them into a defensive mode, you need to learn how to either carefully back off or gently probe for answers.

Anyway, learning how your partner responds to certain things while communicating with them will not only cause them to become more comfortable sharing with you, but may also open close door in your relationship.

~ Conrad ~

Quote of the Week

"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility." ~ Oprah Winfrey ~

Helena Nyman's Motivational Newsletter 1/2/08

Welcome to my Motivational Newsletter January 2nd, 2008!

Happy New Year!

I hope you spent the beginning of the new exciting Year surrounded of your loved ones! I celebrated my 1st New Year as an American Citizen ( I got my Citizenship on December 19th, 2007!)

I am greatful for my wonderful Family, Friends, Colleagues, Clients and Athletes that add many amazing moments and little miracles to my rich life.

I wanted to thank you all for making a difference in my life!

God Bless America!



"And what are you prepared to do?"

~ Sean Connery, The Untouchables~

Here it is in all its glory - 2008 - 366 days, 8784 hours, waiting for your exploration. There is no denying that the world changes dramatically over 12 months (often it changes dramatically overnight)!

When you stand in this space a year from now, what will you be saying as you reflect on 2008? We have explored ambitions, goals, challenges, dreams and resolutions. Now, at the beginning of January, let's each take a moment to answer this great movie quote:

"What are we prepared to do?"

Let the action begin! 2008 is here, let there be no delay, pursue the life you have imagined with abundance.

Your Turn:

Spend some quiet moments today reflecting on where you will be one year from now. Answer the question of what actions you are committed and willing to take in order to get to that place. Then take a first step. Do not hesitate. Run toward your dreams - they are waiting.

Your affirmation:

I am ready and prepared and greet 2008 with enthusiastic expectations!

Readers share with Readers

Today, I would like to share some of my favorite Holiday Grand-Children Pictures with you. I am a proud Grama of Nick (7), Drew (who celebrates his 4th birthday TODAY!) and Owen (9 months)

Nick (7) and Drew (Happy 4th Birthday!) Bohannan

Owen Collin Shull (9 months)


For more pictures, visit my Blogspot at:

http://nymanmygrandchildren.blogspot.com/



Life Improvement Tips

You Want to Succeed? - Get Uncomfortable.

As an Exercise Scientist and Trainer I have spent much of the last twenty-five years helping people change their body. Smaller, bigger, lighter, leaner, more muscle, more flexibility, speed, power... Athletes, non-athletes, kids, mums, dads.....whatever they were after; that's what I did my best to deliver.Early in my career I discovered that whether or not someone achieved their desired goals had very little to do with what was possible, or their genetic potential, and everything to do with their ability to deal with discomfort.They say that every decision we make in life is in an effort to avoid pain, or gain pleasure.We choose to eat the cake because we associate cake with pleasure.We choose to avoid the dentist because we associate the dentist with pain.We choose to stay in a bad relationship because we associate more pain with getting out of the relationship than staying in it.But the reality is :1) we don't need the cake2) we do need the dentist and3) we should get out of that destructive relationship.If only we would give up the cake, look after our teeth and deal with our relationship (i.e. get uncomfortable) we would discover that the short-term pain/discomfort would make way for a whole new world of possibilities and a whole new level of growth, understanding and achievement.Some personal-power muscles.Lesson 1. Change is usually uncomfortable.If you want an amazing life and you're all about creating positive change, then learn to deal with, if not embrace, discomfort.Sorry Dude.Just how it is.In the science of strength training we talk about a concept called progressive resistance training or progressive overload.In simple terms, the theory is this: If you want to get stronger and continue to grow muscle (hypertrophy) you need to continually manipulate the training variables (weight, sets, reps, recovery time, technique, program design) so as to constantly and progressively 'force' your body to adapt to the ever-changing stress (all exercise is a form of stress).When we talk about changing a body, we're talking about physiological adaptation... and a body will only adapt when it has a reason to. Most people in most gyms train their body in a manner where there is no need for adaptation... that's why they typically look the same, year in, year out.Or worse.Rather than following a program or plan which is progressive in nature (causes them to get uncomfortable on a regular basis) they follow a 'maintenance program'... because it's easy and comfortable.And they love 'comfortable.'They don't want to maintain, or intend to maintain... but that's all they're doing.They will continue on their cycle of frustration and zero results until they give their body a reason to adapt or until they throw in the towel altogether.This adaptation/growth principle of exercise science can be applied to life and to our personal growth.Lesson 2.In general, a person's ability to succeed will be largely dependant on their ability to adapt (deal with discomfort and change).Life, relationships, careers, emotions, business markets, technologies, philosophies, environments are all in a constant state of evolution. This is part of the problem; we are creatures of habit and we like familiarity; we like 'same'.Lesson 3.We like the benefits of change, but we don't like the process. But it's the process, not the results, from where the real benefits come.Whether it's physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, professional, social or financial growth your after.... be prepared to get uncomfortable on a regular basis and you will dramatically improve your chances of creating your best life.By the way, the minute you make that uncomfortable decision, or do that uncomfortable thing you've been avoiding, the change process becomes instantly easier and your chances of success go through the roof ... because you got your head and heart (thinking, attitude, standards, emotions) where they need to be.And you did what you needed to do.Just like we work against resistance in the gym and we get stronger and grow muscle, those of us who work against resistance outside of the gym (problems, challenges, opposition, criticism, self doubt, insecurity, fear) get stronger and grow a different kind of muscle; emotional muscle, psychological muscle, self-control muscle, personal development muscle and spiritual muscle... and more.Now go and get uncomfortable-and grow some muscle!



Career Tips

Know What You Want To Get Ahead (Step Four)

You've probably heard the famous Albert Einstein quote "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This adage is particularly applicable to the world of work.

Many people get stuck in jobs just because it's "what they've always done." Or, they get tagged with "dog" assignments simply because they involve skills set they've demonstrated in the past. Furthermore, too many clients get trapped in a career rut by settling for what happens to be offered to them.

The clients who hire me want to change these negative patterns. They want to proactively manage their career instead of taking what's given.
When I ask my clients: "What do you want to do?" I'm usually met with deafening silence. Many, if not most, people really just don't know what career will make them happy.
It certainly can feel overwhelming to answer the "What do you want to do with your life?" question. One of the key steps in this process is getting clear on what you don't want.

Know What You Don't Want

To make sure you don't end up in yet another job that is the wrong fit, you must define what you don't want at work.
This week, let's discuss your individual work style. Ask yourself this simple question:
How does my current job not support my individual work style?

For example:

· Do I want more team projects?
· Do I want more independent work assignments?
· Do I want more time for creative thought?
· Do I want more variety or less multi-tasking?

Schedule time in your calendar to answer these questions in the next seven days. That way, you'll be sure to get it done and not let it linger on that never-ending to do list.
I wish you much continued success as you move towards defining and working in your authentic career fit!

~Maret~

Relationship 101

25 tips for relationship success

What's the key to successful relationships? Here, I reveal the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget. You could also read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet.

12. If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilise the whole family, your partner included, to share the work.

13. If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your children.

14. Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and then work at bringing the passion back.

15. Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from a one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.

16. Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.

17. Be aware that men generally feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.

18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you. For extra help, read the book, Stop Arguing Start Talking by Susan Quilliam.

19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.

20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward. Read, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher

21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.

22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.

23. Realize that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.

24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.

25. Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.

Quote of the Week

"All of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."

~ Dale Carnegie ~